fun activities for a Bat Mitzvah, please!

nottelling

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 6:17 am

The way I understood it- just because a boy or girl turns 13 or 12, doesn't mean they are halachically an adult. some can become "an adult" earlier, some later.

the mitzvah of hafrashas challah has to be done by an adult. if the bat mitzvah girl isn't yet an "adult" then it could be a problem. it could be unclear if she is fully a woman yet, so best is for the mom to take a little challah. just in case when her daughter took and it didn't count, the mitzvah will have been done. do I make sense?
again, thats just what I read. ask your rav.

mizle10

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 7:17 am

nottelling wrote:

Umm... What???? o a bar mitzvah boy can't be part of a minyan if he didn't go through puberty??? Where in heavens name did you read that??

nottelling

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 8:24 am

I read it a while ago.. I don't remember where- sorry.

It brought an example of a bar mitzvah boy laining-- which if I remember correctly isn't d'orisa, that's why its ok. I really don't remember so clearly. but I was very suprised when I learned it. so ya, I don't know about a minyan.

I wasn't trying to stir up a whole thing here- I just wanted to point it out to the op in case she decides to do challah baking.. she should check with her rav first, that's all.

israelimom

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 9:27 am

How about this:
Now that your daughter is mechuyevet in mitzvoth, you can focus on any one of the mitzvoth and develop a theme around that. Challah and hadlakat neirot are both classic ideas, both for a theme and for the welcome addition of dear Torah/discussion of relevance of mitzvah now that your daughter has come of age.

I have absolute respect for the tzniyut of a scaled-down bar/bat mitzvah event; what I do not respect is demeaning the event into some kind of craft-centered party, when said craft has nothing to do with the essence of the day, which is that the child is now mechuyav/mechuyevet in mitzvoth. I made plenty of decorated placemats/pillowcases/pictureframes etc. in my time; appropriate for a birthday party, yes, but not for a bat-mitzvah, which marks kabbalat ol Torah u'mitzvot. And ABSOLUTELY save the mani/pedi/hair themed event for another time -- NOT a bat-mitzvah celebration.

For the poster who suggests that simanei bagrut are necessary for this shift into adulthood that occurs, whether one is physically mature or not, when a boy turns 13 and a girl 12, you are mistaken.

israelimom

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 10:17 am

Now THAT is a nice idea (the hospital gown idea). Or another chessed-oriented project. Or the challah idea. Just SOMETHING that relates to the significance of the day as a marker that your daughter is now mechuyevet in mitzvoth -- and does not detract from that significance.

Raisin

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 10:42 am

israelimom wrote:

in not one bar mitzva have I been to where there was any suggestion of this sort of thing. (except the aliya) Its very nice to do mitzvos, if there is some meaningful way of doing it, but there is also absolutely nothing wrong with just enjoying and celebrating the day. Presumably the bas mitzva girl will give a dvar torah.

Or is this just reinforcing the message that boys are allowed to have fun but girls should always bne doing chessed?

israelimom

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 11:04 am

Raisin, the Bar Mitzvah celebration inherently revolves around an aliyah la'Torah, so some sort of meaningful marker of the significance of the event is provided for. Of course, the celebratory aspect of a Bat Mitzvah seudah should be stressed -- it is a simcha, and a fun one at that! I personally do not believe in "crafts," but if one were to do a craft, would it not be most appropriate to mark the event with something of significance to Torah and mitzvoth, rather than painting napkin holders or hosting a makeup tutorial? What makes no sense to me is that, absent a shul ceremony which is not present in most Orthodox Bat-Mitzvah celebrations, there is little "tochen" to many of these parties.

Raisin

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 11:39 am

israelimom wrote:

there is very little toichen in most bar mitzva parties I have been to. They are usually held seperately from the aliya IME and basically consist of eating, divrei torah and maybe music or dancing. Nothing wrong with that.

I guess a make up party would be a bit frivolous, but you could always tie that in to the kiyor - which was made out of mirrors, if you want to add toichen. Wink

The toichen at a bas mitzva should come before, in the preparation for the day. There is nothing wrong with having fun, and no one should feel guilty if that is all they are able to arrange a creative mitzva drive type thing. challa is easy and fun to do it but maybe 3 girls in the class already had the same idea.

People do crafts because it is a relatively inexpensive entertainment and most 12 year olds enjoy it. Yes, a live band or singer might be enjoyed too but are a lot more money.

CatLady

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 12:33 pm

I'd suggest having the girls make chemo caps if they knit or crochet, or something ultra-easy like polar fleece mini-blankies for the local children's hospital or lap blankets for the wheelchair-bound. This would be very much appreciated by the recipients and combines crafts and chesed. Then, you could serve dessert or high tea with little sandwiches, scones, fruit, etc. Another idea would be an afternoon of making cake pops, cupcakes or whatever, decorating them and having a bake sale to raise money for a worthy cause. They would have to sample the wares, of course, in the interest of "quality control". ;-)

As for the spa/mani-pedi idea, I' see that as more of a Sweet Sixteen type of activity. None of the girls I know have Sweet Sixteens anymore, but 16-year-old CatTeen would have loved having designs painted on her toenails!

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 12:47 pm

mummy-bh wrote:

we did a challa party for my oldest dd. After she took challa, I spoke a little about the whole inyan, then I did a little demo and taught the girls how to braid a six stranded challa. I put them aside to rise, baked them later so everyone took their challa home (we did a shabbos theme so I made up a cute plate with other items - eg candle, chocolate coin for 'tzedoko' etc).

I also made a fancy meal - dd wanted a barmitzva type seuda, so that's what I made, with speeches - from dd and dh.

Now that's a Bat Mitzvah to remember. At home, or another location? How many girls, more or less? How was cleanup afterward? Did the girls like it? Did your DD like it? How did the other girls' mothers like it? Are you a kitchen genius or can anybody do this? Do you have a schedule and recipe and speech transcript you could share? Do you know any Facilitator Challah Ladies who would have bowl, will travel, to do this for other mothers for a fee? Perhaps that might be more convenient for some mothers.

And then there is The Souvenir Apron they all get to take home, link above. Like a customized kippah for a Bar Mitzvah.

Somebody should start a business, a website. The Challah Lady could be put up in the family for two nights if she lives far away. She would know the whole spiel, have the moves down pat.

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 1:09 pm

It's ok if three of the other girls also had Challah Parties. This one will have it's own family flavor, and, it's unique for this particular girl, it's her life milestone. And, there are a thousand ways to make bread, including no-knead kinds. The bread doesn't have to be exactly the same as the other girls'.

Blank plain aprons are available cheaply, and each girl could personalize her own, to take home, with laundry markers.

israelimom

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 4:04 pm

Raisin said: The toichen at a bas mitzva should come before, in the preparation for the day. There is nothing wrong with having fun, and no one should feel guilty if that is all they are able to arrange a creative mitzva drive type thing.

I say: A lovely concept; halevai that the meal for both a Bar and Bat Mitzvah child could mark a siyum/sikum of something meaningful learned in preparation for the day. Where do you get the idea that there is something wrong with having a fun party? I'm merely angling for the significance of the event to be marked; this is not a birthday party, but an acknowledgment that the child has reached gil achrayut. When I attended all of my friends' bnot mitzvah celebrations way back when, there was no tochen beyond tatty speaking. I would hope that the day could be appreciated for what it is, rather than an anxious time scurrying to find a cute project to keep the party going.

Last edited by israelimom on Mon, Jan 16 2012, 4:08 pm; edited 1 time in total

manhattanmom

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 4:07 pm

Some kind of chessed project.

You can contact the organization Zichron Chana Baila http://zcb613.org/basm1.htm where they will give you all the supplies you need to make part of a basket that is delivered to a child who is hospitalized. It is NY based but they will ship all the materials to you in the US.
At my sister's bas mitzvah every 2 girls decorated a pillow-case--the white pillow-cases, fabric markers, and stencils were provided. Then my parents had to return all extra material with the completed projects. You can also decorate clip-boards, pajamas (I think) etc.
Will cost you nothing--except maybe shipping if you can't pick the material up.

Fox

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 4:19 pm

Having been on the receiving end of many of these "chessed arts & crafts" that are donated to hospitals, I'm not such a fan of these ideas. Many children's hospitals are literally overwhelmed with donations of these sorts, and frequently they are unable to use the donated items for various reasons (e.g., the wrong kind of pillowcase fabric is prone to harboring bacteria, etc.). Also, storage is a huge issue in many hospitals, and they literally don't have room for this stuff.

One of my most amusing memories was a conversation with a nursing supervisor who literally begged me to take 50 homemade teddy bears off her hands. She'd already given two to each child in the ward as well as their siblings. My DD was about to go home, and the head nurse, in as politically correct a way as she could muster, basically said, "We don't have room to store these. I know Orthodox Jewish families have lots of kids -- could you hand them out in your neighborhood?"

So I asked my DDs, age 17, 16, and 16, what they remembered enjoying the most. Interestingly, they didn't care too much for the arts & crafts. It's hard to find something that hasn't been done to death already at camp or at other parties. The bas mitzvahs they remembered included square dancing; a small portable zoo; and "nothing -- just good food, a few speeches, and getting to hang out."

gumby

Mon, Jan 16 2012, 4:40 pm

I second the Zichron Chana Baila idea. I volunteered there when I was younger and the girls love the fact that they can do something fun that is a huge mitzvah. They have some sort of presentation to show the girls the significance of the projects they are making. The organization is very meticulous and you will get everything you need for the decorating. You will save on cost and will teach the girls the importance of doing mitzvos.