Girls going to the mall unsupervised

dankbar

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 8:29 am

Why I was saying from wmsbg to bp....because I once heard a neighbor of mine saying that she doesn't let her 16 yr old girl go herself shopping to bp with the wmsbg/bp bus....which I thought was insane....tie up the teens hands like that.....how do they grow up? I asked the mom....she said it's not about being independent just hashkafa....

Last edited by dankbar on Fri, Jan 04 2019, 8:31 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Beige

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 8:30 am

The palisades mall is absolutely full of frum people. I’m really not sure what OP is afraid of. There is laser tag and arcades is that considered inappropriate? And the Garden State Plaza has a movie theater if that’s what you mean by entertainment.

thunderstorm

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 8:40 am

The Palisades mall has a lot of fun things to do and you don't have to be part of the "hang out". IMO I never saw young Jewish teens doing low class stuff. There is a fun obstacle course that's four stories high, virtual rides, go karts, Escape the room, bowling, ice skating etc.
I have have gone bowling there with my DH and we had the entire place to ourselves. You need to be wise and choose the right time to go. Going on Motzai Shabbos and Sunday is NOT a good time to go. Seichel needs to be used and that's why in my earlier post I mentioned that as long as you know how strong and mature your child is then you know if you can let her go alone.
Theatres are every where. A girl who's family is makpid not to watch movies and is a good girl and not a trouble maker , will not think twice about going to watch a movie. Teach your children that although it's there , it's not for us.
I also believe that the safety factor at the Palisades mall is more of an issue then the hangout part of it.

dankbar

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 9:04 am

You have to know your kids & trust them. I remember growing up not that sheltered as other kids, but when we went to Apollo mall from camp, some kids ran straight to the card shop to read all dirty jokes....I had also gone to card shop to get a bday card for my mom's August bday....but as soon as I came across a card that was inappropriate I dropped it....& didn't finish reading it.

amother

cornflower

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 9:48 am

princessleah wrote:

This classist stuff is moderately upsetting

Hey- I meant more refined, not a specific financial bracket or race etc. the garden state mall is also diverse and I enjoy it plenty. Like another poster said, it’s more about age range and what they come there for.

Lucky strike is the bowling alley, it’s also a bar and quite a scene on a Saturday night I assume. On Tuesday morning it still has some crass pictures but it’s fine. Personally I wouldn’t go there as a first choice.

The skating rink etc are totally fine, but just roaming the mall to chill I dont enjoy/ find refined. I wouldn’t ‘not let’ a 16 year old do stuff though- I was treated like an adult and my mom would discuss things with me the same way she spoke about them when I went to sem or was dating- use ur brain, some things are ok by letter of the law but may not be ideal. Some places are ok to go to if u need to but are not the best places to spend time in at certain times etc. (think Yaffo at night)

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

Please define “hangout”. You are afraid your dds will hang out with the non Jewish teens?

Does it matter?

There are things at that mall that OP doesn't want her daughter to do - that's her privilege as her mother.

She asked - when is she old enough that I trust her not to do those things.

amother

Beige

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 10:25 am

amother wrote:

I am curious what those things are being familiar with that mall. I think 13/14 is old enough to go to the mall with friends since you asked.

amother

Saddlebrown

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 10:43 am

dankbar wrote:

I wasn't talking Monsey girls coming into Brooklyn alone, I'm talking Monsey girls coming into Manhattan to shop on own...is not something that's supported there.

I was once involved with a shidduch for a girl that was from Monsey & was told that this girl is more modern, so I asked what does that mean? I was told this girl goes herself to Manhattan to shop while other Monsey chassidish girls don't.

I was surprised because most of my friends worked in Manhattan as single girls straight out of hi school & took train daily, it was never an issue. People just hop on the train anytime & go shopping in Manhattan.

I guess to Monsey train & Manhattan is viewed upon differently

That must be a Chassidish thing, then. I grew up in Monsey and the frummest girls in my BY class went to Manhatten at mid-winter vacation time. I myself worked in NYC when I was single, and took the bus by myself.

naturalmom5

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 10:57 am

I am so CONFUSED....

Everytime I think I get it
A thread blows that to pieces

You mean a married lady with 6 children and a SN child can't drive

But a 16 year old girl can go to a prust place like P Mall even with her parents

Can not compute
Can not compute

NORMAN PLEASE EXPLAIN

Cheiny

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 11:21 am

amother wrote:

There's alot of pritzus in the mall in our area. How can I know they won't decide to go into the movie theater? And there can be inappropriate behavior at Dave and Busters & the bowling alley because the surrounding areas are pretty low and many teens hang out there.

There’s a lot of pritzus all over the streets....you can’t lock her in the house because of that. Sounds like you need to have trust and faith in her to make the proper decisions...otherwise, she can be easily do any of those things you listed, without going to a mall...

amother

Jetblack

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 11:23 am

OBnursemom wrote:

My daughter is 16. She went to the mall for the first time this summer with a friend. She had to have her phone on her and answer the second I called or I would come get her.

Is there any particular reason that you don't trust her?

amother

Lavender

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 11:28 am

Cheiny, I trust my daughter. Read though the posts, you'll see I'm not the only one with this opinion on the palisades mall. Because im having doubts about the mall, doesnt mean that I'm locking her in the house.
Dave and Busters can be a drunk makeout party, same for the bowling alley in the evening. It's no place for a girls to go unsupervised. When I take my girls, we dont even go up to the 4th floor, except when it's really quiet.

amother

Jetblack

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 11:32 am

amother wrote:

Cheiny, I trust my daughter. Read though the posts, you'll see I'm not the only one with this opinion on the palisades mall. Dave and Busters can be a drunk makeout party, same for the bowling alley in the evening. It's no place for a girls to go unsupervised. When I take my girls, we dont even go up to the 4th floor, except when it's really quiet.

Cheiny didn't say it, I did.

What you're saying is that you don't trust your daughter not to get involved in a "drunk makeout party." (Do you think that she has a fake ID that would allow her to get alcohol?)

amother

Blue

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 11:35 am

Hi there OP,
I live in monsey and I have four daughters and they attend/attended Bais Yaakov type of high schools. They are not allowed to go to Palisades mall by themselves, according to school rules. So I drive them and shop with them. The truth is that I wouldn't want them going with their friends anyways so the school rule is something I have no problem with.
How about letting them go to Shops of Nanuet? I don't know if your school allows but it's a better option.
I think you should follow your instincts, you know best what's good for your daughter. Hatzlocha!

amother

Blue

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 11:41 am

[quote="Fox"]There's a deeper issue, too: do we want our kids to become accustomed to think of shopping as entertainment? Even if the mall were a totally appropriate environment otherwise (which no mall is), the idea that one shops as a social activity, rather than a way to purchase something that one needs, is not the greatest chinuch.

We held off until 16 or thereabouts, but we limited the time very strictly -- no more than an hour or so.

The-mall-as-hangout is a business model, not an educational model.[/quote

Here in Monsey there is not much that a high school girl is allowed to do, other than shop for clothes and go out to eat! No after school sports teams and clubs etc in the Bais Yaakov here in my experience. Oh they have concert practice for a couple of weeks whoop de doo. No art, no music, no dance classes. It's terrible that they don't have more to life than school and homework and midterms and finals. They need something!!!

amother

cornflower

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 11:51 am

[quote="amother"]

Fox wrote:

There's a deeper issue, too: do we want our kids to become accustomed to think of shopping as entertainment? Even if the mall were a totally appropriate environment otherwise (which no mall is), the idea that one shops as a social activity, rather than a way to purchase something that one needs, is not the greatest chinuch.

We held off until 16 or thereabouts, but we limited the time very strictly -- no more than an hour or so.

The-mall-as-hangout is a business model, not an educational model.[/quote

Here in Monsey there is not much that a high school girl is allowed to do, other than shop for clothes and go out to eat! No after school sports teams and clubs etc in the Bais Yaakov here in my experience. Oh they have concert practice for a couple of weeks whoop de doo. No art, no music, no dance classes. It's terrible that they don't have more to life than school and homework and midterms and finals. They need something!!!

I figure skated (expensive). Had many friends that took music/ gymnastic/ ballet classes. We also came home from school at 5:30 and went to camp or worked summers. Midwinter and maybe a few times a year I’d end up at the mall without my mom running errands. Once I drove it was more frequent but it was shopping not ‘hanging out’ we went to Woodbury, the Bergen mall. Garden state plaza. Ceramic painting. Lunch in Teaneck randomly for a birthday- we also worked after hs and seminary. Idk where ppls kids have this endless spare time.

amother

Lavender

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 11:57 am

Amother jetblack, you don't need ID to go into Dave and busters. I'm not worried my daughter will get involved in anything, nor did I say I dont trust her. I just dont think it's a place for frum girls to be unsupervised. As do other mothers on this thread. Would you really let your teens hang out in such an environment.
Amother Blue, they do go to the nanuet mall.
And theres plenty of after school programs girls can join. Gym, ballet, aerobics classes, art, music lessons, there's this girls chior/drama program. There are enough options.