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S/o When you work full time you have a lot of cleaning help
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Poll

Working Hours / Cleaning Help
I work full time - have no cleaning help
 18%  [ 81 ]
I work full time - have cleaning help once a week or less
 14%  [ 63 ]
I work full time - have cleaning help twice a week or more
 9%  [ 40 ]
I work part time - have no cleaning help
 13%  [ 61 ]
I work part time - have cleaning help once a wk or less
 12%  [ 56 ]
I work part time - have cleaning help twice a wk or more
 9%  [ 40 ]
I am SAHM - have no cleaning help
 7%  [ 33 ]
I am SAHM - have cleaning help once a week or less
 6%  [ 30 ]
I am SAHM - have cleaning help twice a wk or more
 9%  [ 40 ]
Total Votes : 444


amother




Pewter


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 4:09 pm
I am a stay at home mom. And have cleaning help. Couldn’t live with out it. Have a big house and always hosting company. My baby doesn’t nap and I wouldn’t have time to clean much. Also I have very high standards and house needs to be very clean. If it’s not clean I can’t sit down and relax. Even with cleaning help I am constantly cleaning. Yes maybe not washing toilets even though I do that sometimes but taking out garbages, washing dishes, I do the laundry. Put away toys etc
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rgr




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 4:19 pm
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moonmama




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 4:54 pm
@OP, I don’t think anyone mentioned this correlation, but as a SAHM with 2 little ones home all day,and plenty more home in the non-school hours ka”h, not only is there a ton of mess in my home but because I am home all day, I live and breathe this mess, there is no escape! Between the cold weather and the naps we don’t go out too much so I have to look at a messy house all day. It can get depressing. Just as WAHM’s have a hard time compartmentalising, and feeling truly “off duty”, so too a SAHM doesn’t get the 8hr break from looking and thinking about the mess each day. Cleaning help is a real break from that constant drain of responsibility to clean that hangs over me all day. Right now I don’t have help, but when I do, I like that all the messes during the week stress me out less, knowing that it’s not all down to me to fix it up.

As for the people who iron, keep perfect house, raise large families and have no help, really, how??? My mother hated housework so we either had help growing up or pitched in and made do with mess. I don’t mind cleaning, in fact it can feel satisfying but it’s endless and my kids need love and attention so we let a lot of stuff slide. How do people manage a spotless home? Even more, when everyone’s home, it’s not even a question of love and attention, it’s literally that the kids are creating chaos faster than one person can rectify it, between the getting snacks, drinks, playing, changing outfits, bathtimes, meals, homework, baby messes, of course I try to encourage them to clean up after themselves but if I am occupied with someone else, I cannot be so on top of it.

Just...how???
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amother




Khaki


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 5:55 pm
amother wrote:
I think people who have enough money to afford to work part time (or stay home ) also have enough money for a CL.


Not in my case. Because I work part time we can't afford a cleaning lady. (Which is worth it for me as I have some time to take care of things and can be home when my children get home) I have a bunch of friends like this to - the make do with out a cleaning lady and some other things in order to be able to be home more.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 7:48 pm
chatz wrote:
How many hours do you consider full time?

There's other factors. How helpful/involved the husband is, their standards, how they grew up, size of the home, their health, and number/age of children.

Of course there is a gazillion of potential possibilities, it would be next to impossible to create a poll that would address all of them Smile Also I specially left number of hours out, for most FT is 40 hrs , but some work less hours at the workplace but have additional responsibilities so their total would amount to a full workweek.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:01 pm
amother wrote:
Somehow I don't think this poll is going to be used to draw make any meaningful conclusions. I sure hope not.
Lol, my personal conclusion is that I need to prioritize better and get a CL at least twice a month. The truth is my goal was to show that a common premice that working moms have more cleaning help is wrong. I think older generations had less women working and they did have more household help, but unfortunatelly its not true nowdays .
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:06 pm
amother wrote:
Who watches your kids?
My youngest is over Bas Mitzvah , but in the past , my parents / grandma, nursery, school with afterschool program
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:12 pm
amother wrote:
I think that there are so many variables that affect the decision to spending money on cleaning help.

I didn't have for many years. Then I had 2 hours a week for a while. Then nothing again.

But now I have 6 hours per week. I don't know... I'm in my 40s now. I get tired. The emotional needs of my children take a lot out of me. And I'm just not as physically strong as I used to be no matter how much I try to psyche myself up. Also, my responsibilities have changed. As a younger couple, we went away for shabbosim and yomtov. Now I make it all, and sometimes host.

I guess its come to a point where I need a bit of a break. I try to do and do and do for others. I have my struggles and hardships in my life that are terribly painful. If someone comes to help me out and wash down the bathrooms and kitchen floors and change the linens, so what. I am not superwoman. If I ever wanted to be that, its been a long time. I want to try to do my best when I can and try to be good enough when "best" isn't happening. I guess when you're in your 40s its different. You look at life differently. You look at self-definition differently. You know in a more clearly defined way that there is the end of the line, so to speak. And then you think life is so precious how do I want to live it. I would like to enjoy it while I try to make others around me enjoy their life as well. Its a different kind of drive and ambition than I had in my 20s and 30s.

Love this post! I am in my early 40s and I start to realize a lot of this is about quality of life.
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amother




Azure


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:22 pm
Full time work and full time cleaning help who is also the babysitter when the kids get home.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:31 pm
sky wrote:
The poll is misleading. I have three times a week - but a total of 7 hours. (I work full time).
Days in no way correlated to hours.
Very Happy I should have approximated hours vs . days , but its not my PHD thesis, lol. 7 hrs a week is def less then one day, even if it is broken down into two days, so it's probably equivalent to second category.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:51 pm
greengrapes wrote:
Same here. I work 9-3 30 every day. Come home tired beyond. I wld love a cleaning lady but im out all day so I need on friday. Now go fund someone on friday!


I work Friday til 1230 that’s why I need sundays
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out-of-towner




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:38 pm
I voted that I work full time and have cleaning help more than twice a week but when I say cleaning help, I mean a full time nanny who watches my youngest full time and my older ones when they get home from school. My kids have so many days off and I basically have 5 legal holidays plus YT and a couple of extra days (if even that) that full time babysitting help is a necessity.
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amother




Bisque


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 12:10 am
I work full time, as does DH, and I have found, bizarrely, that my shalom bayis improves when there's no cleaning lady.

When there's a cleaner, I need to nag DH to help to tidy up so that the cleaner can do the heavy work (floors, vacuuming, etc). Or I turn into a resentful shmatte by doing all the tidying myself. So then the house is clean but DH is annoyed that I nagged or I'm annoyed that I did all the work myself. I'd rather have no cleaner and we do whatever we can before shabbos. Our home is NEVER pristine but at least we are not angry at each other.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 6:40 am
chatz wrote:
To illustrate:

Mom #1 is a SAHM. She has 3 kids under 3 at home with her. Her husband is out of the house from 6 am til 10 pm and is too exhausted to help much.

Mom #2 works full time. Her kids are elementary age or older. Hey husband comes home at 6 pm and every evening they do housework together.

Every situation is different.

Personally, I don't have cleaning help and it has more to do with my upbringing than my work hours.


Why do a lot of ppl think there are a lot of "mom #2" scenarios?? Many times women who work full time will come home with their kids, but their husband also works til 10 pm...and is not helping with the cleaning!! For some reason, many well to do ppl think the "poorer" ppl are not working long hours too!!

Op, I dont have cleaning help, and I work full time. Its hard but there are more important things we need to pay for first. A lot of shiurim always say "hire help", yeah, great idea to hire hw helper, hire a cleaning lady etc...but nobody in these shuirim will tell u how to pay for it!!
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amother




Copper


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 7:53 pm
I work full time and I have someone come M-F to clean and cook dinner. I straightened up myself all the time. My house is perfectly neat.
I am married 3 years, hubby works full time. I have a 2 year old, and another on the way (bh!), and I just do not have the time or energy to keep the house clean and to cook.
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Its Friday




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 9:50 pm
It all depends on one thing : how Hashem alloted on rosh hashona. I have rduced from 3 times a week 4 hours each to 2 times a week 4 hours each. I got used to it. I am makpid to stay home when they are so I have to be mindfull of that because it is only after my full time job so those 2 days is just work and home. If there is a close wedding I need to either pay her anyway and send earlier or leave someone home.
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pecan




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 11:37 pm
I work part time, have 2 days of a few hours of cleaning help for a total of 7 hours. I have a lot of stuff going on with kids and frequent guests. There is no way I can do the heavy cleaning. Same way I have bread on my table I have cleaning help. I'd rather work more hours and have someone else clean...
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amother




Peach


Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:50 am
amother wrote:
Who says sahm are wealthy? Some communities it's the norm to work by some the majority are sahm.

I'm sahm & can't cover expenses, but couldn't go to work with a kid that was home due to illnes. Dh couldn't either work too much at time, bc of child's hospital stays & appts.

I have some help from HHA. Also more work where there were times that everything needed to be sterilized on a daily basis, like toys, couches, bathtubs, toilets, child's bed & bedroom, all surfaces touched by other kids, as dc was in a precarious stage.

More mess was created as well, as volunteers baked/melted choco/painted/did crafts/play dough all day & didnt always have time to clean up the mess before they were off.

After spending entire day at hosp with child I came home like a shmatte....didnt have physical or emotional energy left for cleaning...so never judge

Heard feedback that volunteers said my house is not clean enough....my mom warned me about shidduchim!

So if you are my neighbor & see that a lady is coming often to my house, don't be jealous on my cleaning help yet.

Besides she's not interested in doing heavy work as she's hha. Before pesach she puts up a fight. She's boss by now, cannot tell her a single thing what & how she should do. Gets moody. Makes her own schedule.


As someone that works in an hha company I picked up on that. It's really hard when your hha started feeling like she runs the home. Please reach out to your coordinator and tell her she should look out for a new one. Sometimes when pt family have this complain we have it in mind and when a diff Jewish mother calls with the same complain we switch them (so you don't Need to train her so much and she's afraid to be boss for the first year or so). It is very hard to switch but sometimes it's worth it . May your dc have a refauh shlemah bekorov
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salt




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 4:35 am
I voted full-time work and no cleaning help, because I assume you mean payed cleaning help. But my DH works part time and does a lot of the cleaning at home.
Every family is different and does what works for them.
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amother




Navy


Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 12:10 pm
I have 5 hours of help on Friday. I used to have 3, I had shared the cleaning lady with my sister but she moved away. Issue is that if I do not pay for at least 5 hrs the lady will go elsewhere. I cannot expect her to come to me for the same 3 hrs as before when she is not getring the 3 hrs in the morning that she used to have. So its a stretch right now financially, but I really do not have another idea! I have not found someone for the three morning hours so it is what it is. Honestly, there is what to do for 5 hours as we live in a really small space, I have health limitations, work full time and have low energy and husband and one child have ADD and really do not realize the mess the make/care enough to put it away. So in a way we are enjoying this forced extra help for now....
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