I am not running a hotel

SYA

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 8:10 am

As for helping with food, if the host doesn’t want you to order take out or chip in for the food, you can help with the food prep, and serving and cleaning up from the meals.

Set the table before the meal. Cut the vegetables for the salads, bring the trays or plates food to the table... there is lots to be done. Ask your host what you can do to help, and show you really mean it.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 8:14 am

amother wrote:

Honest question. If you're visiting family that lives in another state or country, and you're sleeping at their house for, say, a few days or a week, how can you realistically offer to prepare dinner for your host, other than paying for it or ordering from takeout?

Only talking about the food issue. What would you have wished your guests to do?

The mother could have offered to help prep and help do the daily kitchen cleanup. She could have helped serve and clear. She could have offered to take the host family out to a nice dinner. She could have brought in groceries including treats from home that aren't available at the vacation home.

Outside the kitchen, she could have done the laundry and bought laundry supplies. The amount of towels two families use daily means daily washes. She could take the wash to a laundry mat to give the host a break if she didn't want to do it. General cleaning up after their kids also would be a help. Shabbos prep help would be appreciated. One family is busy getting ready for shabbos. One family is relaxing and creating more mess.

Taking care of her own kids is just the proper thing to do. Get up with your baby shabbos morning. Don't throw your baby out of the bedroom and hope someone else will mother your baby. Your baby's cries disturb the whole house.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 8:22 am

amother wrote:

When I stay at my parents or siblings in another state, I always cook dinner for all of them at least some of the time. Sometimes I go shopping for the main ingredients, and sometimes they tell me to use what they have/that they will buy the ingredients.

For breakfast I generally take what they have in the house. For lunch I make a point of either taking my own family out for pizza/bagels, or I buy or make something for everyone who's home.

Never do I stay over at someone and expect to be waited on hand and foot.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 8:46 am

amother wrote:

We stayed at my parents in a different country for a few weeks. I sent my kids to the grocery when I noticed basically like milk and bread were running low. I offered to do some grocery shopping. When I rented a car for a few days, we stocked up on water, seltzer, tissues, detergent.... We never asked my parents to buy anything, we purchased anything the kids wanted, like cereal and snacks.

We ate out dinner almost every night. We also went on an overnight trip, my parents enjoyed the break.

We took my parents out for an outing and lunch before we left.

We honestly didn't help much with cooking for shabbos. My parents enjoyed having us out for the day while they did their own thing. I did all the clean up after the meals and shabbos.

Most importantly, we thanked my parent and we left the house as clean as it was when we came.

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 9:51 am

To the photographer: Perhaps you can tell ppl that you are not taking your photography equipment with you as it is too heavy? But you will be more than happy to snap a few shots on their camera. (Does this solve your problem?)

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 9:52 am

you can decide with dh in advance how you want your summer to look. if someone calls you and you feel put on the spot you can have in mind to say automatically that you have to get back to them.
Don't let anyone guilt you into doing something. If its not right for you and your family at this time then set that boundary and stick to it. Have something ready to say warmly that you are comfortable with the main message is "it won't work for us at this time" no excuses just keep repeating clearly and as warmly as the situation and person warrants.

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 9:59 am

amother wrote:

It doesn't. I own thousands of dollars in gear for a reason. I can't do what I do without it.

Sweet as Pie

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 10:03 am

amother wrote:

It doesn't. I own thousands of dollars in gear for a reason. I can't do what I do without it.

That’s her point!! It doesn’t need to be with your equipment. Just a nice shot with your professional angle

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 10:11 am

Sometimes a professional does not want to do something unprofessional as it could impact his or her reputation as in "what so and so took this?! It doesn't even look professional!" Plus it can put someone on the spot to expect professional services for free or on "off" time. Like they are with their kids and enjoying being in mommy mode. Or just enjoy not working. If they want to do something they will offer.

amother

Oak

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 10:51 am

zeesamama wrote:

That’s her point!! It doesn’t need to be with your equipment. Just a nice shot with your professional angle

You really don't get it, do you. She is being pressured by her relatives to provide free professional services, which is a problem whether she's on vacation or not.

amother

Blush

Mon, Jun 04 2018, 5:14 am

amother wrote:

Please stop trying to make your reservations. My summer home is for my family's enjoyment. It is not your resource. I don't want to be tied down hosting. If I want you, I will invite you.

Please stop pressuring me.

AMEN SISTA!!!

zaq

Mon, Jun 04 2018, 9:04 am

I don’t think OP was unduly harsh at all. I imagine she’s more diplomatic to all the fine people conspiring to make hachnossas orchim her least favorite mitzvah, but this is how she feels, and who can blame her?

“No, I’m so sorry, it won’t be possible for us/that is not a good time/we have another commitment” (said commitment being to yourself and your nuclear family). That’s all you really need to say, though referring them to hotels or short-term rentals in the vicinity is a helpful touch.