PSA: Babysitting etiquette for moms who hire teen sitters

overthehill

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 8:10 am

Raisin wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

yummy2 wrote:

Mamabear, if my child threw up, I would want to be called

.

I think a child needs their mother when they vomit.

you would want your kid to not be cleaned up and left in the vomit till you came home?

Id want my kid to be cleaned up, but I would also want to know my kid vomitted- and I would be on my way home in a jiffy. If a kid vomits, it could mean that they are really sick, and a teen is generally not equipped in dealing with a sick kid, let alone one that is not their brother or sister.

ra_mom

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 11:25 am

life'sgreat wrote:

Raisin wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

yummy2 wrote:

Mamabear, if my child threw up, I would want to be called

.

I think a child needs their mother when they vomit.

you would want your kid to not be cleaned up and left in the vomit till you came home?

I'd want her to clean up the vomit, but I'd come right home anyway.

I'd want her to clean up the child, as in change the child into something clean and wipe the child down as necessary, but I wouldn't expect her to clean up the vomit.
I would be okay with a heap of vomit clothes and vomit being left on the floor.
I don't think it's fair to ask a teenager to clean the house of my child's vomit.
But I would expect a call so that I could decide if I need to head home.

Mama Bear

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 12:02 pm

yummy2 wrote:

Mamabear, if my child threw up, I would want to be called

Of course I want to be called!! she called me!! My answer was, "I'm in boro park, 45 minutes away by bus, I cant get there instantly. Please just wipe up the floor with a rag and change his pajamas, I'll get there when I can. But I'm not there!" She just gave me a panicked "I dont know how to deal with this" - btw, a 30 yr old married woman, who is a little 'slow'. I dont drive, dh didnt have a car then, I couldnt just apparate from boro park. and he hadnt thrown up from fever; he had reflux and threw up almsot every day. Of course I want to be called, but I was irritated that I had to run around the chasuneh hall trying to find a car to get home with - and the kallah hadnt even come in yet. It doesnt take too much to put a rag down on a floor.

What if I was in monsey or kiryas yoel, 1 1/2 hours away?

shlomitsmum

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 12:19 pm

OP I read your Post to my 14 y/o DD she thought I wrote it .....she has had all the experiences you described.
WORSE one ever was this couple...
It was Sunday DD was told she was needed from 8 to 11 PM "latest"..... I passed out on the couch waiting and Dh woke up at 1 am and asked what time did DD come home ? we looked for her and finally called her cell panicking....she was still up bottlefeeding an infant .

DH was livid! he told her to call the mum ...the mum said they were on their way (and ignored 2 follow up calls )...but they showed up 1 hour later and only after DH got a hold of them and told them he was picking DD up in minutes otherwise their kids would be left hefker (empty threat he would never do that BTW)

she worked 7 hours till 3 AM....they gave her $35 ,no tip ,no apology nothing shock

The guy gave DH a nasty/chutzpah/angry look... and said shrugging Its mikveh night shock

dh was horrified and grossed out ...TMI!

then the woman had the chutzpah to call back ,and when I mentioned that she would not be available due to the tardiness she replied "we paid her well" ! back in 1995....I guess Rolling Eyes

I said please don't call my child again and hung up....to avoid calling her a nasty name Twisted Evil

I HATE people who exploit babysitters.

PS...DD has cleaned up barf , but my friend gave her 10 extra dollars for doing it .

amother

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 1:04 pm

shlomitsmum wrote:

The guy gave DH a nasty/chutzpah/angry look... and said shrugging Its mikveh night shock

I said please don't call my child again and hung up....to avoid calling her a nasty name Twisted Evil

I HATE people who exploit babysitters.

PS...DD has cleaned up barf , but my friend gave her 10 extra dollars for doing it .

OP here-

Thanks for commiserating with me

It bothers me so much that people can and do take advantage of kids. Not always, but for the ones that do, just think what if it was your kid- would you want them treated that way?

amother

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 1:11 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

yummy2 wrote:

Mamabear, if my child threw up, I would want to be called

I personally find that is the problem with a teen sitter (or in your above case an older person who is "slow"). The whole point is that they are there specifically in case of the emergency... be it a sick kid or whatever else could possibly go wrong c"v. If they can't handle that rare emergency, then who needs them? I know there are exceptions - that there are some teens who are very trustworthy and experienced and can handle themselves under pressure - but it's hard to know until you try them out and for a few dollars more I'm glad to have a responsible adult with my kids. And while I do try to get them to bed before going out, it's an extra comfort to know that if the kids are up there wont be some disgruntled kid here who is angry cause her night was ruined.

Simple1

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 1:18 pm

To elaborate on #2: It happened a few times that the parent would call my daughter and ask if she minds that they'll be a little late. My dd said OK, because she felt funny saying "no you can't stay longer", and sometimes it was more of a statement than a request. I understand if something unavoidable came up, but I think you need to be honest before you hire the sitter and know how long you will be out. I think some people are afraid to say straight out that the'll be out till 12:30 or whatever, because they're afraid the girl won't accept the job.

ora_43

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 2:03 pm

I think some of the points are reasonable. But re:#1 - I think anyone doing a job should state their price up front. Of course it's the responsibility of the people paying for the service to figure out a price in advance as well.

But if nobody stated a price, then the worker needs to speak up if they aren't paid their rate!

Yes the parents hiring a babysitter should say in advance what they pay and then pay it, but if someone is working but isn't comfortable saying in advance, "My rate is .... " and saying if they're underpaid, "Excuse me, but I think you owe me another ....," that's a problem. They can't just rely on everyone who ever hires them to be fair and give them what they want without even being told what that is. If you don't give a price and insist on being paid you WILL be ripped off, right or wrong. If nothing else, some people just really have no idea whatsoever what the going rate is.

I had similar thoughts re: point #3. I try to treat my babysitters well but I'm not psychic. If the house is overly hot, the babysitter needs to speak up and say, "it's hot in here, can we leave a window open," or "can you please leave a fan on."

Re #5 - yes, parents should only say the kids will be asleep if they aren't going to leave until the kids are actually asleep. But as previous posters said, part of babysitting is being ready to deal with whatever happens, which often means kids who don't fall asleep at the usual time or wake up at night. Anyone who is desperate to study should stay home and study, not take a job.

And again, the babysitter needs to SPEAK UP. If the parents said they wouldn't leave until the kids are asleep, check that the kids are actually asleep. If they aren't, feel free to insist that the parents either stay until the kids are asleep or pay a higher rate.

Merrymom

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 2:06 pm

Because of all my negative experiences babysitting I won't allow my daughters (I'd never ever allow a boy to babysit my children btw) to babysit for anyone but their own immediate relatives or close friends' children. They earn money by doing chores around the house instead for the most part.

I think the attitude of parents trying to get a bargain so they can have some fun is just really horrendous and completely lacking in ahavas yisrael. A young girl that has no experience in a work situation is supposed to suddenly develop the confidence to say what she expects from the adults who hire her? Be a mentch or don't expect a good babysitter to ever come back to you. Also parents should be checking their daughter's wages to find out if they're being paid well. Some girls are too shy to speak up and get taken advantage of for years and years while the parents don't have a clue. If the parent underpays your child get on the phone!

Raisin

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 2:16 pm

Merrymom wrote:

I rarely had negative experiences babysitting. Once the parents were late from a wedding. Looking back, the only bad part about that was not knowing what happened to them. If they would have told me they were late I wouldn't have spent 2 hours imagining car wrecks.

Most people were wonderful, and I am happy I gave young mothers the chance to go to mikva, go to a shiur, go on a date with their husbands, or go to a simcha. Not every one has close friends or relatives who can babysit.

ora_43

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 2:44 pm

Merrymom wrote:

I think the attitude of parents trying to get a bargain so they can have some fun is just really horrendous and completely lacking in ahavas yisrael. A young girl that has no experience in a work situation is supposed to suddenly develop the confidence to say what she expects from the adults who hire her?

I don't entirely agree. Yes, parents shouldn't deliberately rip off their babysitters. But usually it's the girls advertising themselves as available to babysit, not parents calling up teens at random and asking them to work. If someone says they work at a certain job, it's completely reasonable to expect them to have a salary in mind and tell you what they want to be paid.

The fact that young teens are often shy talking about salary is one of the reasons it's so good for girls to babysit. They have to get comfortable talking about salary someday. Better to learn as a 14 or 15-year-old that you won't be paid $8/hour instead of $5/hour unless you ask for it, than to end up as one of the many 20 or even 30-somethings who is still uncomfortable asking for a fair salary.

I agree with you that parents should be active in making sure their dds are being treated fairly. But the solution IMO is to teach the dds to be confident and give them lifelong workplace skills. NOT to get on the phone for them, how will they learn that way?

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 2:52 pm

amother wrote:

Mama Bear wrote:

yummy2 wrote:

Mamabear, if my child threw up, I would want to be called

In some cases, their "handling" the situation is alerting the parent that it's time to come home.

And for that very reason, if you are going out of town (say, more than 1/2 hour away) it behooves you to hire someone who is mature enough and capable enough to handle an emergency. A 13 year-old will often not cut it.

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 2:54 pm

ora_43 wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

Ora, where I live it's the parents calling the teens and begging them to babysit, when they have school pressure and other obligations and they babysit because they feel bad that their neighbor will have to miss a family Simcha if they don't, but the teacher is not going to excuse them from homework the next day which they must get done, crying children or not.

I had neighbors who called and begged my DD to babysit 3 kids when she was 11! And couldn't understand when I said I felt that was too much responsibility for her.

Chavelamomela

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 3:02 pm

I babysat a LOT in high school, and generally had good experiences. Every now and then I got stiffed (I generally was paid $5-6/hour, and once someone paid me $3/hour -and I never babysat for those people again). I always said yes to babysitting jobs as long as I was available - I loved having $ to buy special things or just to save up - my parents appreciated that I would use my own hard-earned $ to buy myself treats, because it taught me the value of money.

In terms of being out late, my parents generally didn't object if I was out late as long as I functioned. I had several regular babysitting gigs where I would come in the evening, help the kids get to sleep, and then study or watch tv or read. I would fall asleep on the couch - and the parents were fine with that, as long as I'd be available in an emergency (it's no different than a sleeping parent in a house of sleeping children) or to help a child who woke up to get back to sleep. The parents would make a blanket & pillow available for me to use on the couch. So sure, I'd be out until 12:30 or 1am sometimes, but I was asleep when I got tired, and woke up for the quick transfer back to my own house.

In all my years of babysitting, I had ONE bad experience - one that caused my mother to intervene (she rarely got involved, and I appreciated her giving me the independence to decide for myself how to handle it). I got a call from a couple who were regular client to babysit for friends of theirs -a woman was getting a divorce, and they wanted me to watch the kid while she met with the Bet Din to get the Get (or something... they wanted to make sure that the Get was given that night before the DH skipped town. ) They instructed me to not open the door to the Dh (the dad) and that it would be a few hours. Well, every hour or so, they would call me saying it would be later, and later...and I couldn't stay asleep because they kept calling, and someone came to the door, which I didn't answer.... Needless to say, when this couple finally came to relieve me of duty at 3:30am, they realized that this job was probably too much for a 16 year old girl to handle...

My mother was livid that they put me through this. She (who RARELY intervenes) had a conniption that this couple had such a lack of judgement to have a teenager do a job that only a grown-up should do. If they were afraid that the dad would come to the door and wanted me to keep him out, this is not something a 16 year old should have to be responsible for!

Needless to say, I never sat for these people again - but I did continue to babysit and had fine experiences.

amother

Fri, Jun 10 2011, 3:14 pm

This reminds me of a time (I was about 17) when VERY wealthy friends of my parents went away and asked me to sleep over there for 3 days to watch their three kids.
I worked so hard getting all three kids up, dressed for school and fed in the morning; then bringing kids home from school, feeding, bathing, homework, bedtime etc.
They came back and asked me how much I wanted-- I said I had no idea how much one charges for a stay-away job, because none of my friends had ever had a job like that. She said, ok, I'll give you what I feel is right. She paid me, no joke, $60 for ALL 3 days and nights.

I was absolutely devastated, my parents were beyond mad and called the woman and she offered to pay the grand sum of $3 more per day! My parents never spoke to them again because they were so insulted; I never babysat for them again.

Now I have my own child b'H, I am very careful in paying and tipping, I am very careful to ask what one charges, and I always make sure to leave drinks, snacks etc. Especially b/c I know DS will be awake, I try and use the same babysitter so that noone has a hard time with him.