terrible behavior: please advise!

Yocheved84

Thu, Apr 19 2012, 9:23 am

What's the one world no school admin wants to hear?
LAWSUIT.

You tell the administrator that you daughter could have been scalded by the hot food. You tell the admin that the plate could have broken her nose or hit her eye. Then, as others have already said, you bring up the lawsuits at other schools re: "hate speech" and bullying.

Let them know that they are harboring an unsafe environment.

And if she doesn't know which group of girls did this, well guess what? Today, the principal needs to make a speech at lunchtime and you should suggest that the girls all get cheese sandwiches today...if one person acts badly, the entire class will be punished. I think a couple days of cold sandwiches over a hot lunch will get some attitudes adjusted. In addition, you should tell the administrator that you will proceed with legal proceedings if she doesn't do something (another idea...have a discussion about bullying in class).

While a lawsuit would be difficult (how does one prove damages immediately after the incident, and thank G-d your DD wasn't injured), threatening--or at least explaining the implications had this incident gone differently--may be enough to get her moving.

Oh! And how much was the dry cleaning bill for DD's BRAND-NEW skirt? I would expect the school to pay it.

OP, I understand your hesitation to be confrontational. But you're not...you're simply being an advocate for your precious gift of a child.

Thu, Apr 19 2012, 10:56 am

Raizle wrote:

The more I think about it the more likely I think it would have been an accident over a deliberate act. I mean you'd have to be extra extra immature to throw a plate of food at someone at that age.
boys maybe, but girls? I just can't see it.

Food doesn't come flying across the table into another person's hair by being dropped by accident.

Extra-immature girls? Perhaps. Poorly disciplined? Certainly. Girls can be just as awful as boys.

Barbara

Thu, Apr 19 2012, 11:23 am

marina wrote:

public schools are currently experiencing an onslaught of lawsuits from bullying victims.

Many of the relevant laws apply only to public schools but in very outrageous cases, some claims, I imagine, can also be made against private schools. I'm not saying that's the way to go OP- in fact, I am not giving you any legal advice one way or the other.

I'm just saying that bullying is a very serious legal issue that all schools need to be aware of and it seems glib for an administrator to just say that she'll look into it.

Why?

I'm willing to assume that OP's daughter's recitation of facts is completely accurate. But a school administrator should never make such an assumption. She must talk to the kids involved, and to others who were there, in order to evaluate what happened.

What if a girl really did slip, and her plate went flying. I can't see a reason for discipline.

What if OP's DD thought it would be pretty funny to drop something in the other girl's food on her way to her own seat, and the girl retaliated. Discipline, yes, for both girls.

When DS was little, we received a call about him being a terrible bully, and putting gum in a boy's hair. Turns out that every day, as DS got on the bus, the other boy called him stupid, and told him that he had no friends and was bad at basketball. (To the other boy's credit, when we reported this to them, they disciplined their child as well. Many years later, the boys are good friends, and regularly play basketball together.)

The school needs to hear ALL sides.

Yocheved84

Thu, Apr 19 2012, 11:25 am

amother wrote:

Yocheved84 wrote:

What's the one world no school admin wants to hear?
LAWSUIT.

If you use this word, you have to be prepared to find yourself without a school this year, next year, and for all your other children.

Fair enough. But OP should at least bring up the safety risks here. Thank G-d her child wasn't injured by the thrown food plate.

marina

Thu, Apr 19 2012, 1:32 pm

Barbara wrote:

marina wrote:

Of course. But it seemed from OP's recitation that this was an off-the-cuff remark. Kind of like, yes, yes, I will certainly look into it when I have a chance. If OP was told that a thorough investigation would ensue, I completely misinterpreted her comment.

CherryBerry

Thu, Apr 19 2012, 2:02 pm

I would keep her home until the principal can assure you that this type of behaviour is not tolerated, that some disciplinary action has been taken, and makes some kind of promise that this will never happen again.
sending her back is basically showing the principal that your dd can be a korbon, and can sit back and let everything else take importance over her needs.
tell the principal you are waiting to hear back from her. let her stay home, let the principal call you wondering why she isnt coming to school. make it very clear that you are waiting for the reassurance that your dd will be safe, and that you will not tolerate such bullying.

what the principal said, I'll look into it, is just code for lets see if I can get away with doing nothing, or if the parents will pressure me into doing something.