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-> Household Management
bubby
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 Mon, Jun 13 2011, 4:08 pm
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In answer to OP's question....HECK, NO!!!!
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amother
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 4:29 pm
op here. some of you had some good suggestions its just hard to actualy do it bec I dont want to insult her. O boy if you only knew the half of it...there are so many things she does that are just so bizarre now that Im thinking more about it. We will come one shabbos and there will be a fresh chumus/dill dip there. 3 weeks later, she will still be serving the same chumus/dill dip, this time however, there is mamish NOTHING left in the container, and there are bits and peices of challah in it. This is what she serves at a shabbos table???? It makes me sick! She happily accepts all of her siblings leftovers (which is normal), but then will freeze it and serve it months later, literally. It sounds like I am exagerating or making these things up, but I promise, Im not!!!
After reading what you all have to say, I think the idea that makes the most sense is that she has some sort of mental attachment to the food (she is overweight). I hope someday she will change.....
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Besiyata Dishmaya
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 4:32 pm
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Could you explain how YOU eat anything there?
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imasinger
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 4:49 pm
Wow, and I thought I was bad!
If one of my little ones doesn't finish a meal, and has un-bitten food, I will bag it (separately just for them) and have them eat it at the next meal sometimes.
I do keep things in the freezer for a long time, though not as long as DH's 10-year-old cholent (I wrote about that in a pre-pesach thread one time).
I will try to get every last drop out of jars, and I think it's sensible (and environmentally smart) to reuse containers when possible.
But I don't serve moldy food, or scrape individual plates into a common pot/bowl. Eww.
I like the idea of the sensitive stomach excuse. If you are close to her, you might be able to share your concerns more directly, by telling her that you worry about her health and that of her family, and current health information shows that the following of her (and her mother's) way of doing things is dangerous. Ideally, she'll stop doing it for everyone, not just for you. And maybe you could get DH and those teenage SIL's to join forces with you for the intervention.
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mommy's daughter
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 4:59 pm
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I didnt read all replys but certainly it comes from wwii deprived people they didnt have anything to eat so they dcnt see food goin to the garbage.
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bubby
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 5:06 pm
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OP, what on earth does your DH say? Do you let her feed your kids???
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amother
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 5:18 pm
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OP here bubby, I am married less then a year and have one baby BH, so feeding to my kids doesnt apply (yet). although my mil has little ones of her own. my dh never realized how insane this behavior is until I brought it to his attention, and agrees it is crazy but figures this is the way she is and will never change.
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manyhats
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 5:24 pm
OP, my sympathies.
This thread ...... seriously funny. Would make great satire.
Bracha
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zaq
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 6:01 pm
| Besiyata Dishmaya wrote: | | Could you explain how YOU eat anything there? |
OP is a saint and her continued good health is the miracle that proves it.
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zaq
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 6:03 pm
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I'll tell you one thing: OP's siblings-in-law clearly have immune systems that put superheroes to shame.
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mummiedearest
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 6:05 pm
op,
you have a baby. if you are nursing, you should ABSOLUTELY NOT be eating anything at her house. period.
now, as for those who say dh should handle this, I disagree. she's not willing to change for her own hubby, and her other kids are protesting to no avail. sometimes an outsider's opinion is what's needed. op, you need to sit down with mil and have a very frank talk.
"ma, first off I want to tell you how much I appreciate you. I'm so grateful to you for raising dh, he's really wonderful. I want you to know that I love you very much. I need to bring up a sensitive topic, and I need you to hear me out. I know you may be insulted, and that is not my intention at all. I want to make you feel happy. here's the thing. I can't eat your food. you're a wonderful cook, but I have seen you do things with leftovers that are positively dangerous for me. I can't allow any children I may have in the future to eat your food. I know you love having us, and I'd love to be able to come often. what can I do to help you change your leftover habits? this is not just an issue for me, but will be a serious issue with any future child-in-law you may have. I want you to be able to have a good relationship with all of us, and food issues can cause a lot of relationship problems."
that was an outline. give her a list of specifics, typed if necessary.
now then, you have to determine what behaviors are ok and what's not. reusing jars is perfectly fine. serving rotten food is not. putting back group leftovers is not. however, you may compromise. tell her to put those back in a separate container for her personal use later. it's a step in the right direction. washing plastic/styrofoam is nothing terrible. she's not the first to do it. let that slide. focus on what you consider dangerous, not weird. we are a generation of wasters, that doesn't mean she has to be.
good luck on this.
now then, to the poster who is grossed out by using yahrtzeit candle glasses, that was commonly done in what would be your grandparent-in-law's generation. in fact, cookbooks often measured ingredients by standard yahrtzeit candle glasses. people kept matching sets. there is really nothing wrong with it. I bet people have heirloom sets sitting around. this is the same as a mayo jar. why not reuse them? for those who are interested in recycling, recycling is third on the list. first come reduce and reuse. I honestly wish my recycling bag was not so embarrassingly large every week...
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mommy7
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 6:19 pm
I haven't read all the replies, so I might be repeating, but your MIL clearly suffers from a disorder. I hesitate to say OCD, but somewhere in that ballpark. Her need to preserve food goes far beyond the borders of what is considered universally acceptable, or even reasonable. She needs help, and you need to say 'no' when something unhealthy or unsanitary is placed in front of you. Don't say it to her, if you think it unwise, but say it to yourself.
My grandmother used to save sour milk to put into her chocolate cakes, scrape mold off of food before serving it, etc, but she grew up during the depression, so we all excused it. However, I rarely ate more than one bite of anything in her house. My grandfather used to fortify all the grandchildren with jelly-beans so we wouldn't starve.
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mommalah
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 6:52 pm
| kalsee wrote: | My friend has grandparents who are holocaust survivors, and this sounds like her grandmother.
She used to serve her soft cheese with green moldy spots in it and tried to convince her that it's raisins. |
That's totally nuts! Got me cracking up here.....
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amother
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 6:53 pm
| mummiedearest wrote: |
now then, to the poster who is grossed out by using yahrtzeit candle glasses, that was commonly done in what would be your grandparent-in-law's generation. in fact, cookbooks often measured ingredients by standard yahrtzeit candle glasses. people kept matching sets. |
Till I was in middle school I had no idea there was such a thing as a drinking glass that didn't start out life as a yahrzeit glass. Nobody we knew used anything else. My bff can't cook without them. All her recipes are from her mom and they all use a yahrzeit glass--the tall faceted old ones that burned for a good 30 hours or more, not the dinky little dwarf ones they sell today that you can't be sure will go the full 24 hours--as a measure. When she broke the last one she had, she was af tzores till I found a couple lying around and gave them to her. The tradition continues, at least as long as those glasses hold out.
You younguns who think reusing a container is gross (why, if you wash it out?) did you know that as late as the 1960s milk and soft drinks were sold in glass bottles that you returned to the seller for reuse? What, aside from cost and stylishness, is the difference between reusing a jar that you bought with pickles or mayonnaise in it and buying a glass or plastic jar at the Container Store and using that over and over? I'll tell you: none whatsoever.
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amother
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 7:02 pm
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Sorry, OP, I only read your post up until the chicken soup. I have to go barf now. And hope and pray that I don't know your MIL and will never eat by her.
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BoomChickaPop
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 7:02 pm
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It is not normal, OP you are very special, what can I say, I would not have eaten any cooked food in that house, if I was there for a shabbos then I would have a piece of challah and that's all.
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auntie_em
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 7:04 pm
Pop and milk were sold in glass jars into the 70's. Not only were they returned to the seller for reuse...but for cash or credit! We would pick them up from anywhere you can imagine and cash in! LOL
Ahhh...good times!
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bluebird
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 7:57 pm
| amother wrote: | | You younguns who think reusing a container is gross (why, if you wash it out?) did you know that as late as the 1960s milk and soft drinks were sold in glass bottles that you returned to the seller for reuse? What, aside from cost and stylishness, is the difference between reusing a jar that you bought with pickles or mayonnaise in it and buying a glass or plastic jar at the Container Store and using that over and over? I'll tell you: none whatsoever. |
Glass is not porous and generally not prone to scratching. If it's properly sterilized—which a large corporation reusing bottles would have to be doing—then it should be fine for several uses. I'd also imagine that a responsible company would reject any bottles that don't meet their standards, such as having chips, cracks, or scratches. Those things are important as they are areas that may be missed when cleaning and can build up a lot of bacteria. It's the same reason that restaurants are not permitted to use any tableware with chips, cracks, or scratches.
Plastic was not heavily used in the era you're talking about. Plastic is porous, unlike glass. You can't easily sterilize it as most plastic used in food containers would melt. It's not inert like glass and can leach harmful chemicals into your food. BPA is a good example of this. Also unlike glass, plastic pits and scratches easily in ways that are not visible to the naked eye. Those areas are going to be rife with bacteria no matter how well you clean.
I would only reuse plastic containers if they're food-safe, and if I'm every the slightest bit concerned about their safety at any point, into the trash they go. I've actually switched to all glass food containers so it's moot.
I have never, ever heard of a company that reuses plastic food containers. I wouldn't do it with food in my home, either. Even when reusing glass jars for canning people STERILIZE them first. There's a good reason for that.
What the OP's MIL is doing is highly unsafe, especially given that she's putting food that has contact with people's saliva, sneezes, hands, hair, etc back into those containers. I bet you that she's not sterilizing them first.
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geshmak
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 8:31 pm
| zaq wrote: | | Besiyata Dishmaya wrote: | | Could you explain how YOU eat anything there? |
OP is a saint and her continued good health is the miracle that proves it. |
I just woke up my family, I laughed so hard at this comment.
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mama-star
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Mon, Jun 13 2011, 10:30 pm
| shlomitsmum wrote: | OMG....Sounds like your poor MIL may have some OCD or hording tendencies (we had a neighbour like your MIL)
Chuck it up to a disability/illness and for safety reasons avoid eating there.... Spoiled food can cause damage and serious illness in children and adults.
Cooked fish keeps 3 to 4 days , frozen 4 to 6 months. Smoked fish, 14 days or date on vacuum The fish you ate was a health hazard!
Maybe get her info on food safety or something .
http://www.fsis.usda.gov/facts.....x.asp |
yeah I think there's some mental health stuff going on here. sorry you have this issue, op.
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