How much did your chassone cost?

TwinsMommy

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 9:53 pm

We got married in 1998 in Los Angeles at Sportsmen's Lodge (before there was any broo ha ha about kashrus). We paid with our own money... my family wasn't involved (and though I invited them, nobody showed up) and my husband's family was emotionally supportive and happy to be there but didn't have money.

BT, modern Ortho.

Hall, photographer, videographer, band, flowers, bentschers, dress, suit new $600 setting for a hand me down diamond for an engagement ring, a $40 wedding ring, etc etc etc === $18,000 TOTAL for a Sunday brunch for about 120 people. And it was wonderful.

amother

Navy

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 10:00 pm

I didn’t pay it so don’t know the final bill. But if you include Shabbos Sheva Brachos plus furniture and gifts into the price my wedding was well over $200k.
Yes, it was a “balabatish” Brooklyn wedding. Yes some things were above average. I’m not sure what the point of the question was but no my situation isn’t unique or unusual for chassidish balabatish boro park

doctorima

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 10:09 pm

amother wrote:

amother

Lilac

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 10:13 pm

amother wrote:

Yup, manny ppl I know have wedding like this. Most weddings I go to actually appear to be in that price range for totals. And my friend who is a party planner concurs that’s it’s about 100k for the wedding night plus plus

amother

Navy

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 10:44 pm

amother wrote:

Since majority of posters were not mentioning this entire “group” of people, I figured I’d post my info.
And I know I’m not the only one.

amother

Slategray

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 11:39 pm

OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!!!!!! 200K even if you have the $$ is HORRID in my honest opinion! I hope you are getting a down payment for a BROOKLYN HOUSE if that is what is going towards your wedding expenses, or a fully paid apartment for you to OWN. If not, completely irresponsible way to make a wedding no matter how much money you have. Better to pay for a MAX 80K wedding and give the couple money towards a down payment. I wouldn't be surprised if many of these couples who had such expensive weddings and start up costs are the same people living on government benefits for a lot of their life. I have LOADS of Chasseedish friends and cousins and what I see is mortifying.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Feb 26 2019, 6:25 am

amother wrote:

Since majority of posters were not mentioning this entire “group” of people, I figured I’d post my info.
And I know I’m not the only one.

One of my friends had a 250 k wedding and that was just the wedding night, not furniture, sheitels, rings, gifts or engagement photoshoot, vort etc.
Her husband's family is loaded though. They paid most of it. I think her dad paid 20 k

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Feb 26 2019, 6:27 am

amother wrote:

I disagree. Those people usually get a house or apartment aswell.
Also I know a family who spent loads of money on their kids weddings but they gave the exact same amount to a different kallah as tzedaka (or to several kallahs since it was tons of money).

amother

Lilac

Tue, Feb 26 2019, 9:41 am

amother wrote:

How is this a normal response to someone giving an honest answer?

You (and I) may not like the system but this response was about what her parents chose to do, not her own choices. We don’t dictate to our parents how and when to spend their money....
My wedding was not that much but definitely very pricey, I had very little say but was very grateful for anything my parents bought me and for their celebration of my husband and I. And just btw- yes we did get that amount, probably even more, towards support and iyh a down payment. Sorry if u think it’s outrageous. My parents have investments and savings on their children’s name from when we are very young and don’t spend on many things others consider more justified...

I think it’s disgusting for you to react like that to someone just stating her truth- if that’s how the convo goes you end up with a skewed representation of only the ppl who are not going to be shamed. (In this particular case, for their parents choices)

If you want to ask, ‘wow pretty crazy that they can pull that off do you plan on doing the same for your kids?’ We can discuss that. But my parents choices are not up for ur judgement.

southernbubby

Tue, Feb 26 2019, 9:59 am

amother wrote:

I like this answer. Many big spenders are also big givers.

The other side of the story, however, is when people who can't afford it go into a lifetime of debt to do it anyway and someone usually ends up eating that debt if the person dies with unpaid debts.

amother

Navy

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:43 am

southernbubby wrote:

I am not looking to defend nor to justify the actions of my parents. I do have to admit that now I understand why so many people who I’m sure had similarly priced weddings did not respond.
What I will say is that the same parents who spent that money also bought a full house for each child (not just down payment) and also provided support for as long as each child decided to learn.
And no debt was accrued.
Obviously not everyone can do it. But the outrage is unnecessary

mig100

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:50 am

amother wrote:

I agree the response u got was outrageously inappropriate. Its absolutely none of my business how other choose to spend THEIR hard earned money.

Assuming that u demanded such a wedding is completely unfair. For all u know mayb u didn't even want it.

I wish people would spend at least a fraction of the time they spend judging other-actually judging themselves... the world would b a better place

amother

Papaya

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:54 am

amother wrote:

How do people afford this?????? Can't Believe It

Multiple times for each child???
We just married off our son. Takana hall. $20,000 (we divided cost)
So all together for our side including her jewelry & aufruf, all our clothes probably close to $20,000. Everything was beautiful & nothing was missing.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 2:31 am

southernbubby wrote:

You're right. But that's just plain stupid in my opinion. If someone is that stupid they shouldn't blame rich people. Rich people can afford nicer homes, nicer cars, nicer vacations, nicer weddings. That's just life. If I'm poor and I buy a Porsche and go into debt... I'm plain dumb and that's all my fault.

amother

Seashell

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 5:26 am

amother wrote:

Read a few pages up thread when the same poster has a similar (disproportionate and rude) response to my post.

Raisin

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 5:39 am

amother wrote:

Like what? It actually makes me sad to think people who can afford it otherwise are depriving themselves of things so that they can make a fancy wedding for their kids. Enjoy life.

If somebody can afford to live nicely, provide for their kids, AND spend $200000 on a wedding, go ahead. But please, don't buy second hand clothing and skimp on camp for your kids to save for one night.

DVOM

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 6:06 am

amother wrote:

It was a garden party. Family made food (I guess that was a couple hundred). We had flowers since it was a garden (free), my dress was rented (250), I did my hair and makeup, my friend took pictures. So I guess it was the food, the dress rental, the suit, my bouquet and my ring. Around 900$. Would recommend 10/10.

We didn't do gifts during the engagement. I got a ring of course but that was it. I had furniture because I had lived alone and the rest my husband made himself. My mom gave us loads of kitchen stuff aswell

This sounds so lovely. I wanted this type of wedding. I wish now that I'd been more vocal and insistent when I was engaged; I think I wasn't confident enough myself with what I wanted. It would have taken much more conviction than I had to get my parents to buck convention and not have the typical Brooklyn wedding. I remember tentatively asking my parents if we could only have really close family and friends and keep the guest list down to 50 people. I wanted a wedding where I could meaningfully connect to people that I actually cared about. I also wanted to skip the whole dancing bit. I don't like dancing. My parents hugged me and laughed and said 'oh, DVOM, you can't have a wedding like that!' and proceded to plan me a typical Brooklyn wedding. Oh well. It was beautiful, and I was (and still am) grateful, but it wasn't the celebration I would have planned for myself. I have no idea how much it cost. Knowing my parents, I'm pretty sure that while it was on the simple end, it was more than they could afford.

I'm dreaming about planning quiet, small, homemade bar mitzvah's that are intimate and meaningful, but I don't know if I'll get that either. My boys will be old enough to have their own opinions on the matter....