how long after due date should siblings wedding be?

a1mom

Mon, May 06 2013, 10:13 pm

the priority of people at the wedding is as follows
Chassan and Kallah
Mesader Kiddushin
parents
siblings

while it is annoying to be immediately post partum bear in mind that you B'H, are already married ( I would assume seeing as your on this site and having a baby, If that is not the case for some reason I apologize, no harm meant Smile

If you fall into the first three categories then you must be accommodated, even though technically speaking category one is the only one that is non negotiable.

Anything after that is nice, considerate, but totally voluntary.

In a dream world with no shidduch crisis/money problems/shortage of wedding halls/infertility you would be accommodated but life doesn't work that way.

B"h your sibling is getting married, and B'H you are having a baby. I hope you get to enjoy both simcha's.

And hatzlacha it will not be easy but I wish you all the best.

mommyhood

Mon, May 06 2013, 10:17 pm

Assuming it's a local wedding I think 3 weeks after your due date is very reasonable. Unless you have serious complications post-partum there's no reason you can't be there. I don't think it's fair to ask for more time.
I know someone who recently made a bris on the morning of her sister's wedding. Everyone came to the bris and then everyone went to get ready for the wedding. It's not a stress free situation but b'H for many simchos.

cs1

Tue, May 07 2013, 12:15 am

My sil's wedding was scheduled 4 days before my due date.
I did not tell others my real date for various reasons. (I usually tell ppl that im due 2 weeks past my real date as I cant stand the whole world being on my back...)
In any case, I didnt tell sil, as she had so many things to accomodate. It is HER wedding and she has to do what best for her. If I cant be there...well too bad on me. I had a big feeling I wouldnt be therre...
In the end, she broke off her engagement...and I went into labor the night of her supposed wedding.lol
My point, is that its not fair to the wedding party - her plans come first. If she has to take every persons schedule into account, then she would probably still be deciding on her date..

amother

Tue, May 07 2013, 2:17 am

Had a funny story happen to me. Now we all laugh about it.
My brothers kallah booked the wedding for 9 months after they got engaged. My mom asked everybody if it was ok with them. I was expecting my period but did not get it. Wedding date was booked for beginning of January. I find out I am pregnant and due at the very end of December. Called my mom right away. She called the kallah and just told her the situation. Kallah was really nice and agreed to move the wedding earlier than planned to mid November. She was so happy since she says she does not know what she was thinking by booking a 9 month engagement. Everybody was happy. Wedding was earlier and everybody would be there. Rented a maternity gown. And then, 10 days before the wedding, 34 weeks into the pregnancy my water broke. My baby was 10 days old. Still in the NICU when I attended my bros wedding. To this day my sister in law says that my daughter is her favorite niece.
Just want to say that in no way did I expect the wedding date to change for me. But it was the most amazing thing that it was. I was so happy the entire pregnancy that I would be able to attend my brothers wedding. I just never knew how it would happen.

shabri

Tue, May 07 2013, 2:29 am

My sister gave birth 2.5 weeks before my wedding. I think she was a few days early but was due 2 weeks before the wedding. There were other considerations for us beyond my siblings' due dates most importantly that we were moving to Israel right after the wedding and wanted to be there for the start of the zman. My sister didnt consult me before she got pregnant and I didn't really consult her when planning the wedding. On the other hand, I while I very much wanted her there, if she couldn't make it because of childbirth or being post partum I would have understood. Everyone needs to do what works for them. If you are truley close, people understand its not against you.

I will tell you that my sister who did come, made sure to have a 2 piece gown made which was easy for nursing. Se had a beautiful skirt and a wrap around top that snapped so that she was able to nurse the baby without undressing. Something to keep in mind if you do go.

ima m

Tue, May 07 2013, 4:53 am

we pushed our wedding off for 2 months because my sister was getting married and then my sil having a baby. both parents wanted to accommodate all there children when making our wedding. 4 years later we are still happily married and those 2 months were not such a big deal and long forgotten. it depends on the priorities of your families and the couple, and how close you are with your siblings. My siblings are my best friends and we always try to accommodate and help each other when we can.

catonmylap

Tue, May 07 2013, 5:15 am

Quote:

Posted: Yesterday at 10:13 pm Post subject: re: how long after due date should siblings wedding be?

the priority of people at the wedding is as follows
Chassan and Kallah
Mesader Kiddushin
parents
siblings

you can find a different mesader kiddushin, pretty much any Rabbi can do it, you don't need to accommodate particularly..
'
otherwise I agree...

Raisin

Tue, May 07 2013, 6:42 am

I think there should be some consideration, but obviously if it means postponing the wedding for 6 months or whatever, or it is a big family and several siblings are having babies over a few months, obviously not everyone can be taken into account.

Bh all my siblings were able to attend my wedding, I probably would have been ok with waiting a few weeks if I would have had to.

m in Israel

Tue, May 07 2013, 6:51 am

saw50st8 wrote:

I am surprised at how many people don't seem to care that much if their siblings are at their own weddings.

Actually, almost no one is addressing your comment, as that is not what the OP asked. She did not say "would you push off your wedding to accommodate an expecting sibling?" or "is it important to you to have your siblings at your wedding?" She said, "as a sibling, how much of an accommodation should you expect?" To that question most people are answering that although obviously it would be meaningful for everyone if you are there, if there are other factors that are preventing it, a sibling doesn't have the right to "be makpid" or feel slighted if after all is said and done their needs are not completely accommodated. This is especially so in the OP's case, where the wedding is being scheduled 3 weeks after her due date, so it is not likely we are talking about her giving birth the week of the Chasuna.

saw50st8

Tue, May 07 2013, 7:27 am

m in Israel wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

I am surprised at how many people don't seem to care that much if their siblings are at their own weddings.

I understand all that, and I don't think I siblings have a "right" or anything to demand a wedding at a certain date. I said so up-post.

But a bunch of posters were pretty much saying "Eh if they can't come..." I'm just surprised. Then again, my family is not extremely large.

My step niece is getting married a week after my due date and really wants me there. I warned her I likely won't be able to be there. I don't expect her to accomodate me because she has 13 biological aunts and uncles and 5 step aunts and uncles.

m in Israel

Tue, May 07 2013, 9:45 am

saw50st8 wrote:

m in Israel wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

I am surprised at how many people don't seem to care that much if their siblings are at their own weddings.

Ok, I see what you mean. I understood those posts as saying that the Chosson and Kallah should just be made aware (nicely), that the repercussions of choosing a date close to the due date may end up being that OP cannot attend the simcha. Meaning that yes, it is ok for them to choose this date (OP's original question), it is also OK for OP to do what she needs to do from her end, if it comes down to it, and not feel guilty.

wiki

Tue, May 07 2013, 10:33 am

When my older brother got married, the kallah's sister was due two weeks later and lived a few states away and therefore couldn't make it to the wedding at all. And this was a set of sisters who were one year apart in age and very close! The kallah cried at a few points in the wedding, on the phone with her sister, that she wasn't there.

At the time I was a teenager and I just thought that having an engagement longer than three months is assur mideoraisa or something, so I assumed that this was the most normal thing in the world.

Now, looking back a number of years later, I still can't figure out why the kallah and her sister both were so willing to schedule the wedding at a time when they couldn't share the simcha together. I'm really surprised that the interests of keeping the engagement short trumped the family togetherness aspect (and it's not like this was a time of year when the next month was unavailable due to sefira or chagim or something).

So, in response to Saw50st8, I'm also surprised by people who don't seem to care much if their siblings can make it to the wedding, but apparently there are plenty of such people out there. And they're entitled to what they do. Smile

Barbara

Tue, May 07 2013, 11:14 am

notshanarishona wrote:

It's not that people don't wish they could attend but with so many factors going into planning a date there are only so many people you can accommodate. Many people have 5+ married siblings and it's almost understood as part of a big family that each sibling won't make it to each wedding. It stinks but that's life.

Right.

In this thread, the OP's sibling's wedding was planned 3 weeks after her due date, and the OP was asking if that's enough, because she is often late. So, presumably, the OP would like the month or so after her due date to be blocked out. Plus a couple of weeks before, just in case. And if its a wedding away from where the pregnant sibling lives?

It not that people should ignore these things. Its just that there comes a point where you throw up your hands and say "this has to be good enough," and hope for the best.

As an aside, my brother is a doctor. We planned our wedding with his call schedule for an entire year in mind. Then, in the end, someone got sick, and he was on call for our wedding. As I said, you do your best.

mandksima

Tue, May 07 2013, 11:25 am

I think siblings should be taken into consideration but that is it. No ones knows who will become sick C"VS and not be able to come anyway or be pregnant on bedrest or give birth early, on time or late. The kallah has a lot of considerations all around when planning the date and unless there are very few siblings, they really all can't be part of planning an exact date. If she is flexible, then fine but if not, no reason to be insulted. Of course, she would want her family there but there is only so much flexibility and no one knows every consideration she must think about. I personally didn't have a problem with planning and no one was due then but I would have been upset if someone took the date personally as if I didn't care.

busydev

Tue, May 07 2013, 12:38 pm

While accommodations should be made if possible, everyone has to be understanding. In large frum families it would not be unheard of for there to be a sister or sister in law due every 3 weeks from early november till january. so a couple should push off their wedding a few months more just because they cannot accommodate everyone? there comes a point that you say enough and just to the best you can.

yes I would want to have all my siblings and sibling in laws at my wedding- but sometimes its just not possible to get them all. (b"h for me it wasnt an issue- but if both dh and I had been the youngest of a larger family it easily could have been. )

bnm

Tue, May 07 2013, 12:43 pm

I had a 8 month engagement. my sil gave birth the day before my wedding. 'but I was 3 days early' if she would have told her mother she is pregnant then we would have tried to work around it.

siblings due dates I would take into account, aunts and uncles probably not, that would be taking another 20 families schedules into account. we just make sure not to book weddings the same week.