PSA: Babysitting etiquette for moms who hire teen sitters

morah

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 3:48 pm

I'm not so far removed from teenage babysitting myself, and I'm shocked that these things need to be said. I NEVER had these issues when I babysat- maybe it's because I grew up in a highly affluent community (thus no one ever tried to stiff me), maybe people were just more considerate- but these were never problems I had to deal with. The only bad night I ever had over the course of my adolescence was the time the kid spiked a fever of 102 and vomited several times. I was trying to reach the parents, but they were at the shul dinner and not picking up. I ended up getting through to my mom, who was also at the shul dinner, and both she and the mother of the kid left early- the mother to be with her sick child, and my mother to take me home and calm me down- I was only 14 and very shaken from the incident. The mother paid me extra to compensate for the cleaning up I'd had to do, not to mention the trauma- not because I asked for it, but because it was the right thing to do.

amother

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 4:44 pm

amother wrote:

I can agree with you on #1-4. But #5? No. I pay a babysitter to watch my kids. If they happen to be sleeping when you come, lucky you. Free time. But I would never hire anyone who has the expectation to get paid to keep the couch warm and nothing more.

Amother, you are missing the point totally. Read carefully. what I said was I understand if kids wake up. They are kids. But if a mom promises that her kids are going to be asleep when DD comes and they are not, that is a totaly different story.

amother

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 4:49 pm

I agree 100% with everything you've said. Please add from the parents point of view, I am happy when you make yourself at home, eat all the nosh you want, but please! Throw wrappers in the garbage! You open a soda, for goodness sake, please close it! Full bottle of fresca was thrown out because you neglected to close it. I dont need to clean up after you. I pay you well, I am never ever late, my kids go to sleep when told, my home is clean, you sit on a couch, air condition on... Please respect me too. Please dont put your wet raincoat on my couch, hang it on a chair. Of it snows, please take off you boots, they're wet!! Etc.

flowerpower

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 4:58 pm

Op-I use a family of girls who are in high school and up. The mom makes sure to inquire about the bedtime situation or if anyone is sick.. and makes sure you know the price beforehand which is ten bucks an hour-most girls take that now. Perhaps you can do the same for your teenager. I try to have my kids sleeping when the sitter comes but not always does it work-I really try my best.

amother

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 5:07 pm

From the parents point of view: just like we tell you not to open the door for anyone, please let us know if you're having friends over while we're out!! It would be nice to ask us. Not for us to walk in, you both leave, ( need to drop off friend too??? Other end of town) then to come home, clean up your mess. Want to treat myself to gushers, had closed box when we left, to find now, the box is open, AND EMPTY!! How sweet. If you open bags that are tied, please tie them too.....

life'sgreat

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 5:09 pm

amother wrote:

No one can ever promise their kids to be asleep.

amother

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 5:53 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

No one can ever promise their kids to be asleep.

100% -But if they promise not to leave until their kids are asleep, thats another story.

ra_mom

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 6:22 pm

amother wrote:

And here I thought babysitting was about watching children.
I don't consider that nothing.
Even if it means that they are warming the couch while they keep watch of sleeping children.

life'sgreat

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 6:25 pm

ra_mom wrote:

amother wrote:

And here I thought babysitting was about watching children.
I don't consider that nothing.
Even if it means that they are warming the couch while they keep watch of sleeping children.

Right. And that's what they are doing. Otherwise, why don't you just leave them on their own if they don't need to be watched while they are sleeping?

amother

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 6:38 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

ra_mom wrote:

amother wrote:

And here I thought babysitting was about watching children.
I don't consider that nothing.
Even if it means that they are warming the couch while they keep watch of sleeping children.

Right. And that's what they are doing. Otherwise, why don't you just leave them on their own if they don't need to be watched while they are sleeping?

Its attitudes such as yours that cause this problem to begin with.

The next time a sitter comes over to watch your kids and your DC vomits, she will just sit there and watch, because after all, as you said "I pay a babysitter to WATCH MY KIDS".

amother

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 6:42 pm

ra_mom wrote:

amother wrote:

And here I thought babysitting was about watching children.
I don't consider that nothing.
Even if it means that they are warming the couch while they keep watch of sleeping children.

The point is a babysitter should not come in with expectation of NOT interacting with children. If it works out that way and they can pass the time chatting with friends, reading a book, studying, or whatever - great! But to be annoyed when it doesn't work out that way? Chutzpah!

Look, I always try to get my kids to bed before I head out. It's easier on them. I do it for their sake, not for the sake of the babysitter. If one or more of the kids is in a mood and not cooperating - what should I do? Sorry, babysitter, but you'll have to do some work. I mean, seriously, they ARE getting paid after all.

life'sgreat

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 6:43 pm

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

ra_mom wrote:

amother wrote:

And here I thought babysitting was about watching children.
I don't consider that nothing.
Even if it means that they are warming the couch while they keep watch of sleeping children.

Right. And that's what they are doing. Otherwise, why don't you just leave them on their own if they don't need to be watched while they are sleeping?

1. I don't hire babysitters.
2. I wasn't a babysitter much myself.
3. Generally, kids get babysitters at night when they are asleep, unless otherwise specified. If the mother is aware that the children will be awake, she should discuss this with the babysitter, as many won't take on such jobs as they expect to have quiet time to study, talk on the phone, or read a book. If the mother is aware that a child is sick and will need extra care due to a child being sick, they should be clear about that when they hire the babysitter and give the babysitter the option to opt out. There's a difference between babysitting kids at night vs being a mother's helper, which in essence, your version of 'babysitting' seems to be.
4. I don't believe in milking a worker for all their worth just because you're the one with the mighty dollar.

amother

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 6:44 pm

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

ra_mom wrote:

amother wrote:

And here I thought babysitting was about watching children.
I don't consider that nothing.
Even if it means that they are warming the couch while they keep watch of sleeping children.

Right. And that's what they are doing. Otherwise, why don't you just leave them on their own if they don't need to be watched while they are sleeping?

Really? You want to make an issue of semantics? Because I said watch instead of take care of? Rolling Eyes

life'sgreat

Tue, Jun 07 2011, 6:52 pm

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

ra_mom wrote:

amother wrote:

And here I thought babysitting was about watching children.
I don't consider that nothing.
Even if it means that they are warming the couch while they keep watch of sleeping children.

Right. And that's what they are doing. Otherwise, why don't you just leave them on their own if they don't need to be watched while they are sleeping?

Really? You want to make an issue of semantics? Because I said watch instead of take care of? Rolling Eyes

Read above. If your kids will be awake, you should be open about it when you hire the babysitter.

Fox

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 12:04 am

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

ra_mom wrote:

amother wrote:

And here I thought babysitting was about watching children.
I don't consider that nothing.
Even if it means that they are warming the couch while they keep watch of sleeping children.

Right. And that's what they are doing. Otherwise, why don't you just leave them on their own if they don't need to be watched while they are sleeping?

Really? You want to make an issue of semantics? Because I said watch instead of take care of? Rolling Eyes

Read above. If your kids will be awake, you should be open about it when you hire the babysitter.

I think the problem is when mothers "promise" that their kids will be asleep and then use that as a negotiating point in terms of getting a teenager to accept the job or getting her to accept a highly minimum wage.

No mother should every "promise" that her kids will be/stay asleep -- it's just not possible. It's one thing to say, "My kids are usually asleep by 8." It's another to say, "Oh, they'll be asleep the whole time -- you won't have to do a thing." I think most people appreciate a self-deprecating sense of humor when it comes to describing their own kids.

Mama Bear

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 1:41 am

I do pay girls to keep the couch warm. My kids are asleep by 7:45 and most simchos dont start before 9:00. I cant leave my kids home alone unsupervised, even when asleep, it's not safe. So yes, I'm paying for a teen to study for a test or watch a dvd or yap on the phone for 2 hours just so I can go to my nephew's bar mitzvah or whatever...

I dont appreciate, however, being dragged home from my sister in law's sheva brachos because the baby woke up and is still crying because the babysitter handed him the bottle instead of taking him out of bed & giving him the bottle. (by the time I got home, he was happily sitting in her lap watching a dvd with him.) Or being shlepped home from my nephew's bar mitzvah because the almost-3 yr old is crying very hard and she feels sorry for him. or - the best one yet - being shlepped home from BORO PARK from a first cousins wedding because my 18 month old threw up and she doesnt know what to do... um, you throw down a few rags and change the baby! They are clueless if any little thing goes haywire...