Good Enough Parenting Tricks

cheeseaddict

Wed, May 02 2018, 3:15 pm

For teeth brushing kids who hate it - this hack worked for me:
We line up in front of the bathroom mirror and all brush our teeth at the same time, making as much toothpaste foam as possible (gross, but it works!).

I yell out instructions like "now the back", "now behind the top teeth!", and it becomes a game.

Zehava

Wed, May 02 2018, 3:35 pm

I agree some of the posts here are outright neglect.

My hack is that about an hour before bedtime I tell my kids that when they’re in pjs and put away the toys and everything else that belongs to them they can watch until bedtime. The faster they do it the longer they can watch. It’s not ideal but it keeps me from getting pressured and yelling at them.

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, May 02 2018, 8:49 pm

amother wrote:

The child is definitely responsible, I agree. And parent should supervise or make sure that that they do their home work or at least show some kind of interest.
Yes, it's the teachers job to teach. However this is a situation where you need teacher, child and parent to be a team.
A parent who tries to get off responsibility of their child's education by saying 'I'm paying tuitution and with that, my responsibility of my child's education ends' is IMO doing a huge mistake.
It's well documented that children from homes where parent's show interest in their child's education and make it a priority are usually succeeding better.
To say that my child needs screen time but I'm not interested in his homework has, IMO, wrong priorities. Screen time is leisure. Home work is duty. IMO, 1st duty - then leisure.

I have students from a home like this, where the parents say homework's between the student and the teacher. Guess what. The kid gets a message from home that hw doesn't matter, and she never does it. Kid's in danger of failing, and doesn't care. School has tried every consequence in the book, but nothing works. Kid at this point wants to improve but has no skills for it. She needs someone to remind her to do it and put it in her bag, but no one is.

amother

Copper

Wed, May 02 2018, 9:01 pm

amother wrote:

I don’t always enforce the milk and meat wait time with my little ones. They need their protein and I’m happy when they ask for normal food.

Are you proud of that?

That doesn't even go into "good enough parent tricks," because there is nothing good about that. Halacha doesn't change according to your whims.

Of course, follow whatever your dayan says in regards to waiting, even if only a small amount of time. But don't choose to just skip over halacha that is inconvenient! Your kids need kashrus, structure and a mother who follows halacha more than they need the protein specifically at THAT MOMENT. I promise.

amother

Wine

Wed, May 02 2018, 9:39 pm

amother wrote:

Can't imagine that! Prefer them sleeping on the couch with TV or movies running, that way if they wake up they can just watch whatever is on til they fall back asleep. I start this around two so they don't get used to sleeping in my bed

Why do you want to train a 2 yr old to watch all night? How do you know what is on in the middle of the night? Don't you check what your kids are watching??

I am getting really disturbed about what people think is good enough parenting. It seems that parents are forgetting that they chose to bring these children into this world and that it comes with responsibilities that may interfere with their "me" time. Skipping a bath here and there, not folding the laundry and serving pizza for dinner is not like leaving a 2 yr old in a tub by themselves and letting a TV or iPad babysit all the time.

seeker

Wed, May 02 2018, 10:08 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe you're the one who needs to learn more halacha. If I'm not mistaken, very young children do not need to wait 6 hours.

Petra

Wed, May 02 2018, 10:19 pm

I am more than happy when my DD asks to listen to a story CD at bedtime instead of me reading a book for bedtime. Most of the time, I'm reading though. Sometimes, I read a book that takes 3 minutes to read (ie it's a board book or beginner reader). Once a year, I might let my kid have ice-cream for breakfast. Breakfast for dinner occurs once a week or so. When my DD goes out the door with "wild" hair that can't be tamed or has picked a mismatched/clashing outfit, it's her day to be "eccentric".

amother

Mint

Wed, May 02 2018, 10:20 pm

amother wrote:

Actually, strict halacha, you only need to wait 1 hour (and that is indeed what Dutch Jews do). 3/5/6 hours are a matter of minhag. Anyone with semicha understands this. While of course minhag is important and you need to be mechanech your kids to keep your family's minhag, the fact that it's minhag means there is quite a bit of wiggle room. A young child does not need to wait 6 hours. A very young child doesn't even need to wait 1- if you make them wait even 15 minutes, they get the message that fleishig meal = waiting period before eating milchigs. Only when a child learns to tell time do you need to start training them to wait accordingly. There is even wiggle room for adults. I know many, many women (some chassiddish or very chareidi) who have gotten heterim to wait less time than their minhag if they are having serious pregnancy cravings. Waiting to eat milchig is probably the least black and white example, because there's a lot of room for flexibility when the situation needs it. I focus a lot more on training my kids not to be mechallel Shabbos. That's a lot more black and white. Like, drawing is drawing, and there's no question you can't do that on Shabbos, therefore I wouldn't allow even a two year to get ahold of a crayon on Shabbos.

amother

Copper

Wed, May 02 2018, 10:37 pm

seeker wrote:

Maybe you're the one who needs to learn more halacha. If I'm not mistaken, very young children do not need to wait 6 hours.

Seeker, do you not know how to read? I said of course everyone needs to check with their dayan for what their children need to hold by. For some, that is an hour, or more, or less. But whatever rule they follow, they need to FOLLOW it. I never said six hours. Learn to read, not just fight.

amother

Copper

Wed, May 02 2018, 10:39 pm

amother wrote:

Mint, thank you for responding in a mentchlicha fashion unlike others... But again, please read. I said specifically that each person has to know what their dayan holds in regards to young children and waiting. But whatever their family holds, they can't just choose to skip it cause the kid wants food.

lucky14

Wed, May 02 2018, 10:46 pm

amother wrote:

I don't think anyone needs to get upset over what amother orchid wrote. I'm 99.9% sure she was not being serious about anything she said. It was written very sarcastically. (the bathtub thing is scary though).

amother

Ecru

Thu, May 03 2018, 12:35 am

amother wrote:

What in the world.
I do the same. No waiting between milk and meat for small children.

amother

Bisque

Thu, May 03 2018, 2:41 am

amother wrote:

This is so so sad and it has enormous consequences. Boy, am I glad I'm not a teacher!

amother

Maroon

Thu, May 03 2018, 3:30 am

amother wrote:

Student is in danger of failing because homework grades are low, or because overall grades are low?

I find it hard to believe that a child is failing a subject (I.e. not mastering it) due solely to not doing homework. A child that can't pass a test without doing homework is probably not being taught properly according to his/her learning style.

As far as needing someone to remind her, if the teacher really cares she can try calling the home a few nights to remind the student, or offering incentives for remembering.

I really doubt the homework is the only issue here.

amother

Maroon

Thu, May 03 2018, 3:38 am

I would like to add one thing to this thread:

Over the years, I noticed many things in other families that I judged negatively. Things they did, things they didn't do. The cluttered shelves in the home, the unbrushed shaitel, the lack of makeup that made them look colorless, the way they spoke to their children, etc.

And years later, I keep finding myself doing those same things. My shelves are also cluttered now. Kids have played with and lost my brush on occasion, and I'm forced to go out with an unbrushed shaitel. I look in the mirror and see that I must have looked very pale today. I speak to my children in ways I regret.

I have reasons, of course, why I do these things. Lack of resources, lack of time, lack of energy, or other priorities.

But just as I truly love my children and want the best for them, other mothers do too. And the bottom line is that the outcome is up to Hashem, and we will be judged by Hashem alone for our effort.

Although we should certainly encourage and help other mothers to provide a more orderly and supportive home for their children, I've learned to think twice before judging them harshly. Would I really do better in their circumstances?

And if I have a justified criticism, am I offering the assistance necessary for them to implement it, or am I freely throwing suggestions off my high horse and snorting with derision that they don't take my brilliant advice?

May we all be blessed with the wisdom to know which shortcuts to take, which areas to prioritize, and overall with the ability to raise healthy, balanced, dedicated, kind Jews.

amother

Pewter

Thu, May 03 2018, 5:36 am

I’m a supermum. My house is spotless, laundry folded, delicious meals, beautifully dressed kids. And I work full time.
But I don’t enjoy playing with my kids. I’m goal driven- I read my kids books too fast.
Last night at dinner the kids had soup, I served the main and was washing up the soup bowls. My daughter asked me to come and talk to her while she eats!!
My very not good enough parenting trick. 😳
But I should prob create a S/O for this topic.