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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
Was your bat mitzvah not as large as your brothers' bar mitzvahs?
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| Yes it was smaller, and I was happy about it |
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77% |
[ 95 ] |
| Yes it was smaller, and that upset me |
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10% |
[ 13 ] |
| No it was the same, and I was happy about it |
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10% |
[ 13 ] |
| No it was the same, and that upset me |
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[ 1 ] |
| No it was larger, and I deserve that :wink: |
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[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 122 |
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amother
Forestgreen
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 Mon, Apr 23 2018, 9:28 am
I don't think "are you bitter" is the right question.
Did the size of the party, or the expectations of you to receive the party, meaningfully impact who you are today?
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Ruchel
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Mon, Apr 23 2018, 9:35 am
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My parents were European. Lite MO, but European. They say BM is for "reform, or communionish". I had a big bday. I am modern heimish/yeshivish and plan to do a bm to my daughters. I am grateful that her school does it very simple. Some girls don't even have or attend their own kiddush.
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amother
Sapphire
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Mon, Apr 23 2018, 11:52 am
I had a much simpler celebration than my brothers which was totally fine with me as I don't live being the center if attention. I was very upset a year later when my brother received a trip to Israel as a bar mitzvah present from my grandparents and all they had given me was a simple necklace which was not at all to my taste.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately because we're 2 years away from making our first bar/bas mitzvah and it's time for us to start considering what we want to do for our children.
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amother
Violet
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Mon, Apr 23 2018, 3:42 pm
No, of course not. I.have much bigger things to worry about than how I celebrated my 12th birthday.
Whatever we did was pretty typical for my classmates. My only regret was that I had switched schools the year before my bas mitzvah and invited some of my old classmates and some of my new ones, which created some hard feelings. I wish I had invited everyone.
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Beingreal
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Mon, Apr 23 2018, 6:47 pm
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Before my Bas Mitzvah, my grandfather A"h who I was so close to sat me down and told me what bas mitzvahs were like in Poland. There were no parties or fanfare back then. What they did was Hafrashas Challah as their first Mitzvah and got a Siddur. Even though I did have a party what he told me.
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sushilover
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Mon, Apr 23 2018, 7:40 pm
| amother wrote: | No, of course not. I.have much bigger things to worry about than how I celebrated my 12th birthday.
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Glad to hear that!
To be clear, I wanted to know how you felt as a twelve year old and the next few years. Were you upset at the time when compared yourself to your brothers or male relatives?
I asked because I'm baffled by the responses on the other thread which seem to indicate that women feel that the fact that bat mitzvahs are not celebrated as lavishly as bar mitzvahs is clear proof of misogyny in Judaism.
I always thought of misogyny as something terrible. I didn't realize that I should be grateful for the fact that it saved me from having an event like my brothers!
But obviously, I can only speak from my own experiences. I do feel for those women who did feel upset when their bm was an afterthought, or not acknowledged at all.
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sushilover
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Mon, Apr 23 2018, 7:45 pm
| Beingreal wrote: | | Before my Bas Mitzvah, my grandfather A"h who I was so close to sat me down and told me what bas mitzvahs were like in Poland. There were no parties or fanfare back then. What they did was Hafrashas Challah as their first Mitzvah and got a Siddur. Even though I did have a party what he told me. |
Yes!
And in europe, bar mitzvahs were simply the day a boy put on his tefillin for the first time. Most boys celebrated by bringing some schnapps and cookies to shul to indicate that they were a part of the Minyan now.
This is according to my husband's grandfathers and great uncles.
I'm not sure the higher standards we have now are an improvement. I'm certainly not sure that we should now change the standards for girls in the name of equality. ...
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Ruchel
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Tue, Apr 24 2018, 2:33 am
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My grandfather, who was from a wealthy family, got a trip to the rebbe.
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