WWYD if your toddler was running into the street?

TehillaHadassah

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 1:49 pm

This happened to us long ago. Once. My two year old son ran out from between cars toward the street. We were lucky. I had never swat him ever and thinking back I am so thankful this was the one time I had it to use.
If I remember, I grabbed his arm and held him while I made the biggest noise on his diaper I could. he looked at me so stunned.
I sat on the sidewalk with him and talked very slowly about cars in the street. Simply. Don't remember much of the conversation which I kept short. But we had finally an understanding if he wanted to cross the street he would ask, "Mommy come please" and we would always hold hands. We practiced several times then and made it a lesson for the week and then less as time went on. What a big lesson Mommy learned that day.

Barbara

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 1:59 pm

amother wrote:

Cookies n Cream wrote:

amother wrote:

It's really not the same thing though. It's simply not. For intellectual purposes of debating, it's easy to make that comparison. In real life, totally different.

Were you ever beaten? I certainly hope not. There is an incomparable difference here.

I honestly don't think the comparison makes any sense even for the intellectual purposes of debating.

What I'm saying is that it's always easy to use hypothetical examples to seemingly prove your point when in reality it's ridiculous. I enjoy your posts, Barbara, and take my opinion and experience for whatever it's worth - I'm the amother who was beaten as a child, and I simply can't emphasize enough that there's no comparison here.

You don't KNOW there's no comparison, because you were *beaten* and not *simply hit* I was spanked. Its humiliating. My brother and I took it different ways. He was a good and obedient child. Now, though, he's never forgiven my parents. Ever. He sees them if he has to, but has no relationship with them. Me, it just made angrier. In the long run, though, I forgave them. They didn't know any better. I do.

718

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 2:00 pm

Lacy36 wrote:

Wow! Bh nothing happened. My son ran into an oncoming van at full speed. It was a miracle.
And I didnt even hit him, I was so stunned. I was in shock for rest of the night.
But I do agree a smack is totaly called for.
I guess we all have to thank Gd for watching over our children!

718

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 2:02 pm

Barbara wrote:

amother wrote:

Cookies n Cream wrote:

amother wrote:

I honestly don't think the comparison makes any sense even for the intellectual purposes of debating.

I think hitting a child has to stop at a certain age. This forum was mainly about toddlers. Older children shouldnt be hit. Big difference.

amother

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 2:02 pm

I absolutely do know the difference. I just said (I think) that I don't like the idea of regular spanking. I remember the fear, and humiliation. I was a model child in every way. I still maintain a potch once or twice for running into the street is different from beating AND from regular spanking. I don't spank my children. And, yes, this too is different from regular spanking.

Merrymom

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 2:17 pm

Is this a question of hitting children or of allowing children to play by the street and then expecting them to understand the dangers of the street and then spanking them when they don't? Because truthfully if your kid runs to the street I think YOU should be spanked for not watching your child. If your child isn't old enough to understand that a street is a dangerous place (and no, I don't think a three year old is old enough to understand this) you have no business allowing them to play outside the house unless you are standing right next to them and have your eyes on them every single second (and not chatting with your neighbors).

Cookies n Cream

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 2:33 pm

Merrymom wrote:

You sound like an ultra responsible person. I give you lots of credit.

Merrymom

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 2:49 pm

amother wrote:

That's ridiculous. Even when I'm 2 feet from my kids with my eyes on them, things have happened like one hitting the other. And even when I've been holding a hand, they've wrenched away suddenly!

May we all be safe and healthy, it's not always as a matter of vigilance.

Are we talking about them hitting each other? I thought the subject was doing something dangerous.

I also have a two year old who does not like to have her hand held and doesn't stand still for nothing. I don't go anywhere with her unless I'm holding her and that includes my front yard (my back is gated) unless I'm right there or my DH is and she is not allowed within 10 feet of the beginning of the driveway. I wouldn't dream of spanking her because she doesn't know that cars are dangerous and I'm not against spanking when necessary for older children.

amother

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 2:53 pm

Merrymom wrote:

amother wrote:

I don't let my almost 2 year old walk. Stroller or nothing. But this has happened to me with my older children when they were 3 or 4. Only once or twice each and then they stopped. I'm also extremely careful with my children. My point is simply that it's not always a matter of vigilance. Sometimes it just happens that a child breaks free and runs.

MrsDash

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 3:02 pm

When my daughter was learning how to walk, or better yet run like the "roadrunner," I started using a child leash. Sure I got looks, whispers, and giggles, but I was a lot more confident that my child was in a safer situation. I rather be the center of ridicule, by having my child look like a "puppy," than having my child run free and God forbid, into the street. I live on a typical suburban, quiet block, with a speed limit of 25 MPH (not to mention many young children playing outside and riding their bikes). More than HALF the drivers who come down this block, exceed the speed limit, going nearly double that, or more. Plus, rather than having her laying in a stroller all the time, she had enough freedom to move around and explore, but within my control and supervision. If the child is in danger, and they parents wont take their child's safety seriously, you may need to intervene at times.

Merrymom

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 3:18 pm

yoshi wrote:

I never had the guts to do this myself but I'm sure you're right.

Mommeeeeeeee!

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 3:27 pm

Merrymom wrote:

And yes, a child can suddenly dart away even when you are right near them, but at least you are near enough to catch them before they actually get to the street...assuming you have the common sense not to be standing and letting your child play right by the actual edge of the right. And if you are actually holding their hand, as when walking someplace with them, and they still get out of your grasp, then that's a sign that you need to be holding tighter! With one child, I had to resort to holding onto her wrist as opposed to her hand, which is harder for them to quickly get out of.
For all of you who think a child "needs" a potch in order to "learn" this lesson, does it really work? Does the potch really help your child know not to run in the road? Would you then let them play near the road unsupervised because the potch has taught them not to go there?

life'sgreat

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 3:45 pm

yoshi wrote:

I could have written this post.

saw50st8

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 5:29 pm

If you never spank (or potch or hit or whatever term you want to call it), you will never beat your children.

SPanking to me is a form of temper tantrum on the parents - a parents frustration with the child and having no idea how to fix the problem. The problem is with the parent not the child.

A child who cannot listen and maintain a safe distance from the street does not belong outside without being strapped into something (stroller, leash, carrier, wrap etc). If they are too young to understand that they have to listen, they should be too young to be given the responsibility to carry that out.

ora_43

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 5:55 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

SPanking to me is a form of temper tantrum on the parents - a parents frustration with the child and having no idea how to fix the problem. The problem is with the parent not the child.

Spanking is a discipline choice. It's not necessarily done out of anger.

Of the parents I know who spank (or more like spanked, since in this generation it's considered tantamount to abuse), many davka waited a few minutes or even a few hours first so that it would be clear to all involved that it wasn't an overcome-by-rage, heat of the moment type thing.

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 6:10 pm

Merrymom wrote:

Uh, not really. Some kids are very quick. While you're walking along the sidewalk, pushing the stroller, you're 2 year old obediantly holding on to the handle (because he wants to walk), it could take a second and the child is running for the street. It's happened to my mother's kids, who is still the most protective mother around.
I don't know yet about me (my toddler is just learning the ropes Very Happy

) but I Daven Hashem protects him always because I know, that no matter what you do there are always surprises.

ora_43 wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

SPanking to me is a form of temper tantrum on the parents - a parents frustration with the child and having no idea how to fix the problem. The problem is with the parent not the child.

what's the saying? Spare the Rod, hate the child... something like that. Once in a while it's necessary. I was spanked - and I'm fine and I love my parents dearly - no hard feelings about those spanks. Especially the ones I KNEW came from love and not anger. A child knows.
(don't worry - those spanks were really not often)

saw50st8

Tue, Jul 06 2010, 8:27 pm

ora_43 wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

SPanking to me is a form of temper tantrum on the parents - a parents frustration with the child and having no idea how to fix the problem. The problem is with the parent not the child.

IMO, spanking is a form of abuse given a better name to excuse it.

If your child is mature enough to understand the concept of discipline after a space of time, then there are plenty of other measures that work. Why would you choose to strike your child?