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Forum -> Household Management

We cannot manage shopping for food

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carpediem

Tue, May 07 2013, 3:43 pm

Oh and maybe you can let us know what general area you live in? Perhaps an imamother in your town with a car wouldn't mind helping you out

Raisin

Tue, May 07 2013, 3:50 pm

You live in a food desert. 6 miles is a long way to go for a supermarket. I have about 10 decent supermarkets within a mile or two. (only one sells kosher food though)

Still, its tough without a car. I have a couple of friends without cars and they take buses, or walk to the supermarket. One has a bike. And they order online as well. The bus service in my town has online schedules/smartphone apps so you can plan your trip accordingly to eliminate waiting.

self-actualization

Tue, May 07 2013, 4:05 pm

"They buy useless and/or overpriced things."

And you are being very controlling! All husbands buy useless and overpriced things - just let it be a cost of doing business. How many times has my husband come home with Cheetos and Entenmans instead of anything healthy. But he's happy ... and I got the things that I needed on my list (milk, etc).

Honestly, you need to read the book "The Surrendered Wife" by Laura Doyle. Hashem doesn't want you to shoulder the whole burden yourself - meal planning, budgeting, shopping, cooking. It's time to let go! And disregard the grumbling - when they are hungry enough they will all figure something out. My picky 6 year old ate a whole box of corn flake crumbs on Friday because he was too picky to eat anything else and was hungry ...

freidasima

Tue, May 07 2013, 4:21 pm

The surrendered wife? I hope you are kidding.
Op just stop. Bread and spread for every meal, if they don't like it they can go hungry.
How old are your kids? Can you get them to get their act together? Are you working outside the house? How many kids do you have? Give us information so that we can help you put together plan for your problem.

amother

Tue, May 07 2013, 4:22 pm

The 6 miles was the trek back and forth. I can go closer and then everything will be expensive. Although that's fine for an emergency it is not fine every day or filling the cupboards.

I'm not controlling. I'm practical.

Yes my children are older, but nobody cooperates.

Thanks for letting me vent.

causemommysaid

Tue, May 07 2013, 4:28 pm

honestly if your kids are teenagers then I don't think you are responsible anymore.

let them get hungry enough and then they will go shopping.

any kid over the age of 12 maybe 13 can do grocery shopping and/or cook something simple.

as long as you provide the funds to get the food let it be their problem.

eventually they will learn to help you out and then you can start cooking/shopping again.

self-actualization

Tue, May 07 2013, 4:29 pm

friedasima - I wasn't kidding. It's an amazing book that changed my life. The basic premise is that you have to take care of yourself, physically and emotionally, and empower the members of your household (specifically your husband) to be able to take care of the other things.

For example, when I first got married, my husband used the fleishig colander to strain the dairy pasta, and after that I never let him cook. So we were stuck relying on takeout when I was on bed rest or had a baby. I needed to teach myself to trust him. It was a process, but now he's a whiz on the barbecue and regularly makes meals for the household. I thought that the problem was with him, but it wasn't, it was with me.

That's just one example. Many couples go through this when it comes to the finances. The wife thinks that she's the only smart and responsible party in the marriage. So she shoulders the whole burden herself, thinking that if she gives it over to her husband, the mortgage won't get paid and the electricity will get turned off (chas veshalom). Laura Doyle's suggestion is - give your husband a chance to do things, without criticizing him, and you might be pleasantly surprised (or at the very least you will be a lot more relaxed because the burden will no longer fall on you). She also says that men relish taking care of their wives, so husbands are generally happy with the new arrangement. It really, really, really worked for me.

spring13

Tue, May 07 2013, 5:00 pm

Buy nonperishables on Amazon. If there are items you use up regularly, you can put them on Subscribe and Save and get a better price: if you have 5 items arriving via Subscribe and Save per month, the discount is even better. There are often coupons and deals on food items as well.

You can do this with things like cereal, snacks, baking supplies, cleaning supplies, toilet paper. Produce and meat/fish/dairy will still need to be bought from the store, but this will save a bunch of the shlepping.

wtr

Tue, May 07 2013, 10:54 pm

I don't know if this will help, but many girl's high school have programs to help out families. The girls get credit, and moms get extra pairs of hands to help out. A lot of older girls drive, so maybe they can help with the shopping too.

Mrs Bissli

Thu, May 09 2013, 9:23 pm

Hang on a sec, OP.

6 miles to the supermarket, and I assume you've got DH or older children?
That's a perfect distance for you or members of your family to get on a bike.
As for not following shopping instructions--do they have mobile phones? DH has been known for making many clueless calls from the store. (As in "Life from the Aisle--what does parsnip look like?")

Otherwise, get a friend to give you a lift. Surely your friends do need to do grocery shoppings too?

amother

Thu, May 09 2013, 9:33 pm

Tried all day to borrow a car. To get a ride. Nothing doing.

The problem is major shopping means a lot more than picking up a thing or 5 in the neighborhood.

strawberry cola

Thu, May 09 2013, 9:40 pm

How about calling in your order and having it delivered? It may end up costing a little more, but it's worth it in the long run- time, energy, and less stress are very valuable. I also think you might end up saving money this way, because you order from a list and don't purchase impulse items.
We do this all the time.

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