Comments on Ongoing Story!

Imhappy!

Mon, Jul 15 2013, 12:13 pm

june, peanutsmom and agreer thanKS!
My life in a nutshell.... I wish I knew how normal these feelings are..back then when I was so hurt and alone...
I have no concentration to write now. but one day...

seeker

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 1:56 am

Sorry to butt in with mussar, but I just want to remind everyone of the age old writers' creed "Show, don't tell." I think a lot of the recent posts could have been much stronger. I did come up with some ideas of my own but haven't had time to sit down and write, so I thought I'd suggest this to the rest of you so I can enjoy reading more instead Wink

amother

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 2:19 am

seeker wrote:

I think everyone with "constructive criticism" should think... have I written recently?

I've been waiting and waiting for the story to continue. Since no one did, I gave it a try.

I'm sorry my writing skills aren't up to snuff.

I thought the line in bold was actually quite rude.

I do not mean to offend you, seeker, but you are not the only one who's commented along these sort of lines. We are not professional writers. Grammar should be good and standard, but it doesn't have to be perfect. Yes, ideally we should "show"...but if we can't, at least we are trying!

To the writers who have been "telling"...thank you! I love that the story is starting to chug along!

seeker

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 2:27 am

Goodness, chill out. I was trying to help and my comment was not directed at anyone in particular. I have participated in the writing, too, just not over the last couple of days. And the little winky-face there is meant to indicate a lighter tone in case it wasn't clear.

I was also going to say something about using paragraphs but maybe I should just let everyone's writing skills go to seed instead of taking chances with anyone's self esteem.

We're all friends here, let's go on enjoying the ride.

June

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 3:16 am

great posts, everyone!

I agree with seeker that we should try to make paragraphs... it's hard to read a longer post when it's one big block of text. (this goes for the entire board, not just the story) I also think it's important to start a new paragraph when someone is speaking. It just makes things clearer.

thanks, again everyone, for adding to the story.

peanutsmom

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 11:26 am

I think that the characters are being built up and introduced to-before we start with the MAJOR drama its good to know what they are like.
Roch-I really liked that post abt that jealousy-and her feelings of inadequacy.
Amother-I liked the rose part-really sweet.
Maybe s/o wants to now deal with that phone call Chaya had gotten. I was going to-but not brave enough.

June

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 12:06 pm

re the phone call,
I wasn't sure who the poster meant it to be...
it said chaya, but the appointment they were confirming was for moshe... ariella's husband. chaya's husband was Binyamin.
being that this an ongoing story where everybody adds, whoever continues it can take it either way. (that chaya got the call, or that ariella got the call)
this, btw, is why we shouldn't post anonymously, because we can't go back and fix any mistakes.
don't worry, dear amothers, nobody is judging your writing!

peanutsmom

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 12:40 pm

I was confused reading that post but then reread it that Chaya that got the call for someone name Moshe. Either it can be developed that she happened to have gotten the call that was meant for Ariella's husband, or that the Dr's office was referring to her husband's first name (and his name was Moshe Binyamin) or that it was just a random phone call-but then why would it have been mentioned.
Also totally agree with you June abt posting as amother. Would make things flow better if things could get edited.
I'm sure a lot of us on here are new writers ourseleves-so don't feel uncomfortable.

June

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 6:50 am

for all those who were complaining the story was too slow, I just added something to spice things up.
if you guys think it's too much, I'll totally change it. or whoever adds the next segment can play it down.
have a great Shabbos, everyone!!

seeker

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 10:57 am

That's both the fun and the challenge of writing like this, you might be cooking up an installment but meanwhile other people keep going and the story changes right under your pen... Takes some getting used to but I think it's fun.

agreer

Sun, Jul 21 2013, 8:30 pm

June wrote:

I love the most recent installment! Way to add tension! I can't wait for someone to continue!

June

Wed, Jul 24 2013, 7:03 am

agreer wrote:

June wrote:

I love the most recent installment! Way to add tension! I can't wait for someone to continue!

great installment, agreer! I love how you put in chaya's pov.
can you change one thing, to keep it consistent - the installment before mine described ariella's clothing in great detail... mustard cardigan and shoes, grey pencil skirt, etc. (lol - ariella is SO not my type, but I'm trying to like her anyway)

June

Fri, Aug 02 2013, 10:14 am

does anyone want to continue? remember, everyone can add whatever they want, so if somebody wants to turn the whole thing into a prank call, go ahead.
it's fun writing with all of you, I want to keep it going!

seeker

Tue, Sep 10 2013, 10:20 am

realeez, I like! I was wondering what you had up your sleeve - this is perfect, enough to throw a bit of a wrench in the works, but not so shattering as to upset the whole story that was going on until now. And the timing of MIL arrival - lol.

I still want to get back to Shira but I have a very busy day ahead so maybe tomorrow...