Emotional Eating-Support Group

Blue jay

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 10:42 pm

3mitzvos wrote:

Sometimes I feel like I eat just because my life is soooo unexciting. Being a BT, I'm used to living to have fun. My life is not very fun... When I eat yummy food, it gives me a "high" and feels so good for the moment. It's my excitement during the day. Sounds horrible, right? Well, I plan on finding a hobby that will make me feel just as excited and fulfilled. Wish me luck. Any ideas?

Im BT as well, and the only thing I miss was being able to eat anywhere! Fast food and restaurants. You could travel in an instant and not have to think about kosher accomodations or separate swimming. What exciting things do you mean?

ChossidMom

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 11:51 pm

QueenBee3 wrote:

I think we should keep the "emotional eating-support group" as a name for our private forum.

or how about "No diets allowed!" forum Smile

Here's my dilemma: I would like it closed because it's really not stuff I want to share with the world.
OTOH there are many women out there with an unhealthy relationship with food, most of which don't know that they may want to be in a "no diets allowed" forum. KWIM? Most people spend their entire lives fighting the food. Many of the thin people in your life have been depriving themselves for years. This is not "normal eating". Maybe the group just needs to be a "safe haven" where people who are promoting diet groups and/or OA need to be sensitive and not promote their agenda. I really don't know.
Thoughts?

momomany

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 7:34 am

ChossidMom wrote:

QueenBee3 wrote:

I think we should keep the "emotional eating-support group" as a name for our private forum.

or how about "No diets allowed!" forum Smile

I think you guys could use a safe haven, but I dont think "promotion" is the appropriate word. You could use a place where you could share your successes, experience etc with Geneen Roths philosophy's, & you would like others not to ~~promote~~, ie "share their successes, experiences" on other diet plans and/or oa.
"promotion" makes it sound like someone is trying to "sell" something. I think when people get pushy with their diet ideas, it stems from a true desire to help others & share what worked for them. you can have your own forum & ask others not share their ideas, but the word "promote" was a bit negativef for my taste.

momomany

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 7:41 am

[quote="momomany"]

ChossidMom wrote:

QueenBee3 wrote:

I think we should keep the "emotional eating-support group" as a name for our private forum.

or how about "No diets allowed!" forum Smile

ChossidMom

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 7:42 am

Yeah, well, maybe I have negative experiences from over 10 years in OA rooms.

I have found that people who have "seen the light" are very eager to "prosletyze" others. I used to be one of those people and this is a very loaded topic. IMHO it's a bit culty and people in OA think that anyone who is doing anything else is still suffering from their disease, stinking thinking or looking for the "easier, softer way". I've been burnt and don't want to hear the OA doctrine anymore.

I don't want to take part in threads where people are "sharing" about all their success in OA. That should be in a special OA or 12 Step Groups section.

Maybe this all explains why I sound negative about OA.

It may be for some but it's not for everyone.

Blue jay

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 9:13 am

To amother above:

You dont have to be overweight to be part of this discussion. I felt fat and miserable when I was 135 pounds now I am 170 pounds. I was always obsessive and self destructive about food starting when I was 125 pounds when I was a teen. This thread is about re=establishing a healthy relationship with food and your body.

Chossidmom, Im not pushing any agenda, But I will say that Geneen Roths book does not push any agenda as well. She is not out there trying to sell geneen roth "Diet shakes or frozen meals". She even suggests that we find our own ways of listening to our bodies. our physicical and emotional hungers,
I also agree that we should start to make this private because this is definately becoming a personal journey for me and I really want to share with people who are interested,

ChossidMom

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 9:32 am

I love Geneen Roth's books and I enjoy all the other non dieting authors as well. Geneen is big into nurturing oneself. Have you read If You Eat at the Refrigerator Pull Up a Chair?

Geneen Roth's only agenda is to teach us how to trust ourselves once again.

I've had it with all the punitive diets and methods of losing weight. This includes forced answering of questions, "slip" questions and hard rules that must be obeyed, like having to call your sponsor every day etc. These rules may be what "works" for people but they are rules nonetheless and they cause us to remove the responsibility from ourselves and give it over to our sponsors, the program etc. BTW I have many friends in OA or similar programs. I can literally count on one hand the people who have achieved AND MAINTAINED substantial weight loss. Sure, they'll tell you, if you don't work it, it stops working. But they never wonder why people stop working it. They stop working "the program" because it's almost impossible to keep up and takes super human abilities to call your sponsor + 3 more people every single day, participate in 3 meetings a week etc. I think we all understand that there is work involved in getting a handle on our eating issues. The question is what kind of work.

I prefer the non dieting approach and taking back responsibility over my choices.

rosehill

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 9:40 am

I pm'ed Yael about starting a closed forum. I know she's very busy, so let's give her a few days to reply, and we'll see what she thinks.

I understand both sides of this issue. We may be more likely to discuss some of the darker sides of emotional eating if we knew we were in private, but maybe there are others out there who would be interested in learning more about the approach if only they had some information!!

That's why, even if we get a closed forum, I think we should keep this particular thread on the general weight loss boards. Then, if someone's interest is piqued, they can join the closed forum.

You know what I think we should call it? Barring any advice to the contrary by the imamother lawyers Wink

, could we not call it "breaking free from emotional eating"? Isn't that exactly what we're doing? We want to discuss our emotional eating, but we REALLY want to discuss how we're breaking free from it!!

I don't know much about OA, or it's similarities/differences with this approach, but in all honesty, I do sometimes feel a little bit, shall we say, evangelical about Geneen. But it's been 2 years for me, and I'm still excited about it, which is more than I can say fr the million other programmes I've tried. So I'd like to keep going on this journey with you ladies. Hug

rosehill

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 9:50 am

amother wrote:

Is overeating only a problem if you are overweight? I think I eat way too much, and I also love food. I can eat packs of cookies and then pizza and then bbq potato chips, etc.. one after the other. I don't have much self control when it comes to food. But I'm not really overweight. Does that make sense?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Do you do this every day? Every week? Once in a while?

I think that makes a big difference.

My guess is, if you're not overweight, you're probably OK. We don't like to use phrases like "way too much", and "self control". I'm guessing, that the day after a "binge" like you described, you probably unconsciously eat a bit less than normal to find your balance, and go about your business without driving yourself crazy and feeling like a failure.

If that's the case, then you probably don't have the problem we're talking about here. Our goal is not to stop loving food. On the contrary. It's to learn to love it and get pleasure from it in a way that doesn't make you sick.

JMHO. Only you know if it's bothering you enough to want to address it.

tweek

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 10:18 am

ChosidMom, as I've written earlier, I have also read many of the non-dieting books. I find that they all approach this concept from a different angle. Some concentrate more on the psychological aspect of eating, some more on the pysialogical aspect, and others on the emotional part. All in all however, they have 4 things in common that make up the bottom line:
-wait until you are hungry to eat
-eat exactly what you really want
-be mindful of every bite
-stop when you are full
Easier said than done, but I'm working on it!

ChossidMom

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 10:28 am

rosehill wrote:

amother wrote:

Maybe. Maybe not.

Do you do this every day? Every week? Once in a while?

I think that makes a big difference.

My guess is, if you're not overweight, you're probably OK.

I disagree. It sounds like amother does not have a healthy relationship with food. I don't think that there is anyone on this earth that "needs" packs of cookies and then pizza and then potato chips. This appears to be overeating by any measure. You don't need to be overweight in order to have an abnormal relationship with food. I imagine that amother knows that all those foods in great quantity are NOT healthy for her. The chemicals, food coloring, trans fats etc. If she doesn't have a clue and has been eating huge amounts while thinking it's healthy - that's one thing. But if she does know that it's unhealthy, yet she continues to engage in unhealthy eating patterns - this signifies a problem and chances are that the eating is seriously connected to some emotion or other. I rarely eat junk food because I'm hungry. I'm either bored, ANXIOUS, upset, tired or something else. Usually it's connected to stress. It's an escape from all the tough issues in my life. It's like I spend so much time keeping everything together for everyone else and this is the only release I have. Can't do drugs. Can't drink. Can't go dancing. Can't escape. But there's always CHOCOLATE. Smooth, creamy, sweet.

Never talks back either.

shnitzel

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 10:31 am

rosehill wrote:

amother wrote:

I disagree.
I really think out of control feelings over eating are always a problem. What you ate wasn't the problem but the fact that you feel like you are out of control when eating is a huge problem.

My guess is that you are normally "good" and try to diet and eat low fat most of the time but when you see nosh you can't stop. Normal eating allows you to eat nosh when you want and be able to stop after the second cookie instead of eating the pack. I really am a strong believer that dieting and a low fat lifestyle are why almost everyone seems to have some problem with binging today. We need to nourish our bodies so they have the right nutrients and calories or your body takes control into it's own hands and causes the binge. It wants to keep you at a stable healthy weight for yourself so when you try to deny it you end up binging.

I also loved Geneen Roth, I don't remember if she was the one who wrote "Overcoming Overeating" but it really changed my life. My story is very different than most in how I came to find and embrace this philosophy. We are a non-dieting non-weighing family.

I have the same agenda as ChossidMom about OA, someone close to me has been involved for several years and it completely takes over your life besides the strict restrictions make the inevitable binging and downfall so much worse.

rosehill

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 10:48 am

Shnitzel and CM, maybe you're right.

I brought an example earlier of shopping. I love shopping. I don't spend so much money, that I can't pay off my CC, or lose my house or whatever. But at times, I spend more than I *should* on something I don't really need. Because it gives me instant pleasure. But I'm not a shop-a-holic, I don't need a support group or a private forum on imamother to work through it. It's just a human flaw.

I'm guessing, based on the awfully scant information amother provided, that her occasional binges are analogous to my shopping. If she were behaving that way regularly, she would by definition be overweight. So I'm guessing that whether or not she has the emotional eating issue we're discussing here, depends on what she's doing on the days she's NOT binging, rather than on what she's doing the days she does!

momomany

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 11:00 am

ChossidMom wrote:

I I've had it with all the punitive diets and methods of losing weight. This includes forced answering of questions, "slip" questions and hard rules that must be obeyed, like having to call your sponsor every day etc. These rules may be what "works" for people but they are rules nonetheless and they cause us to remove the responsibility from ourselves and give it over to our sponsors, the program etc. BTW I have many friends in OA or similar programs. I can literally count on one hand the people who have achieved AND MAINTAINED substantial weight loss. Sure, they'll tell you, if you don't work it, it stops working. But they never wonder why people stop working it. They stop working "the program" because it's almost impossible to keep up and takes super human abilities to call your sponsor + 3 more people every single day, participate in 3 meetings a week etc. I think we all understand that there is work involved in getting a handle on our eating issues. The question is what kind of work.

I prefer the non dieting approach and taking back responsibility over my choices.

whoa whoa whoa
(I would not post this on a safe haven anti-oa forum btw-this post is still on the open board)

I am sorry that you had a bad experience with oa & could not achieve long term substantial weight loss. I am also sorry that you were exposed to some "evangelical" oa'ers that try to push everyone into what works for them, but I strongly disagree with your opinions on oa.
oa/gsa for me, has been life altering & lifesaving. I am b"h maintaining a 5 1/2 year 90 lb weight loss. I had 2 babies during the 5 1/2 years, made 2 bar mitzvas & 1 wedding. I do not feel like I am in a punitive program at all!!! I am responsible (though I rely on g-d in every step of my life!) for what I eat & I am so glad that I have an unpaid sponsor who is usually available as a shoulder to help me when I come across bumps in the road (like, my kid is having surgery today, any ideas of how I should plan my food for the day?). I am so glad to help other people along their journey as well, it is not a superhuman effort-it is a pleasure & a joy to be able to give.
the program I follow is not for everyone (nothing is) - but please do not push your agenda against oa(that seems to come from bad experiences/failure in the prgram) on others & prevent them from having an open mind to ALL weight loss options!
If anyone is interested in oa, please contact someone on program for accurate details!