How to make tichels look professional?

MimiMommy

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 2:12 pm

roch84 wrote:

MimiMommy wrote:

To those saying it cannot be done -
Yes, people are judgmental but if somebody is good at what she does, and covers her hair in a dignified way, I think she will not have problems getting hired.
My sister only wears tichels (not even hats) and got a job working at the front desk of a big real estate company. She was the first person people saw when they walked in the building. This was in a city with only a tiny Jewish community, In the USA. I don't wear sheitels and I don't plan to compromise my beliefs for the sake of a paycheck.

With aldo respect to your sister's position, I would be curious to know if the company she works at would be as comfortable with a tichel-covering woman closing million dollar deals.

I, too, hope that you never have to compromise your beliefs for the sake of a paycheck. But for many of us, wearing a sheitel is not a compromise, but is rather part of the job uniform for working in an environment that allows us to bring home an income to feed our families.

Wait, you close million dollar deals?
If you do, were you doing that as soon as you got the job? Or did they only allow you to do so once you proved yourself. Do you think they promoted you because of your wig? I'm not judging you, just saying you shouldn't say it's impossible.
Hats are a nice alternative to tichels.

m75

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 2:28 pm

I am a PT and at my first clinical rotation after I got married I initially wore hats but at the time they were too big, sometimes blocked my field of vision and definitely "got in the way". I felt like they created a barrier between the patient and me. I started to wear a sheitel to work after a few weeks. Later working in public schools I wore sheitels mostly because I didn't want the students to ask too many questions, I lived various locations where lots of the students were Jewish but were from non-frum families. At one point I worked in a school where the students were very impaired and wouldn't notice what was or wasn't on my head (or if they did notice couldn't ask questions about it) and at some point another staff member said that some of the other therapists they had there used to where snoods instead of sheitels. So out came my snoods. They were definitely more comfortable in the hot summer.

I think that as a therapist the OP can definitely get away with wearing tichels or snoods or hats as long as they don't block her field of vision and don't seem to create a barrier between her and the patients. Sometimes the patients might ask about it but that can possibly become an opening to a connection with a patient. In some of the schools that I had worked staff sometimes figured out I was wearing a sheitel, particularly African-American women and they felt more connected to me b/c of it (which as someone who was in each school for only a short time each week was very helpful).

Runner18

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 3:13 pm

MimiMommy wrote:

roch84 wrote:

MimiMommy wrote:

I'm a little confused.....When did I say that it's "impossible"?

BrachaC

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 3:16 pm

My rule of thumb is that you always want to dress just a little bit less formal/stylish etc then your supevisor- obviously this only works if your supervisor is a woman.

You never want to upstage your supervisor, nor do you want to be in a competition for style points.

The therapies do fall into that somewhat more creative type of field. It depends on the environment. I find that you really have to be comfortable in your head covering if it's not a shaitel or that lack of confidence will show. Would a pony shaitel be the right compromise for OP? They don't require as much maintanence and are less expensive...more comfortable...

JollyMommy

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 6:15 pm

If I were you I would go for a black beret like the one in the ad from milineryshop.net, or even plainer than that.

My father once asked his frum employee to wear sheitels and not hats after a few weeks on the job. She agreed and it wasn't an issue (she used to switch off between both), he felt it didn't look professional. I think it really depends on the type of hat (she used to wear very colorful big ones) more than the fact that it doesn't look like hair.

seeker

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 6:57 pm

Personally I think it would look a little funny-ish to wear a hat every single day in any field. Most people consider them a fashion accessory, whereas a scarf would look more like a religious garment (which it is) and after you get used to it just kind of blends with the person's head (assuming they're not wearing a different jazzy pattern every day)

I'm with the camp that says for an OT or PT a tichel is just about always acceptable without limitations. That kind of job it's accepted that you need to be able to move comfortably. I don't know any PT's who would work even without a ponytail (disclosure: I don't know very many PT's altogether, but the ones I do know aren't head-coverers and wear either short short styles or tied back in ways that would be considered casual in other fields)

I also see room to argue that it would be a lot harder to pull it off in other professions. Can probably be done with a great deal of finesse plus hashgacha (in working with accepting people, etc) but with more difficulty.

Anyone want to weigh in on where in that spectrum teaching falls? In non-Jewish schools, public or private. From what I've seen the general dress among elementary-middle school teachers is business casual, does that mean yes tichels? Jr high and high school seems to vary more in how formally teachers dress, does that leave tichels in, out, or case out the school before you interview?

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 7:24 pm

Simple, close-to-the head hats such as plain berets or certain styles from Parkhurst are ok in business-casual situations; I'm not sure about corporate. Many big companies in certain industries don't follow the suit-and-heels uniform, but some industries are more formal.

A plain tichel tied into a bun looks messy and awful on everyone. Pretieds, too. Sorry if the truth hurts.

An oblong tichel wrapped over the head and tied into a crown or turban is classy, elegant and puts very little pressure on the ears. This would be my choice for wearing a scarf in the workplace.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 7:26 pm

cm wrote:

I think you need to meet more people who look good in these. sorry you're surrounded by messy, awful-looking women. Smile

I am of the opinion that sheitels with side bangs look wiggy on everyone. I guess we all have our personal preferences.

bbmom

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 8:08 pm

First of all, as OP said, she is not in corporate America. She can definitely look diginified and professional wearing a headscarf to work, however she has to be very comfortable with the statement she is making.

That said, I believe very strongly that any kind of blanket statement about corporate America just doesn't fly these days. It really depends on many factors including (but not limited to) what type of profession you're in, what type of company you work for, what type of work they do, what the company dress code is and how your boss feels about you covering your hair in that manner.

My father has worked in high powered corporate America for his entire career- close to 50 years. He has done so, from the very first day, wearing a yarmulka and a full beard. He has closed more million dollar deals then probably anyone on Imamother. His beard is rolled up neatly and tightly, his hair is always kept at a neat trim and his yarmulka is smaller then what he wears at home and sits flat on his head. He has davened mincha in his office hundreds of times and had been walked in on in the middle of shemone esreh more than he can count. He is well respected in his field because he is good at what he does. All of his colleagues know that he is strong in his beliefs and that he will not compromise for the sake of his job. They like that about him.

So, can a women "make it" in corporate America wearing a tichel? I wouldn't say it's impossible. Let's not underestimate the challenges that women in general face in the workforce. Adding a tichel to the mix may just add to that list, but just as women have overcome those challenges and risen in their positions, adding one more really should not be a deterrent.

Disclaimer- I actually don't wear tichels to work because my minhag is not to leave my house ever without a sheitel. This includes trips to the grocery store or even the gas station. That does not mean that I cannot respect the choices and minhagim other frum women hold by.

wife2

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 8:45 pm

I think a very important factor is the confidence ability, the ability to pull off looking put together and being different than everyone else. if you feel good about how you look even if you are the only one wearing hats/tichel, that makes a big difference. if you look like a shlump, or are not comfortable in how you appear to others, it will show and make you stand out.

seeker

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 9:24 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

cm wrote:

I think you need to meet more people who look good in these. sorry you're surrounded by messy, awful-looking women. Smile

I am of the opinion that sheitels with side bangs look wiggy on everyone. I guess we all have our personal preferences.

I personally feel that MOST people look kind of shlumpy in a basic pretieds, but a neatly done bun-type tie I didn't think looked bad. Not as pretty as the other ties that I can't seem to get the hang of (which therefore look messy on me. I think I need personal hands-on lessons, any offers?) but anyway I like to think people aren't looking at me as messy and awful when I wear a regular bun-tied tichel. I work in an environment that's accepting of it, so the only outside experiences I've had are when I'm the customer/client/applicant/whatever somewhere else, but I've always been treated with dignity and respect while wearing a tichel and nobody ever said anything or acted weird because of it. In the U.S. I live in a very diverse city, though; I could see it being more of an issue in certain "OOT" areas.

melalyse

Thu, Jan 10 2013, 9:28 pm

wife2 wrote:

THIS

Since when is working in corporate America more important than doing what you believe in. One thing that really drives me crazy is when Women not only need to wear a Sheitel that looks just like real hair, But also Chas V'Shalom anybody should not that it is a wig. I thought that we are frum woman doing what we are supposed to do and representing ourselves in the best possible way in our professions. If I work somewhere and they are not happy with things that have to do with my religion, it is not the place for me. I happen to wear a sheitel on Shabbos, but I would feel absolutely uncomfortable wearing it during the week and working with it. Believe me, my confidence is so much stronger when I am wearing something that is is put together and comfortable than wearing a sheitel. And I believe that this is what is important when someone walks into a working environment.

relish

Fri, Jan 11 2013, 9:50 am

amother wrote:

OP here. Isramom, do you know if the tight tichel with the built-in bump can be bought online?

Shoeboxgirly, your look sounds very put together and beautiful!

Has anyone bought the Kaly from Judith de Paris? Did it work for you? I really like that look but it's hard to picture them on my face. The models are all slim and beautiful and I'm a bit on the plump side.

I agree that it might be hard to wear a tichel in corporate America. That's not my work environment though. As I said in my original post, I'm going to be an OT. I'll be working one on one with people in a therapy environment. The dress code will be smart casual. I think a nice tichel would look good.

I totally think it can be done. Just one thing...prepare yourself for a lot of questions from your coworkers and clients. Haztlacha!

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Jan 12 2013, 1:56 pm

This thread has been very interesting for me to read. I live in Israel, so there is no problem with me wearing hats/barrettes or tichels. I dont own a wig. I dont plan to ever own a wig. Even if I were to live outside of israel, I would never plan on owning a wig.
I am sure that there are women out there that have jobs (of all kinds) who wear hats/tichels and it is all fine.

Not all frum women will wear wigs, not even if they are in very noticeable jobs. Its the principle of the matter. It would be for me.

Isramom8

Sat, Jan 12 2013, 2:45 pm

"I thought that we are frum woman doing what we are supposed to do and representing ourselves in the best possible way in our professions. If I work somewhere and they are not happy with things that have to do with my religion, it is not the place for me."

I was thinking about this topic on Shabbos. And I think that we really deserve and owe it to ourselves to keep our priorities straight. If we are working, then we're doing that as part of our avodas Hashem. If a certain job or career choice involves compromising our standards, maybe it's not the best choice for us.

Life can't always conform to our ideals. A frum woman might find her job threatened if she doesn't agree to wear a head covering that isn't obvious. But I think that we shouldn't rush to feel that we have to conform. Greater confidence might enable a frum woman to make unusual choices and be accepted and respected for them.

I don't go around telling women not to wear sheitels. If a woman doesn't though, I'd encourage her not to conform immediately due to perceived pressure.

amother

Sat, Jan 12 2013, 7:33 pm

morah wrote:

To those saying it can't be done, clearly you are ashkenaz and have a choice. I do not have a choice, my husband is sefardi and his family rav says absolutely no sheital, full stop. Our rav is not sefardi, but I asked about it, and he said if this is my husband's minhag, I have to follow it. When you have no choice because you have to follow your psak, then you find a way to make it work. I currently work in a Jewish environment and can wear what I want on my head, but I have worked in secular environments and its not a problem if you dont draw attention to it. Understated, muted colors, no tails or fringes, secure so you're not fixing it all day, and nobody will blink. You may get asked about it from time to time, but its no different from being asked about why you don't eat BLT.

I thought it was the wife's minhag that is followed on headcoverings.

amother

Sat, Jan 12 2013, 7:33 pm

morah wrote:

I thought it was the wife's minhag that is followed on headcoverings.