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The insanity of cooking suppers for someone who had a baby
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amother




Lilac


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 6:22 pm
When I had my last kid (my 4th), my friends asked if they should arrange meals but I said no. I live in a kollel community and it's a lot to ask someone to make a meal for 5 people.
I told her if anyone offers, I would be happy to get, but I don't like the idea of someone calling people and asking them to cook for me.

In terms of making meals, it's something that I always used to do, but with 4 kids and a full time job, I only send now to very close friends. I do feel that there is pressure to send a main, side, vegetable and/or soup and dessert and that is too much for me.
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dancingqueen




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 6:41 pm
Thankfully dh does get paternity leave, as do many who work in corporate environments. And also BH my community makes meals for pp women which is great.

Separately, some frum communities are very retrograde in their view of men. I personally need dhs help in early pregnancy, and he’s no gourmet cook or cleaner but he can manage. Cvs an emergency or other reason you are unavailable, wouldn’t you want to know dh could take care of your kids?
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SuperWify




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 6:42 pm
mig100 wrote:
well that makes 2 of us!! and ema of 4- agreed completely. shishkabob doesnt seem to see anything wrong with saying no either.

so that makes a total of 4!! -should we start a club? for the "non-supermoms"?


Start a spinoff. Underneath the perfectly dressed kids and fancy MM are some very worn out trying too hard to be superwoman...
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imorethanamother




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:05 pm
Maya wrote:
So you'll have people putting in all that effort and cooking for you because your family is too good to eat frozen meals? Talk about entitled.


Who on earth has this kind of freezer space? I don't.
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amother




Ivory


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:21 pm
I love the contradictions here:

"Making supper for a family is just impossible! I am juggling so much already, how on earth can I make double the food, and package it, and get it over to someone's house in time?"

"Why don't pregnant women just make double the food, package it, and freeze it right away so it stays fresh? I don't get why they need food given to them."

Yes, it is hard to make supper. It is harder when you are pregnant or stressed or postpartum or juggling. Nobody should EXPECT it, but we all appreciate it.

I think we might need an assertiveness training thread, where we can pose situations and posters can practice responding that they are sorry but they can't do it.

Then maybe we can have another thread on learning to fargin others, where we can post things that are going well in our lives and posters can practice giving nice and kind responses.

Finally we can make a superwomen thread, where we can post all of the expectations for a superwoman - I think so far we know she is expected to have 20 children, pristine walls, and meals for 6 months tucked away neatly in her freezer. Oh, and she is NOT on government aid. And when SHE sends a meal for a kimpeturin, it includes a plated salad (china-look compostable disposables, organic vegetables), a glass of champagne, soup, a choice of 3 entrees and 4 sides (whole wheat spaghetti too), and a dessert straight out of Efrat Libfrond. And a personalized baby gift.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:23 pm
amother wrote:
I love the contradictions here:

"Making supper for a family is just impossible! I am juggling so much already, how on earth can I make double the food, and package it, and get it over to someone's house in time?"

"Why don't pregnant women just make double the food, package it, and freeze it right away so it stays fresh? I don't get why they need food given to them."

Yes, it is hard to make supper. It is harder when you are pregnant or stressed or postpartum or juggling. Nobody should EXPECT it, but we all appreciate it.

I think we might need an assertiveness training thread, where we can pose situations and posters can practice responding that they are sorry but they can't do it.

Then maybe we can have another thread on learning to fargin others, where we can post things that are going well in our lives and posters can practice giving nice and kind responses.

Finally we can make a superwomen thread, where we can post all of the expectations for a superwoman - I think so far we know she is expected to have 20 children, pristine walls, and meals for 6 months tucked away neatly in her freezer. Oh, and she is NOT on government aid. And when SHE sends a meal for a kimpeturin, it includes a plated salad (china-look compostable disposables, organic vegetables), a glass of champagne, soup, a choice of 3 entrees and 4 sides (whole wheat spaghetti too), and a dessert straight out of Efrat Libfrond. And a personalized baby gift.

Why are you amother? I laughed out loud!
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Ema of 4




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:41 pm
SuperWify wrote:
Start a spinoff. Underneath the perfectly dressed kids and fancy MM are some very worn out trying too hard to be superwoman...

Well see, there you go. I don’t pretend to be something I’m not. I don’t have perfectly dressed (or perfectly anything, for that matter!!) and my mishloach Manos are cute, not fancy. I don’t even try to be superwoman, cuz I know it’s not possible. I try to do my best. And if I do t do my best today, tomorrow is (hopefully) another day.
I am a firm believer in being YOU, the true you, not trying to keep up appearances, or doing things because others do it.
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flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:54 pm
Let me just say one more thing and then I’ll stay out of this convo.

Many women are struggling in their own ways during the nine long months of pregnancy- nausea, extreme fatigue, sleepless nights, and tons more. Imamother alone has proven how many men fill in during that time. By the time the baby comes they are both done!! Then comes a birth where your body really goes through something painful... and you ask that husband should once again fill in? Where is your compassion? I feel that post birth every woman should be treated like a queen for a bit. When my sister sent me lunch or when a neighbor sent a fresh breakfast it really made me feel good. Being up almost all day and night feeding and caring for a needy newborn along with caring for others at the same time while your body is weaker in the physical and mental state is no easy task.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:01 pm
When you bring a child into the world, both mother and father bear responsibility to the new child as well as any others they created. Sorry if I don't feel bad for a husband who had to chip in and help his wife and older children for 9 months and then is off the hook. The husband owes compassion to his wife,if anything.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:08 pm
amother wrote:
I love the contradictions here:

"Making supper for a family is just impossible! I am juggling so much already, how on earth can I make double the food, and package it, and get it over to someone's house in time?"

"Why don't pregnant women just make double the food, package it, and freeze it right away so it stays fresh? I don't get why they need food given to them."

Yes, it is hard to make supper. It is harder when you are pregnant or stressed or postpartum or juggling. Nobody should EXPECT it, but we all appreciate it.

I think we might need an assertiveness training thread, where we can pose situations and posters can practice responding that they are sorry but they can't do it.

Then maybe we can have another thread on learning to fargin others, where we can post things that are going well in our lives and posters can practice giving nice and kind responses.

Finally we can make a superwomen thread, where we can post all of the expectations for a superwoman - I think so far we know she is expected to have 20 children, pristine walls, and meals for 6 months tucked away neatly in her freezer. Oh, and she is NOT on government aid. And when SHE sends a meal for a kimpeturin, it includes a plated salad (china-look compostable disposables, organic vegetables), a glass of champagne, soup, a choice of 3 entrees and 4 sides (whole wheat spaghetti too), and a dessert straight out of Efrat Libfrond. And a personalized baby gift.


Applause Applause Applause
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amother




Yellow


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:08 pm
amother wrote:
When you bring a child into the world, both mother and father bear responsibility to the new child as well as any others they created. Sorry if I don't feel bad for a husband who had to chip in and help his wife and older children for 9 months and then is off the hook. The husband owes compassion to his wife,if anything.


I feel bad for your husband. You sound like someone that isn’t the most considerate wife. I wonder if you would ever help your married kids or say it’s their kid and they should not rely on anyone for help Can't Believe It
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amother




Blonde


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:15 pm
If you knew my life you would be more compassionate. But I don't ask for a pity party.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:18 pm
Amother blonde.

Why does people making suppers for postpartum people bother you so much? You have a real chip on your shoulder about it.

It's just a nice thing to do.

If it will make you happy I'll make you dinner the next time you have a baby. Lol.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:24 pm
If you used your imagination I'm sure you could think of some reasons why. And you would feel the same if you were living my life. Of that, I have no doubt.

Let me just say, for all the complaints people have in this thread there is a lot they take for granted.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:26 pm
Ruining something that makes lots of other people happy won't make your life any better.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:39 pm
Not sure what you think I'm "ruining" but next time you accuse someone of having a chip maybe think about why. Mean comments like a pp above made (not necessarily you) certainly won't knock it off anyone's shoulder.
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amother




Yellow


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:41 pm
amother wrote:
If you used your imagination I'm sure you could think of some reasons why. And you would feel the same if you were living my life. Of that, I have no doubt.

Let me just say, for all the complaints people have in this thread there is a lot they take for granted.


I feel sad for you that you have a hard life. How can I help you make it a little bit easier? If you have a hard life( again, I feel bad for you) everyone has to have a hard life and work their husband to the bone? Rolling Eyes
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amother




Maroon


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:43 pm
I'm currently in my 9th month and due any day. Any food that I had stocked up in my miniscule freezer is already eaten because at this point I can't stand long enough to cook. My husband knows how to prepare 3 things, so it's ok for a few nights a week, but to have other things once in a while is nice.
At this point we're living on basic food and take out. I look forward to after the baby is born and receiving a few home cooked meals from others.
If you're able to cook extra, great. I've thrown in a few extra cutlets and an extra cup of rice to send to someone who had a baby. If not, don't worry. (someone asked me to cook for a new mother last week and I politely said I can't manage right now).
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 9:18 pm
amother wrote:
I'm currently in my 9th month and due any day. Any food that I had stocked up in my miniscule freezer is already eaten because at this point I can't stand long enough to cook. My husband knows how to prepare 3 things, so it's ok for a few nights a week, but to have other things once in a while is nice.
At this point we're living on basic food and take out. I look forward to after the baby is born and receiving a few home cooked meals from others.
If you're able to cook extra, great. I've thrown in a few extra cutlets and an extra cup of rice to send to someone who had a baby. If not, don't worry. (someone asked me to cook for a new mother last week and I politely said I can't manage right now).


You just have to love the person who asks someone who is due to give birth to do anything 😏
I hope that at least this person graciously took "no" for an answer. Not everyone does.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 9:21 pm
southernbubby wrote:
You just have to love the person who asks someone who is due to give birth to do anything 😏
I hope that at least this person graciously took "no" for an answer. Not everyone does.


I don't think she realized how soon I'm due because I carry small.
She took the no very easily and wished me well etc.
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