Is this ok? | Imamother

amother

Olive

Sat, Jan 02 2016, 10:03 pm

Celebrate his birthday and have fun. A luxury once in a while is a necessity. Every human being needs it.

You need to rob a bank to be able to pay for therapy on your own. Most ppl I know that go for therapy on a weekly basis have family paying for it.

myym

Sat, Jan 02 2016, 10:10 pm

I was in your situation as a single girl (someone paid for therapy) and I am a particularly honest individual. I think it is perfectly fine for you to use extra money on a birthday or anything special at all if you have some extra cash. The person or people paying for your therapy does not think you have not a cent to your name. I am sure they realize that therapy is expensive and not something you can afford on a general basis. They don't want you to take your little extra money and cover one session. Please use the extra money for you and your husband. Bhatzlacha!

amother

Olive

Sat, Jan 02 2016, 10:38 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not quite understanding everyone's responses here,?? It is extremely extremely important to do something special for your husband birthday especially since u just got married and it will be his first birthday that u r together... THIS IS NO EXTRA Go out have fun and enjoy each other

No. It is not extremely extremely extremely important if she wouldn't have money to pay for her bread and butter. nothing will happen if she doesn't get him a gift and just write a card.

Still the reason I did say go for it and enjoy each other's is bc I do understand and this was already discussed with professionals as well. Every person needs to be able to pamper themselves. It is part of our emotional needs. So even when you help out a family with financials you have to add into the budget for extras.

I know there are ppl out there that will say, here we give money for this family and look she bought a new jewelry for yomtov. She uses our money for luxury. We are never allowed to judge ppl with what we see with our eyes. We don't know what is the story behind it.

amother

Cerise

Sat, Jan 02 2016, 11:46 pm

I pay for more than one person to go for therapy.

I would be really upset if someone used the $ I gave earmarked for therapy for something else (which some people on here seemed to think was okay).

It seems OP is not asking about that. I would have absolutely no problem with the scenario that OP described. I pay for a few people to go for therapy because I know they really need it (the therapy) and could/would not go on a consistent basis if I didn't fund it. I do not examine their budget and/or would never begrudge them ever spending on anything.

So I agree with everyone who says go for it.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Jan 03 2016, 12:01 am

Yes go out and get him a gift you said that person pays for therapy this would be from your own money imho there is no shayla to ask does that person care if you buy yourself chocolate or any little treat with your own money?? Just because someone is sponsoring therapy doesn't mean you can't use your money in a normal manner, you don't have to live like a pauper because of this...

Iymnok

Sun, Jan 03 2016, 2:22 am

A different opinion here.
Step out of your comfort zone. Thank the giver and present your dilemma. Each giver is different and has different expectations. The giver also wants to know that what they're giving is giving real benefits to you.
Open communication is always worthwhile IMO.

seeker

Sun, Jan 03 2016, 2:27 am

OP is not asking if she can spend the therapy money on something else. She's not saying "let's skip therapy this week and go out for dinner instead." She is saying that she doesn't know if she should spend HER money on ABC while receiving tzedakah to pay for XYZ. A valid question but not at all the same thing as the other one which would be blatantly wrong.

SRS

Sun, Jan 03 2016, 3:36 am

If every scholarship parent had OP's dilemma we would not have a tuition crisis!
OP, I think if you are using your income for a gift that is in line with your already frugal budget (the extra therapy being funded from these designated funds), that few givers would be upset about a small and modest gift. You should probably ask a shaila for your own perspective and to gain clarity, but if I was giving money for a specific cause and the recipients were carefully budgeting and decided to spend a small amount on a small gift, it would not phase me.

chani8

Sun, Jan 03 2016, 4:03 am

If the charity is specifically for therapy, there is no shailah. You are not being given charity on the premise that you are so poor you cannot buy gifts or go out to eat. You are being given charity so that you can go to therapy. If you spend that money on anything else, then it's a problem.

greenfire

Sun, Jan 03 2016, 10:52 am

The person is giving you money for therapy. Nobody is allowed to delve into your life otherwise to decide whether you can spend other monies on ketchup, a birthday present, or toilet paper.

Don't worry. Be happy.