Halloween Candy | Imamother

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Halloween Candy

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de_goldy

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 9:59 am

Of course you dont go!

de_goldy

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 9:59 am

And they respect you more for it, I assure you.

brooklyn

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 10:01 am

Going out of my way would be to dress up like a witch and turning my house into a haunted house so the kids can come in an play. Having a bowl of candy near the door if anyone should happen to ring my bell is common courtesy.

leomom

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 10:21 am

I live in the real world and have non-Jewish neighbors who I am friendly with. I still don't give out Halloween candy, and it has never been a problem. For one thing, even though we keep talking about it not being our holiday, it's also not really "theirs." It's pretty much silly nonsense to everyone (except the kids if they're at an age where they take it seriously). I doubt anyone is personally offended if you don't give out candy to their kids, especially if you are always polite and matter-of-fact about it. No need to close the door in anyone's face, for example.

Kids always figure out whose houses to go to, and whose not to go to, for whatever reasons. I trick-or-treated as a kid (even though my family was pretty traditional Conservative when I was growing up) and there were just some houses we skipped. (Generally the lights were off.) It was not a big deal.

leomom

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 10:37 am

Also, when I worked at a large publishing company for several years, I never went to the "holiday" parties - not only because of the particular holiday being celebrated, but also because they were totally not tznius.

It never mattered. I always had very congenial relationships with all of my co-workers, and it was totally reasonable to them that I didn't go to the parties. They knew I was frum and just took me at face value.

We don't have to do so much bending over backwards to make people like us, or to make people know that we like and respect them too.

brooklyn

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 11:08 am

So what is the big deal if I choose to have some just in case someone rings my bell. I will not go out of my way to pretend that I am not home. Why do some of you go out of your way to make it seem like I am on the path to conversion because I don't see a problem and don't find it a big deal and don't consider it bending over backwards to give out some candy.

red sea

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 11:15 am

Kids do not go knocking on strangers doors anymore. If you are friendly enough with a non jewish neighbor, they know that you dont celebrate the same holidays. How does this even come up anymore these days? When I was small, if you didnt give candy and they had seen youre home they would egg your house or worse. But that is like history.

amother

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 11:20 am

amother wrote:

Rabbi Yakov Kamentzky was my next door neighbor for years. I wonder where your husband got that information from. Yes, he would give us frum neighborhood kids lollypops but dunno about halloween. Please check your source.

Did you live there before R Yaakov moved in? I wonder if we sort of know each other.

ny21

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 11:40 am

Rabbi Kaminetsy is a good friend of our family

he married us - and he comes to all our familys simchas

shalhevet

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 11:43 am

brooklyn wrote:

As usual people speak about things that they know nothing about. It is not about making your neighbors feel good about you, it is about doing the right thing.

For me the Torah says what is the right thing, not my feelings.

Quote:

If your non Jewish neighbor came to you on Chanuka or Rosh Hashana or any other Yom Tov and gives you a cake that they went out of their way to get from a kosher bakery. They give it to you and say Happy Holiday, they do that because they are your neighbor and they like you, Why shouldn't I reciprocate on there holidays.

Maybe because marking their holidays could be considered a form of idolatory. (I am not talking halachically here; I haven't researched it) It is forbidden for a Jew to wear a red shoelace if that is what the non-Jews where he live wear and the Jews wear black. There is an issur of uv'bechukosaihem lo teleichu.

Quote:

Maybe I am just lucky that I live in an area where I can have non Jewish neighbors who can respect me as a Jew and I can respect them for whatever religion they are.

But you don't want them to respect you as a Jew. You want them to respect you because you are trying to please them.

Quote:

Honestly I wish that my Jewish neighbors were half as nice as my non Jewish ones are. At least they are not judgemental.

And that was just the nicest, non-judgemental and non-sweeping statement to make the day after YK.

BTW, there have been many parties/ get-togethers from my work, run by frum people which I have not attended because the events don't meet my standards of tzniyus etc. No-one was ever offended.

morningstar

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 11:58 am

You can be congenial with your non-Jewish neighbors even if you do not participate in their holidays. I would imagine that the kids next door would be content, if, even though you did not buy Halloween candy, you gave some of your extra Purim stash to them. . .

DefyGravity

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 12:08 pm

Do your neigbors give you mishloach manot on Purim? Most likely not. There's no reason to give them candy on Halloween.

Just turn your lights off and that's it.

MommyLuv

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 12:46 pm

I can't imagine any halachic proibition about giving non-Jewish kids candy on Halloween... the kids, and most people, dont even know the pagan origins of this holiday. It's totally a secular holiday (and un-Jewish too, for sure.)

If it would increase the goodwill between neighbours, as Brooklyn said, why not?

Personally though, I am probably just going to explain to the kids that do come to my door that we dont celebrate Halloween.

brooklyn

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 12:55 pm

[quote="mummyof6"]

brooklyn wrote:

As usual people speak about things that they know nothing about. It is not about making your neighbors feel good about you, it is about doing the right thing.

mummyof6 wrote:

For me the Torah says what is the right thing, not my feelings.

I'm not going to even attempt to touch that one (what would be the point)

Quote:

mummyof6 wrote:

Well then I guess wearing any modern style clothes would fall under that category as the non jews wear that.

Quote:

Maybe I am just lucky that I live in an area where I can have non Jewish neighbors who can respect me as a Jew and I can respect them for whatever religion they are.

mummyof6 wrote:

But you don't want them to respect you as a Jew. You want them to respect you because you are trying to please them.

Wrong again I'm afraid. I am not trying to please anyone, I am doing what I (and obviously not you ) feel is being nice.

Quote:

Honestly I wish that my Jewish neighbors were half as nice as my non Jewish ones are. At least they are not judgemental.

mummyof6 wrote:

And that was just the nicest, non-judgemental and non-sweeping statement to make the day after YK.

Hey if the shoe fits, unless of course it is a style that is popular with the non jews in which case you should not be trying it on.

mummyof6 wrote:

BTW, there have been many parties/ get-togethers from my work, run by frum people which I have not attended because the events don't meet my standards of tzniyus etc. No-one was ever offended.

Again you have to live with your standards, not me.

chocolate moose

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 12:56 pm

What kind of candy are you giving out? Kosher?

brooklyn

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 1:01 pm

Yes, stuff that my kids could have when left over.

JRKmommy

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 1:17 pm

Brooklyn: The basic custom here is that you don't ring the bell if the lights are off. That's why I keep the lights off. Otherwise, I know all the kids would ring the bell, and as I said, answering the door with a speech instead of candy would seem a bit obnoxious.

Your decision about candy is your business.

Personally, I grew up in a house that did give out candy, but dh and I made the decision not to. We live in a mixed neighbourhood. Most of our immediate neighbours know that we are observant Jews. Many of the kids are from not-so-observant families. We do invite the neighbours to our sukkah, give out mishloat manot, etc.

Dh and I made the decision to emphasize Jewish holidays only with the kids. They know that Halloween exists, but we just say that it's not "our" holiday. I don't think it would be possible for us, personally, to be answering the door and giving out candy all night without making it seem like "our" holiday, and it would be very hard to explain to the kids why the other kids in the neighbourhood were going out (including some of their friends) when they couldn't.

Re "holiday parties" from work: Again, we've been to these in the past. Most, of course, aren't on Dec. 25 and have very little connection with anything religious. My basic yearly dilemna is, "what do I get people and what is the bottom-line requirement for getting along with the office staff?" In Jewish settings, of course, it's a non-issue. One year, it was a Hindu co-worker who lead off the gift-giving, which I totally hadn't planned for. When I was working in a large office with non-Jewish office staff, I did get the legal assistants small "end-of-the-year" presents, because that's the cost of doing business. As for the other aspects of the parties - kashruth is often an issue unless you just drink a Coke, tsnius can be an issue (even for someone like me who is more flexible than most here) if the party goes on for a while and people are drinking, and of course Fri. night parties are out of the question. So, the most that we do is basically show up briefly to non-Fri. night parties, sip a Coke, and say we need to get back to the babysitter. [Fortunately, we've escaped the need to deal with a "Xmas bonus" for the nanny due to the fact that her birthday is Dec. 22 - we just give a generous birthday bonus]

Ruchel

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 1:23 pm

lubcoralsprings wrote:

I live in Florida, in an area where I have both Jewish and non-Jewish neighbors. I know that I will get trick or treaters this year and since I am friendly with my non-Jewish neighbors I don't want to close the door on their children. I am thinking that I will give out halloween candy. Is there any kind of problem with that? I was wondering what others do.

We give candies if we have them at home, we don't buy them just for giving. We never celebrated Halloween, but in France it is no big thing.
Holiday parties from work: we don't go.

brooklyn

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 1:56 pm

JRKmommy wrote:

Finally a well written non judgemental response. Thank you. I agree with you with regards to the office parties, I also go for a little while just to show my face. In my neighborhood there are very few kids that come knocking on your door, however there are some. Even with the lights off sometimes there are some knockers, especially if it is during the day. You are right it is my decision, I just start boiling when people start making you feel like youre going to hell and such for such idiotic things.

leomom

Tue, Oct 03 2006, 2:48 pm

I haven't seen too many posts that are judgmental here. From what I've seen, people have just stated their opinions. No one has implied that people who disagree are going to you-know-where (is that a Jewish concept? off-topic I guess!). I know that I and several other people have clearly said that it's a personal decision, but what we do is turn off the lights, etc.

I also put a sign on my door (my kids decorate it and make it friendly and neighborly Very Happy

) so that when it's still light out, hopefully kids will see that we are not taking part. If they do knock, we might open the door and say sorry, we don't have candy to give out.

For me, not giving candy is mostly a chinuch issue. I don't want my kids to have Halloween be, for THEM, an annual thing that is marked with candy-buying. I'm not so sure that the message they would actually get from that is, "We buy Halloween candy to be nice to the neighbors." They could easily start to feel like they are part of it.

As far as Shalach Manos, we GIVE extras to our non-Jewish neighbors, etc. That's different, isn't it? If our non-Jewish neighbors wanted to give their (kosher) leftover Halloween candy to us as a gesture of kindness, there wouldn't be any issue. Right? But I would never expect a non-Jewish neighbor to give us Shalach Manos....

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