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Do your kids get dessert if they didn't finish supper?
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 9:23 pm
I think you have to decide how you want to manage meal times in general, not specifically dessert. Is it a priority for you to have kids sit at the table at a designated time and eat as a family? If so, it would be unusual for a child to sit through it eating nothing. So they'll eat, and it's reasonable for dessert to follow. If you don't really care about structured meal times, why does this dessert have to be tied to any particular event? The child perceives it as a stand alone event following an optional meal.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:06 pm
amother wrote:
He's saying he's full either because he really is, but dessert he'll stuff in regardless. Or he's not really full but he's not hungry either and he'd rather play and the food isn't something he especially likes, though he doesn't necessarily not like it.
It doesn't matter if there's dessert or not.

However, if there is dessert, he'll want it, and I have to decide between a and b, which is what my OP was asking. Does your child get dessert even if they didn't eat/finish (only ate a few bites of) their supper?


That definitely sounds aggravating and like he is putting you between a rock and a hard place. To answer your question, for my kids the answer is generally yes. But that is because the vast majority of the time they willingly eat at least a reasonable portion of their meal. So if on occasion they are just not that hungry for real food or just not in the mood for that food etc., I would offer them an alternative that they might prefer and that is preferable to dessert/junk food, and if they don't want that either and they want dessert I would allow it. However, if I had a kid who was doing that on a very regular basis I think my response would be different, but I don't know for sure what I would do since I haven't been in that situation.

I understand from one of your earlier posts that you don't want to eliminate desserts/treats from your home, and I totally get that. But due to the circumstance you describe with this child I would think it a good idea (which perhaps you already do) to have only a limited amount available when you do have dessert. Like say for example you are serving chocolate chip cookies for a Rosh Chodesh dessert. Only make half a batch or whatever is enough for each person to have say 2 cookies. (Or make a larger amount but freeze the excess before the kids even see it.) Then even if a kid only eats dessert he will not eat so much of it and he will likely be hungry later and can eat some healthier food then.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:09 pm
amother wrote:
Our Shabbos meals tend to look the same each week. Rosh chodesh is regular weekday supper which I make according to the day of the week, I.e. sunday leftovers, meatless monday, etc. I guess that's something I can keep in mind for next rosh chodesh.


With my kids listening to their input when planning my menus makes a big difference in their willingness to eat (especially for my most picky eater), but of course every kid is different.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:21 pm
Bring on the dessert! 10 pages of dessert & you are witholding the ice cream from us, first making us a drool....totally unfair!
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:26 pm
You see I'm stuffed to the gils, & asking for dessert anyway! Can you guess why? I was that thin, picky eater, nebech nisht du vus tsi tsippen! Couldnt get up from table till I finished my plate....now I have to be told to stop eating....

I am overweight, its affecting my health! When I'm by mom, she has a different song today.....
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:34 pm
amother wrote:
That definitely sounds aggravating and like he is putting you between a rock and a hard place. To answer your question, for my kids the answer is generally yes. But that is because the vast majority of the time they willingly eat at least a reasonable portion of their meal. So if on occasion they are just not that hungry for real food or just not in the mood for that food etc., I would offer them an alternative that they might prefer and that is preferable to dessert/junk food, and if they don't want that either and they want dessert I would allow it. However, if I had a kid who was doing that on a very regular basis I think my response would be different, but I don't know for sure what I would do since I haven't been in that situation.

I understand from one of your earlier posts that you don't want to eliminate desserts/treats from your home, and I totally get that. But due to the circumstance you describe with this child I would think it a good idea (which perhaps you already do) to have only a limited amount available when you do have dessert. Like say for example you are serving chocolate chip cookies for a Rosh Chodesh dessert. Only make half a batch or whatever is enough for each person to have say 2 cookies. (Or make a larger amount but freeze the excess before the kids even see it.) Then even if a kid only eats dessert he will not eat so much of it and he will likely be hungry later and can eat some healthier food then.

Desserts are portioned, whether one slice of cake, one cookie, one cup of pudding, etc. so at least in my house nobody's overeating on dessert.

This does happen on a regular basis so I like to have a universal policy for both myself and the kid, instead of random emotionally-based decisions each time. A general rule also lets me not talk about it so much because you know the rule and that's that.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:36 pm
dankbar wrote:
Bring on the dessert! 10 pages of dessert & you are witholding the ice cream from us, first making us a drool....totally unfair!

I made chocolate pudding parfaits topped with whipped cream, crushed cookies and a single cannoli. Totally delish!
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:37 pm
amother wrote:
Desserts are portioned, whether one slice of cake, one cookie, one cup of pudding, etc. so at least in my house nobody's overeating on dessert.

This does happen on a regular basis so I like to have a universal policy for both myself and the kid, instead of random emotionally-based decisions each time. A general rule also lets me not talk about it so much because you know the rule and that's that.


What would happen if he doesn't eat real food and you let him have his small portion of dessert? Does he get hungry later? Does he ask for more dessert then?
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:37 pm
dankbar wrote:
You see I'm stuffed to the gils, & asking for dessert anyway! Can you guess why? I was that thin, picky eater, nebech nisht du vus tsi tsippen! Couldnt get up from table till I finished my plate....now I have to be told to stop eating....

I am overweight, its affecting my health! When I'm by mom, she has a different song today.....

I'm the same way, grew up the same way, and I'm thin. My mother still wants to see me finish my plate.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:38 pm
amother wrote:
I made chocolate pudding parfaits topped with whipped cream, crushed cookies and a single cannoli. Totally delish!


Wow! If I saw that I wouldn't want to finish my supper either LOL
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:39 pm
amother wrote:
What would happen if he doesn't eat real food and you let him have his small portion of dessert? Does he get hungry later? Does he ask for more dessert then?

During the week, he might get hungry later but usually not, especially after dessert.
Shabbos, he will get hungry later at which point I will get a request for Shabbos party.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:41 pm
amother wrote:
Wow! If I saw that I wouldn't want to finish my supper either LOL

Rolling Laughter
I said whoever eats up nicely will get that. Some kids ate nicely, and some kids were sitting at the table not wanting to eat but not wanting to get up and leave because they wanted dessert.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:44 pm
amother wrote:
During the week, he might get hungry later but usually not, especially after dessert.
Shabbos, he will get hungry later at which point I will get a request for Shabbos party.


I guess I serve supper earlier than you do. My kids would for sure get hungry again later if they just ate dessert.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. I guess there are kids who would literally live only on nosh if given that option. My kids like nosh and eat plenty of it, but they also get hungry for and want regular food.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:47 pm
amother wrote:
I guess I serve supper earlier than you do. My kids would for sure get hungry again later if they just ate dessert.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. I guess there are kids who would literally live only on nosh if given that option. My kids like nosh and eat plenty of it, but they also get hungry for and want regular food.

I serve supper as soon as they get home, each kid different timing. They are often still full from school lunch.
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keym




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:51 pm
amother wrote:
I serve supper as soon as they get home, each kid different timing. They are often still full from school lunch.


OK. Wow. Most kids I know walk in the door starving, ready to eat the walls. I guess that's why I'm having a hard time relating.
I try to have a plate of cut up vegies ready when they come home. Peppers, carrot sticks.
They are starving that they devour half the plate in one gulp. So to me that counteracts the affects of school lunches.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 10:56 pm
amother wrote:
Rolling Laughter
I said whoever eats up nicely will get that. Some kids ate nicely, and some kids were sitting at the table not wanting to eat but not wanting to get up and leave because they wanted dessert.


What if you would serve the dessert a couple hours later? Wouldn't work on Shabbos, but on Rosh Chodesh or such. Any chance your son would get hungry in the meanwhile and eat some real food? Plus would the fact that he can't get the dessert until later anyway deter him from trying to skip eating? Like if he is sitting there with his plate of chicken knowing that when supper is over he gets dessert he would be inclined to want to cut supper short by saying he is full/doesn't want his chicken, but if the dessert is something that is for later he wouldn't have that incentive to rush supper. Dessert is served at x time (later in the evening) rather than dessert is served when supper is finished.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 11:01 pm
amother wrote:
I serve supper as soon as they get home, each kid different timing. They are often still full from school lunch.


If that's the case, why are you serving it so early?
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 11:08 pm
amother wrote:
What if you would serve the dessert a couple hours later? Wouldn't work on Shabbos, but on Rosh Chodesh or such. Any chance your son would get hungry in the meanwhile and eat some real food? Plus would the fact that he can't get the dessert until later anyway deter him from trying to skip eating? Like if he is sitting there with his plate of chicken knowing that when supper is over he gets dessert he would be inclined to want to cut supper short by saying he is full/doesn't want his chicken, but if the dessert is something that is for later he wouldn't have that incentive to rush supper. Dessert is served at x time (later in the evening) rather than dessert is served when supper is finished.

Our evenings aren't that long. This particular kid comes home after 5 and bedtime for the younger ones is at 7, so they'd be eating dessert latest at 6, which is when this kid is still busy with supper (whether eating or trying to not eat)
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 11:11 pm
amother wrote:
If that's the case, why are you serving it so early?
It's not early. Boys eat lunch in yeshiva at 12:30 and come home between 5 and 6. I don't want them going to bed with a full stomach either. Ideal is to finish supper minimum of 2 hours before bed.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Thu, Feb 07 2019, 11:17 pm
amother wrote:
It's not early. Boys eat lunch in yeshiva at 12:30 and come home between 5 and 6. I don't want them going to bed with a full stomach either. Ideal is to finish supper minimum of 2 hours before bed.


What do they eat for lunch that he is still full 5 hours later? (Or at least full enough that he isn't really hungry)
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