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Help me stop snapping at my spaced-out child!
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amother




Slategray


Post  Wed, May 16 2018, 10:19 am
Wow. I needed to read this.

My 4 (and three quarters, if you ask her) yo is exactly like this.

She is extremely bright and gets very easily distracted. At 3 she was busy with adding and subtracting numbers and is great at problem solving, negotiating (lol) and she gets many concepts I wouldn't expect a 4 and 5 yo to grasp. She's also very tall and looks like a 6 year old..... the absent-minded professor.

It could take a full hour and countless reminders for her to get dressed.
A race helps the most. Salt timers help too.
I got a pack of 6 for $10 off of Amazon. 30 sec, 1 minutes, 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 5 minutes and 10 minutes. She can choose how long she thinks it'll take her to get dressed. It works, 50% of the time, and only with prompts. Also counting while shes dressing herslef helps.
Keeping her room completely tidy is crucial. If there is ONE thing out of place or out on the dresser or rug, it's a complete waste of time to get her to dress herself.
Lately I just dress her and that's it. It's better than snapping at her. She is fully capable of completely dressing herself including buttons on the back!!! And she knows all the tricks about how to get the shirt the right way and the tags in the back and stuff like that..... she forgets to eat while sitting at the table, leaves the table 10 times. Comes home with unfinished school projects cuz "there wasn't enough time".

Poeple also always assume she's the kid who is so easy around the house.
And at other poeples houses she feels pressure to do what is expected and gets dressed in a jiffy.

Adhd runs rampant in my family. Lol. And learning disabilities or rather learning differences. I have dyslexia and adhd traits. (Well, functional dyslexia at this point. Bh! But it wasn't always this way. And I check ans recheck my posts before posting..... lol) And at the same time, brilliance.
Think human encyclopedia, self taught 3 foreign languages and thats other than growing up bilingual.
When my sibling moved overseas, after holding down the same part time job for many years making a high income salary, they had to hire THREE girls in her place.
And this is a ADHD person. It's noticeable working 15 minutes of meeting her.

So my kid had lots of potential.

Raising this kid is one long patience and kindness test.


The BIGGEST THING that has helped me is having a sign on the wall saying.

WHAT IS YOUR END GOAL?
And it reminds me, is end goal is to to get her thru the door? No.
My end goal is to raise a happy healthy productive functional human being. And to do right by her.
Sometimes, missing the bus is a means to get to that ultimate goal.
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crust









  


Post  Wed, May 16 2018, 1:57 pm
Dvom and slategray I love your posts.
OP I have the same type of child.
Although he needs constant reminders, I love him to peices. I appreciate his creativity and juice.
He is also a very sensitive soul. It usually goes hand in hand. He would be crushed if I screamed at him. How does your daughter handle it?
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simcha2









  


Post  Wed, May 16 2018, 2:46 pm
Another possibility is absence seizures. Time may be stopping for your child.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Wed, May 16 2018, 2:59 pm
Haha. I had a good laugh reading your post. You described my daughter to the T. I Try to calm myself by thinking this should be my biggest Problem with her... u need sooooo much patience with them.
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amother




Slategray


Post  Wed, May 16 2018, 5:13 pm
crust wrote:
Dvom and slategray I love your posts.
OP I have the same type of child.
Although he needs constant reminders, I love him to peices. I appreciate his creativity and juice.
He is also a very sensitive soul. It usually goes hand in hand. He would be crushed if I screamed at him. How does your daughter handle it?



This. My kid is a very sensitive soul. Very creative and artistic. We moved to a very quiet suburban area with lots of grass, trees and flowers. She's 'blooming' here. Pun intended. Smile.
And she asks the sweetest, smartest questions.

She's such a yummy kid!

When I ask her what happens when she spaces out, she says "I don't know".....
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amother




Ginger


Post  Wed, May 16 2018, 5:56 pm
get your child evaluated. have a time when things are calm and speak to your dc. assuming its a girl. cause you let the cat out of the bag. sorry, I couldnt help but realize in your post.

please be patient. it helps more then getting annoyed. ask her calmly. as calm as you can possibly be what is it that makes her forget things and is there somethhing you coulod do to help. she might not even realize how annoying this is.

also have a chat with her teachers. is she doing this in school? how does she cope there?

is this a new thing? has she been doing this as long as you can remember? she might have some add. inattentiveness.
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amother




Mauve


Post  Wed, May 16 2018, 6:01 pm
Does anyone on this thread have any good books or other resources on parenting this type of child to recommend?
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amother




Ginger


Post  Wed, May 16 2018, 6:01 pm
amother wrote:
Wow. I needed to read this.

My 4 (and three quarters, if you ask her) yo is exactly like this.

She is extremely bright and gets very easily distracted. At 3 she was busy with adding and subtracting numbers and is great at problem solving, negotiating (lol) and she gets many concepts I wouldn't expect a 4 and 5 yo to grasp. She's also very tall and looks like a 6 year old..... the absent-minded professor.

It could take a full hour and countless reminders for her to get dressed.
A race helps the most. Salt timers help too.
I got a pack of 6 for $10 off of Amazon. 30 sec, 1 minutes, 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 5 minutes and 10 minutes. She can choose how long she thinks it'll take her to get dressed. It works, 50% of the time, and only with prompts. Also counting while shes dressing herslef helps.
Keeping her room completely tidy is crucial. If there is ONE thing out of place or out on the dresser or rug, it's a complete waste of time to get her to dress herself.
Lately I just dress her and that's it. It's better than snapping at her. She is fully capable of completely dressing herself including buttons on the back!!! And she knows all the tricks about how to get the shirt the right way and the tags in the back and stuff like that..... she forgets to eat while sitting at the table, leaves the table 10 times. Comes home with unfinished school projects cuz "there wasn't enough time".

Poeple also always assume she's the kid who is so easy around the house.
And at other poeples houses she feels pressure to do what is expected and gets dressed in a jiffy.

Adhd runs rampant in my family. Lol. And learning disabilities or rather learning differences. I have dyslexia and adhd traits. (Well, functional dyslexia at this point. Bh! But it wasn't always this way. And I check ans recheck my posts before posting..... lol) And at the same time, brilliance.
Think human encyclopedia, self taught 3 foreign languages and thats other than growing up bilingual.
When my sibling moved overseas, after holding down the same part time job for many years making a high income salary, they had to hire THREE girls in her place.
And this is a ADHD person. It's noticeable working 15 minutes of meeting her.

So my kid had lots of potential.

Raising this kid is one long patience and kindness test.


The BIGGEST THING that has helped me is having a sign on the wall saying.

WHAT IS YOUR END GOAL?
And it reminds me, is end goal is to to get her thru the door? No.
My end goal is to raise a happy healthy productive functional human being. And to do right by her.
Sometimes, missing the bus is a means to get to that ultimate goal.



hellllloooo, this is typical add. with some hyperactivity. because she leaves the table 10 times. but seriously you just described add. and its so sad that shes suffering without help. please get her help before it will become a disaster for her in school. as the years pass they get more work and more complicated if shes not coping now she needs help now! time management is classic issues with adhd. they get so focused on something and forget where thye have gone. please I beg you to go help her. she will thank you for her rest of her life.
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amother




Ginger


Post  Wed, May 16 2018, 6:03 pm
and put her on meds asap. she will be more focused and on time. she also needs a therapist to guide her and yourself.
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amother




Khaki


Post  Thu, May 17 2018, 12:35 am
amother wrote:
and put her on meds asap. she will be more focused and on time. she also needs a therapist to guide her and yourself.


I would rather advise to consider meds if recommended by professionals. Since my daughter is ahead of her class academically and is able to make progress in learning executive functioning skills, no one has even suggested meds. We feel that meds will become a mask that will make the teachers happy, but not teach her to function in the long run and may deprive her off the benefits of her ADHD. (Believe it or not, there are upsides. Creativity. Working well in a crisis. Hyper focus. Curiosity. High intelligence etc.) Meds can help a child focus, but not teach time management or organizational skills. Meds may help the child to focus enough to learn the skills if it's too difficult to do without the meds. Meds are also beneficial to a VERY hyperactive kid who is disturbing the class and/or having a negative social impact which doesn't sound like op's child. Op's child sounds like inattentive ADHD with a small amount of hyperactivity/impulse control issues. In such a case, I would first explore what can be accomplished without medication.
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Mommyg8









  


Post  Thu, May 17 2018, 12:57 am
DVOM, crust, and slategray - it seems that I am in good company! I actually have more than one child like that Smile.

I've learned a lot over the years, but the main thing I have learned is - is that this a personality type and there is nothing that the parent can do to change it. So, basically, the best thing to do is to change your attitude. When you know in advance that this will happen, then it's less annoying.

I love DVOM's ideas, as usual, they are really great! Unfortunately, I'm completely missing the creativity gene, but us uncreative types can cope, too! It goes like this - DC please put on pajamas, DC please put on pajamas, dear DC did you put on your pajamas, DC please put on pajamas, and now DC please put on pajamas... Basically, I'm a broken record. I don't say it in an upset way (at least I try not to) as I know that DC just needs the reminders.

A Rebbe (years ago) gave us some guidance that I try to follow (when I have the patience) - he told us to take DC by the hand to where he has to go... so I try to lead DC physically if at all possible. If your child is anything like mine, he will have no idea how he got there...

I know it's challenging. What has helped me - and still helps me - is to think - "this child is challenging" - so there's a validity inside my mind that I'm doing something difficult, so I don't get so upset... At least, that's what works for me.

Another thing that works is to realize that kids grow up. Nothing lasts forever, and they generally do get better as they grow up.

I think of these kids like hothouse flowers. Very delicate, need gentle handling, but can blossom into the most beautiful and rare foliage...
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amother




Wheat


Post  Thu, May 17 2018, 6:39 am
Mommyg8 wrote:
I think of these kids like hothouse flowers. Very delicate, need gentle handling, but can blossom into the most beautiful and rare foliage...


This is such a great analogy! Thanks for sharing!!
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