help! is my mother in law normal???

amother

Tue, Jun 14 2011, 3:36 am

Yeah. My mother in law also does this, but to a smaller extent.
Good to know I am not alone on this one!
They all take germs in my husbands family. My family is the hygienic type.
If I began to eat a piece of fish and then changed my mind, my mother in law might take it off my plate and eat it. They also reuse containers...
I don't have to worry about other people's germs in the food, as long as I don't eat off of anyone's plate there!
BTW, doesn't it gross you out when ppl don't wash kiddush cups with soap and just rinse them out!!! LOL
You can come to my house. I make sure to be very hygienic!!!!

invisiblecircus

Tue, Jun 14 2011, 4:58 am

I'm from the UK and we bought milk and orange juice in glass bottles then returned the bottles for re-use well into the 1990s, maybe even later, I can't remember.

I always re-use glass jars. Plastic containers such as the ones used for ice-cream I often re-use too but usually for non food items like hair bands and sewing accessories.

Op, it's a shame your SILs don't make more of a fuss about this. If my mother did this I would refuse to eat the food and tell her why, as well as pointing out that it is even worse to serve this stuff to guests.

amother

Tue, Jun 14 2011, 5:08 am

zaq wrote:

I'll tell you one thing: OP's siblings-in-law clearly have immune systems that put superheroes to shame.

That's what we always say about the many children of a neighbor who consistently serves raw chicken for dinner.

imaima

Tue, Jun 14 2011, 7:29 am

auntie_em wrote:

Pop and milk were sold in glass jars into the 70's. Not only were they returned to the seller for reuse...but for cash or credit! We would pick them up from anywhere you can imagine and cash in! LOL

Ahhh...good times!

They do it again in Europe - you can get refund for some used glass jars. There is nothing wrong with that.

imaima

Tue, Jun 14 2011, 7:34 am

OP, if I were you, I would lie to her that I had a poisoning after eating in her house, bad bad bad diarrhea, and have an excuse for not eating there ever again!

Strawberry2

Tue, Jun 14 2011, 7:44 am

By my in-laws they have no problem taking their spoon & digging in to the pot or main dish & don't think there's anything wrong with it. when I say something they just mock & think "I'm" crazy.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Jun 14 2011, 9:53 am

you should definitely definitely say something

Last edited by amother on Mon, Sep 21 2015, 5:07 am; edited 1 time in total

aidelmaidel

Tue, Jun 14 2011, 11:04 am

This is going to be long, but just bear with me.

How many people who have responded here have actually lived in real poverty? Without electricity because there wasn't money to pay the bill or without food?

I have. I grew up that way. Coming home from school, not knowing if there were going to be lights or not when I got home. Eating rice and canned "gravy" for meal after meal. Not qualifying for free school lunches because my mother was too proud to ask for help and made too much to qualify. Wearing the same pair of jeans until they were shredded and unwearable. Getting a haircut once a year. Not going to the doctor because there was no health insurance. Using the money from my paper route to buy food.

There were so many days in my childhood that I went hungry.

So in my house, I have an ABUNDANCE of food. I have a very hard time throwing ANYTHING away. It physically pains me to throw food away. I am always worried that we won't have enough food. My DH is super paranoid and will not eat chicken I made for Shabbos, as leftovers after Wednesday. It's very hard for me to agree with him in this, but I respect his wishes. My freezer is always jammed with food. Even to this day, when I have a meal I eat A LOT because as the saying goes, "you gotta feed the hump, because you don't know when the next meal is coming." (Yes, I can understand on an intellectual level why this happens, and even on an emotional level, but it's hard to keep it in check - very ingrained.)

***BUT I NEVER took food off people's plates and put it back into the storage container. NEVER.*** If my kids don't finish their food, I might put it in a sandwich baggie with their name on it to finish it later on, but I definitely wouldn't do the soup thing.

So if your MIL grew up this way, she may feel the same way as I do.

Your MIL may have some other things that are causing this:
- it could be their financial situation hasn't always been "regular" and the only reason why it is "regular" now, is because your MIL is so frugal with food.
- it could be she is afraid of poverty if she grew up with it
- it could be she has been ingrained since a child that "you're not allowed to waste food" (hard to break childhood habits)
- if she grew up or lives in a more sheltered community then she may not have even learned about germs, bacteria, food safety, etc.
- there could be a very real OCD/anxiety issue going on
- if this is something recent, it could be a sign of early onset dementia or a mental illness

Some pieces of advice:
- your MIL is very unlikely to change
- it's very unlikely that you saying anything to her is going to accomplish anything - in fact it might backfire against you
- it is unreasonable to ask your DH to "stand up" to her and say something. She's raised him up to this point and he hasn't done/said much against it until now, so she will likely see you as the cause.
- your MIL needs a competent therapist, psychiatrist, and a food safety course
- maybe you could tell your MIL you want to take a food safety course and was wondering if she would join you.
- you could speak to a Rebbetzin in her community and maybe have someone give a community lecture about food safety, and bring your MIL to the lecture
- even if she goes to the lecture, it's VERY likely your MIL will respond, "Feh, I've been doing it all these years and nobody got sick." and she won't change.
- She may never change until someone gets VERY sick from her behaviour
- You should speak to a Rov about where your priorities should be - kivud av'vaim, pikuach nefesh, etc. If you are pregnant does that make a difference.
- You and your husband should formulate a plan of action and how to respond in various food situations with your MIL
- This will likely always be a issue. You and your DH and Rov need to discuss what will be okay and not okay with your children in your MIL's house.

I bless you with a lot of siyata d'shmaya, hatzlacha, compassion, and GOOD HEALTH (G-d knows you're going to need it).

zaq

Tue, Jun 14 2011, 12:47 pm

Those of you who are grossed out by the thought of reusing food containers, I assume you have a very large disposable tableware budget because you obviously can't reuse your own dishes or food storage containers, either.

styrofoam should not be reused, both because it harbors bacteria in its little crevices and because of the leaching of plasticizers. That doesn't mean that when you drink coffeee you must use a new cup every time you go for a refill. But don't even think of collecting styrofoam meat trays for a preschool art project, even if you wash them in the hottest water with bleach.

PETE, the clear flexible plastic used in some deli containers, should not be reused at all. That's because of the plasticizers.

Polypropylene can be safely reused. Almost all plastic food storage containers that you buy in a store are made of PP. Of course you wouldn't reuse for food storage a PP container that contained a chemical, because of the invisible chemical residues adsorbed onto the plastic, but you could certainly reuse it for non-food storage.

This info is from the Departments of Health and Environmental Protection.

DovDov

Wed, Jun 29 2011, 5:32 pm

I guess I'm the unhygenic one here.

I reuse containers and even sometimes plastic dishes. My milchig "tupperware" is all quart size yogurt containers.

I eat off my kids' plates and they eat off mine. DH too. Would never serve it to a guest, but amongst ourselves the attitude is we all have each other's germs anyway most likely.

I save sour milk for pancakes. Not clumpy sour milk, but milk that is too sour to enjoy as a drink. In fact, I only make pancakes when I have sour milk available because they come out best that way...

I freeze leftovers for months. Doesn't always taste the best, but it's safe. I will reheat and serve food after 4 days in the fridge (usually to family because I usually serve leftovers to family but no other reason).

My husband has been known to scrape plates after a meal into a dish he puts away in the fridge...for his own use only. I'd draw my line there -- it's one thing to say I'll eat food with your germs, quite another to say I'll eat food where your germs have had days to multiply. (Yes, bacteria can grow -- albeit slowly -- in a fridge).

So, OP, your MIL's habits are clearly well beyond what I'm describing, but I see what I do is also well beyond the pale for many commenters.