Overnight Babysitter- Boro Park

amother

Mauve

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:36 am

[quote="amother"]Amother mauve, now you're asking respectfully instead of bashing, theres a big difference.
It's by the litvish/yeshivish just as much. (At least in my community.) My litvish next door neighbor is an overnight babysitter & theres always kids by her. Shes very popular & very

I'm litvish. None of my friends ever sent their toddlers away to STRANGERS. they send to bubbies, siblings, cousins, friends. But never to strangers. Kids are not sacks of potatoes. You can't just plop them down wherever you feel like and justify that it's good for them, or they aren't affected...why is this ok?? You're not answering me.

anon for this

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:47 am

amother wrote:

Anon for this, I'll explain what I meant. If a mom gets so hysterical at the thought of sending a child to a sitter & never sends for a while, and when the child is much older and a situation comes up where the child must spend a night away from home, the child will have a much harder time adjusting & might even be traumatized because the child was never away.
If a child was never away for a night & goes to camp for the summer when older, he'll probably have a much harder time adjusting than the average kid.

Thanks for your response. I'm guessing you wrote this because you've experienced or observed for yourself that children who've never spent a night away from home when very young can't adjust to it later. My experience is different. Except for a sleepover at my sister's house at age 7, and a few overnights at his day camp when he was older, my youngest son never spent a night away from home until he went to camp at age 12. B"H he had a great time with no adjustment issues. I'd intended to send him for half the summer, but he liked it so much he asked to stay for second half too.

Last edited by anon for this on Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:56 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Green

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:48 am

amother wrote:

In this lovely big world that we live in, no where else , in the civilized world, other than by the chassidish community is it acceptable to abandon toddlers by total strangers. Why is this ok? I genuinely cannot understand . They are not the only ones that have large families, yet they seem to be the only ones that do this. Please explain.

Oh please, there are communities where kids are raised by housekeepers and nannies.
Everybody does what they have to do and what they feel is right for them, so stop judging.

PinkFridge

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:56 am

amother wrote:

I'd just like to add that majority of celebrities and actresses can leave their kids for weeks if not months at a time. And they dont have big families. So were not the only ones in the world doing this.
Just saying.....

Where do I start...
They're leaving their kids behind in their own homes with staff. But that's not the point. The point is, are you getting plastic surgery, eating bare minimum caloric sustenance, or any other number of things celebrities do?
Gotta stop now but...really?

pesek zman

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:00 pm

amother wrote:

Amother mauve, you better stop judging others until you've been in their shoes. I dont even want to think what would happen to you if you would ever be on a situation that you have to send young kids to a sitter.

I think people are objecting to the fact that it doesn't seem to be extenuating circumstances. It's seems that within the chassidish community people send their toddlers away (perhaps older children too) after every birth, which (BH) is a frequent occurrence.

octopus

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:06 pm

I've always felt that the chasidishe world knows and values how to treat a postpartum women. I wish some of it would rub off on the litivishe world. In the litvishe world, you are supposed to be superwoman, and everyone feels that yeah it's hard, but toughen up because we all did it and survived. One way is better for the child and one way is better for the postpartum mom. I do want to mention that I don't believe in sending away children after a birth, but I do think that if you are going to ship out, it should only be to family. If you can't send to family, then your husband just has to take off from work to help out. That's what I do. My husband takes off a few days and then it's all on me. Yes, the house is a pigsty and suppers are not so beautiful. Really it does take a village to raise a child.

ectomorph

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:14 pm

octopus wrote:

agreed. I have a baby and amy doing the shopping within 2 weeks. Don't have family nearby. I wish we were chassidish and I could leave my kids somewhere. .. and I have help at home if I need, but the best help does not prevent my toddlers insisting for me to pick them up ...

amother

Pink

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:36 pm

I didn't read this whole thread, but let me just tell you my experience. I recently gave birth to child number 6 BH and had difficulty finding a relative who would take my toddler. I did a ton of research (for sure more than most people do for a shidduch...) until I found a wonderful woman who cared for my child for two weeks. Trust me, my toddler was a lot better off than if he was home with me....I'm totally incapable of caring for my family after birth. The babysitter was so wonderful and my child was so happy, that I kept him there for more than I thought I would.. When my son came home, he was so happy and well-adjusted. It would have been a dangerous situation for both him and I had he been home with me..

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:59 pm

I'm sad about this thread.
Amother mauve if you don't understand something start a new thread.. this is not the place to put guilt on this mom. You don't understand how a mom can put her toddler by a stranger for a week, and I cannot understand how women can be so cruel, yes cruel as to bombard a woman with guilt and attacks because you cannot fathom such a decision.
That's something I cannot comprehend.

gamanit

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 1:09 pm

I don't know why everyone here is assuming that kids are just dropped off by overnight babysitter and left there until they come back home. That is most certainly not the case for everyone.

The babysitter that I used to use took kids for overnight as well on occasion. One kid that was there because her mother had a surgery and was unable to walk was picked up for two hours every day by her father and brought home for a visit and supper and then dropped back off by the babysitter.

Most people do have family that can take their kids for them but not everyone has that option. The kids that I have seen seemed happy and well taken care of. They were mostly well prepared in advance that this will be the situation and sent there a few times just for during the day in order to get comfortable with the place. These are loving and caring mothers and don't assume you know better than them how to best care for their child.

moonstone

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 2:56 pm

amother wrote:

Amother mauve, I guess you never go away without your kids, you never had an out of town simcha that you went without your kids & that you or anyone else in the family where never hospitalized for overnights. Good for you, though I dont understand how you're still sane. (Unless you have just 1 or 2 kids).
But not everyone is you & dont make others feel bad for doing what is right for them. It's not normal or healthy for a women to come home to a house full.of kids post birth.
I dont know anyone that was never in a position that they had to send a child to a sitter.

OMG, if you can't handle a newborn along with your other kids, then maybe the solution is to have fewer children-- not to send one or more out of their own home because they're in the way and you want your life to be easier. When you have kids, it's not all about what's best for you anymore, I thought most normal mothers understood that. Of course its not easy with a newborn and older kids, but I would never have even considered sending any of my other kids away for those first few weeks. The very idea horrifies me.

I never knew about this bizarre practice until I read about it on imamother, and I honestly find it disgusting. Your newborn needs your attention? So do your other kids-- now more than ever. There's a new baby in the house, everything's topsy turvy- you don't think your other kids need stability and consistency AND THEIR PARENTS at this crazy time? Being shunted off somewhere is the last thing they need. Bad enough if it's to someone they know, but to A STRANGER??? That is just breathtakingly cruel. You can try to rationalize this disgusting practice all you want, but it's just terrible parenting, plain and simple.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 3:07 pm

Moonstone, your post is cruel and disgusting, I reported you.
No, it is not normal for a women to care for her family & home 1-2 days post birth! Birth is a sakana, that's how hashem created birth to be. We are not supposed to be doing anything besides caring for the baby post birth. It is not healthy or normal to just go on where you left off post birth. It is not a reason not to have kids, because were not supposed to handle all our other kids 2 days after giving birth.
I absolutely dont look up to women who boast that they do everything normal right after leaving the hospital, its foolish and stupid. We need to let ourselves recuperate.

gamanit

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 3:09 pm

moonstone wrote:

You make it sound as though they're kicking their kids out of their house for months at a time until this baby is past the newborn stage. Giving birth isn't a minor medical procedure. A postpartum woman needs to recover. In this area paternity leave is not common. You cannot expect a woman to manage even one other child while recovering from major bodily trauma. You're asking for more women to suffer from ppd- and their children indirectly.

Just because you find the practice bizzare doesn't mean it's absurd for everyone. You are not from this culture but this works for this community. The kids usually do get plenty of attention; as I mentioned they usually get picked up and get one on one time. Parents take the time to familiarize their child with the babysitter in advance, usually sending every day until the birth in the last few weeks. It's only if there is an extreme urgent situation such as an unexpected medical emergency is a child dropped of at a stranger with no preparation in advance.

Sebastian

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 3:11 pm

amother pumpkin, many women feel that they can recuperate without sending their toddlers out overnight.

If OP was looking for a mothers helper, cleaning help, nurse or whatever for after her baby she wouldn't be getting these responses.

I definitely believe that a yoledet MUST take it easy after birth. No cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. But babies should NOT be sent out of the home. It's a hard enough adjustment for them without dealing with a new caretaker and environment.