baby alone in house??

morah

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 8:29 am

Forget the awful possibilities. If you go down that road, your husband will just say well what are the odds of xyz happening. Instead, ask him if he is ok with leaving the baby for 20-30 minites (it sounds loke he isn't). Since when is "just five minutes" ever REALLY just five minutes? The grocery store is around the corner, but what if there's a line at checkout? Sure, the DRIVE is five minutes, but there is getting in and out of the car (which takes more than a few seconds with kids in car seats) there's dropping off (and I imagine you don't just drop and run), and even you may not have to worry about a traffic jam, but what if you get stuck behind a garbage truck or blocked by a double parker, all common scenarios? Voila, your five minutes just turned into twenty. And at that point, no one can reasonably argue that that's ok.

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 9:29 am

We had this discussion a while ago. It's really hard to argue with someone about this. For example, would you run out to the car to bring in groceries when your baby is asleep at home? I would. I would also walk my older son out to carpool while the baby is asleep. In theory, chas v'shalom, a car could hit me on the way out, or I could trip and break my leg and be unable to get back in the house, or the carpool driver's car could not start, or there could be an emergency with one of the other kids in the car and I could end up out there for longer. But then again, I could trip on the stairs of my house and break my leg too, and I wouldn't be able to get back to my baby. Should I never go downstairs? I could get into a car crash when the baby is in the car, on a lonely road somewhere, and be unable to take care of him. Chas v'shalom to all of these things...but it's very hard to convince someone that leaving a baby alone for five minutes while you walk two doors down is more likely to happen than these scenarios.

The only argument I think could work could be the story about the fire dept coming over. Or saying someone might call CPS. In other words, the "you might get caught" argument.

If you look at the Similar Topics at the bottom of this post, you'll see that you're not the first to ask this question...and the reason is that although so many people have a gut feeling that it's not safe, it's actually not much more unsafe than many of the things that we do. I'll stay in the playroom with my older kids, playing with them, even though I might not be able to hear the baby upstairs. I just come upstairs every once in a while to check if he's up...but that's no better than saying "I'll be home in a few minutes and check on him then," is it?

I find it funny to judge other people for being unsafe when I do things that theoretically are just as bad, but emotionally "feel" safer.

Time to be intellectually honest, folks. If you ever use a monitor to listen out for your baby, even if it's when you're sleeping at someone else's house, you're relying on the fact that the monitor won't die. It's easy to judge other people, but at least be intellectually honest with yourself.

(Disclaimer: I don't leave my baby alone at home. I would feel extremely guilty doing so.)

IMHopinion

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 10:35 am

My friend went down to her son's morning bus at 10 am. She came upstairs, her lock was jammed.
Ater waiting for a locksmith to come, and until he broke down the whole door (lock was way too stubborn for even the locksmith ), it was 3pm!

She tried going in from a window, from the fire escape, everything was locked. She stood outdoors for 5 whole hours.

She kept repeating, imagine I'd left my sleeping baby upstairs in his crib....

amother

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 10:41 am

What about in the car? When I drive to pick up my toddler from playgroup, I always wonder... does everyone take the baby out of the carseat, go knock on the door, pick up the older child, and then load both of them in the carseat again? Or do you just leave the baby in the car, park in front so you can see the car the whole time, and quickly come back with the toddler (thereby not waking the baby, and reducing hassle of taking baby out and in again)

Mama Bear

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 10:45 am

Today, chaverim would be there in five minutes.

But in truth, check this scene: You have an 8 a.m. bus. Your baby is still asleep from the night. If you take him out of his crib now to take him with you, he will wake up starving, will need a diaper change and need to nurse. (No, you wrent gonna wake him up to nurse him fifteen minutes ago while in the throes of the morning rush, you were happy he was sleeping.) And you need to bundle him up & take him downstairs in the freezing cold. You might wait for the bus for 10 minutes. with a hungry, screaming, frezing baby. While your chasing the toddler up & down the block.

Isnt leaving the happily sleeping baby in his crib for a few minutes - AND YOU TAKE ALONG A MONITOR - a better solution? I don't know!....

I feel for the women who have to do drop off and carpool, when you have a young baby at home whose schedule determines everyone else's schedule. I would not be able to manage it. I cant manage to get out of the house so early, esp with a small baby.

IMHopinion

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 10:50 am

Mama Bear wrote:

Chaverim was there a half hr later, but they couldn't get that lock open.

I don't think leaving baby sleeping when youre outside for a bus is bad, but going off in your car, even for just 10 min, is.

There's normal, and and there's crazy.

mandr

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 11:18 am

While I agree that a baby should never be left alone, I always wonder about this scenario. I live on the second floor and cannot push a carriage down the steps. It needs to be folded before taking it down. Now, the baby can't be in the carriage while it's in the folded state obviously, so where does the baby stay until the carriage is downstairs? So what I do is, I put the baby in the crib, run downstairs with the carriage, then run back up to fetch my baby. Is there a better way to do this?

mandr

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 11:26 am

I know that in apt buildings, people keep their carriages on the landing so they can just bring their baby down and leave. I don't live in a building and people don't keep carriages on the landing so I don't either.

Technically, the baby is alone for under a minute. Is that any worse than if I'm sleeping at night? It would take me longer than a minute to wake up and figure out something was wrong ch'v. I don't watch my baby in my sleep!

anuta

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 11:45 am

mandr wrote:

baby in one arm carriage in the other, folded, going down the stairs?
Or baby in the front carrier, carriage in both hands being taken down?
Or baby in the carseat on the top landing, you bring down the carriage, then bring down the baby? At least the baby is outside the apartment just a flight of steps up...

mandr

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 11:47 am

anuta wrote:

1. Carriage is too heavy.
2. I don't own a baby carrier.
3. Then how do I go back to put the carseat away? This is for a carriage that includes the bassinet, not the click-carseat-on like a snap-n-go.

Fabulous

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 11:48 am

sped wrote:

No. Never. But if it makes you feel better, I know of many husbands who think like yours (mine included). I stopped trying to reason and just made it not negotiable - as in, I know you don't understand, but there is nothing to talk about.

yup! My husband also thinks this way. I just make/made it very clear that it is not something either I or he will ever do. It's important to me, even if he doesn't understand it. ZEHU!

amother

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 11:50 am

IMHopinion wrote:

If you have a problem being locked out of your house call a licensed locksmith and tell them its an emergency. For money they will come in middle of the night.

I once walked out of my private house to put the garbage in the bin right in my driveway. My toddler wanted to come, but I didnt allow him since it was freezing. DS was upset and locked the door. I didnt have the keys on me. DS has OT issues and couldnt turn the lock the other way. A neighbor called chaverim.

I had a newborn in a carriage and my toddler locked in the house. Chaverim couldnt pick my lock. My toddler went to the newborn to rock the carriage. I was yelling. Chaverim finally broke a window (they decided it was cheaper to replace than my garage door) after 45 minutes. I was upset with the entire story. They should have called a licensed locksmith the minute they came. They saw the name of the lock and they told me that they cant pick it. It is a good feeling to know that my house is secure.

My neighbor that called Chaverim found my spare key in her house later that day. It was bashert for me to buy a new window.

I have had (unfortunately) wonderful experiences with Chaverim before and after this story.

hop613

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 12:22 pm

Heyaaa wrote:

amother wrote:

I do it unwillingly. My husband is home only late at nights and early mornings so if he has to get something done outside the house after arriving home he begs me to come along. Some times I manage to say no but other times he begs too much. He just doesn't understand why this is crazy. And that's when all neighbors are asleep

Hire a babysitter or don't leave.

You are an adult, you can decide whether or not to go no matter how much he begs.

Oh how it wouldn't make all of our lives easier if we didn't have to leave the house sometimes with a sleeping baby. I remember when DS2 was born, I had DS1 go to playgroup 2 mornings a week. It almost wasn't worth it because it took so much effort getting out of the house and working around baby's schedule. But never did it occur to me to leave the the baby alone at home. Either way, it may be impossible to convince DH. I would just say, it is illegal and I am not willing to do something that could result in our kids being taken away!!

gp2.0

Thu, Dec 19 2013, 12:26 pm

morah wrote:

This. I think it's fine to leave the house for five minutes as long as you're nearby (taking out garbage, shoveling snow, putting child on and off bus) but driving is never just five minutes and taking a walk (to the grocery store for example, or to drop off a child a few blocks away) is not OK.