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Monsey Cheder similar to Imrei Binah
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Jun 06 2019, 10:20 pm
amother [ Yellow ] wrote:
Hashkofa is a broad term and encompasses many nuances. Just because a person doesn't agree with 1, 2 or 3 things of a certain hashkafic lifestyle, it doesn't mean that the person is not aligned with the rest of that lifestyle. Especially as you head more towards the right, where the rules and expectations are more much rampant and rigid. If a person doesn't agree that the ideal that women shouldn't drive, or if a person believes that supervised and restricted internet access better prepares a child for the future, etc., it doesn't mean that she needs to drop all the rest of it just because of it. I would compare it to don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Life is not black and white, nor is it simple & straightforward. Even a group of people living the same hashkafic lifestyle have their differences. No matter what we are taught to do, people are not cookie cutters of one another. Should a person only remain within a certain hashkofa only if they agree to every single aspect of it? And if they agree with the majority of it, but have qualms about the minority of it, should they be forced to change their and their children's entire hashkafah just because of it?

I don't get this concept that is frequently thrown out on this board. You drive, you let your kids watch dvds, now you must drop the rest of your chassidish mesorah, and move over to a new community. I understand that if you're doing these things in an in-your-face type of behavior, then perhaps a person should re-evaluate their approach and lifestyle. But if I go about my behavior quietly, I.e. I drive out of town or I allow supervised internet here and there, and keep it on the down-low, I don't see a need to give up my entire mesorah. True, I have to be prepared for the consequences if something becomes public, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to find a school that would be the best fit for my kids within my hashkafic circles.

I find it sad though, that all these problems are only created because of this exclusive school systems that we have created in the name of yiddishkeit. This is not Torah, this is not yiddishkeit, nor is it halacha. This is just messed up frumkeit.


Your words are right on target. I couldn’t have said it better myself!!!
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Thu, Jun 06 2019, 10:24 pm
Another yellow love your post! So well said.
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amother




Jade


Post  Thu, Jun 06 2019, 10:34 pm
Amother Yellow, I totally agree with you, though I am not sure if you are advocating for or against openminded chassidish schools.
It is actually because of the reasons you stated that I send to Imrei Shefer. I know what I am doing is right and is for Hashem, and I like chassidus. I ask a rav before making any kind of changes. But society puts such pressure on us, that we end up feeling guilty and defending ourselves all the time. Like, no offense, but OP you keep defending yourself. Yes, some posters were harsh. But you know why you needed to let your kids watch sometimes for your sanity. You know that your kids don't have access without you, and that they are unaware it is the internet. You make choices for your children, and there is no need for you to feel it necessary to defend yourself to a bunch of amothers online.
That's why I wanted to send somewhere with good hashkafos but who trust the parents to make their own good choices for them and their families.
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amother




Slateblue


Post  Thu, Jun 06 2019, 10:58 pm
My neighbor sends to Imrei binah. It sounds to me quite a frum place - she would be mortified to hear kids watching on youtube.

I'd say first find out if they accept you. I've heard many times ppl discussing which mosad to send and they're not even aware that it's not easy to get in wherever they chose.

By the way, kids don't stay young and naiive forever. If they have access now, one day they'll be older and do it themselves, and they won't be watching Berentain Bears anymore.
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Thu, Jun 06 2019, 11:20 pm
To all Vien / Sanz / Imrei Binah / Bais Dovid mothers. If your sons school would know that you are on this blog, which is not for parnoso, because you do not get paid to be on this site, they would throw out your son from their school as per their own rules. So you don't think your sons school Hanhala has common sense / backbone so how do you trust them on a daily basis to deal with your precious son.
On the other hand, Imrei Shefers approach seems logical, the kids should not have access to the internet but they are not trying to educate / force the parents.
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amother




Amber


Post  Thu, Jun 06 2019, 11:27 pm
My kids moisad does not have any smartphone/internet rule for parents, Only for the kids. And I send to one of the mosdos you mentioned.
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Jun 06 2019, 11:32 pm
amother [ Amber ] wrote:
My kids moisad does not have any smartphone/internet rule for parents, Only for the kids. And I send to one of the mosdos you mentioned.


Do you mind sharing which mosed?
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Jun 06 2019, 11:41 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
There is no cheder similar so instead maybe tell us a little about your family so we can direct you. Are you Chassidish, if yes Yiddish or English speaking, Hungarian or not, do you exposed your kids to secular movies, do you drive, do you go with the flow, do you meant super frum etc..


Well, We are 'yidden' first and foremost. We love hashem and his Torah and mitzvahs. We abide by them completely. Our ideal is to learn the whole day, but of course life happens so it's not completely feasible. However, this is what we try to instill in our kids. We want them to get a decent secular education, because we find it important to have good job prospects, know about the world and how it operates, get some perspective and know our place in the world and learn to tolerate people from all walks of life. (We do not, however, value secular knowledge equally to Torah, although it's quite an achievement and certainly beats hanging around doing nothing).

That sums up our hashkafa in a nutshell.

All the other stuff to us, is just minutiae causing nausea. There are some things we completely disagree with I.e. banning women to drive. At the time and place it was enforced, the conditions were not remotely close to today's, hence nobody can make sense of it nowadays and explain it, but just force their flock to follow in order to get the most basic right in halacha, a Torah education for your kids.

Other shtusim we are less opinionated about, like 4 or 6 slice yarmulke. Is that what will be asked first at the bes din shel maluh? Still we have less of an issue going along with it. It doesn't really matter to us one way or another, but the thought that the cheder will ban it, feels suffocating.

It reminds me of the story of the Jewish soldier in WW1, who had been taken away from his wife and children and of course worried to death about them. One day his commander reprimanded him that his buttons are not polished enough etc. So the soldier replied: herr comandir, I wish I had your worries...

And so on, and so forth. For example tznius, while I wouldn't go out without stockings, as it's against our poskim (and of course I will teach my kids not to think less of those who adhere to other shitos), other than that I just feel there is so much energy wasted on things where there shouldn't be. There are so many self imposed chumras nobody needs and comes as a result of being hyper focused on tznius for ex. even though there’s nothing to it.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Fri, Jun 07 2019, 12:00 am
Ideally a school should open up and have loose rules but only accept very strong families. That they should be able to look into our hearts and see how sincere and Torahdik ahs Ehrlich but since that can't we either send to a "better" school and try to tow the line or stretch the rules or hide our stuff or we send to a "lesser" school and put our children at risk for falling below our own standards.

Nobody fits into a box and it's very hard.

In also think it's every parents right to make. My husband for example rather send a little more to the right bec he wants them to have a strong chinuch. and I rather send a little more to the left and be relaxed and be one of the frummer ones.
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amother




Jade


Post  Fri, Jun 07 2019, 12:11 am
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
Ideally a school should open up and have loose rules but only accept very strong families. That they should be able to look into our hearts and see how sincere and Torahdik ahs Ehrlich but since that can't we either send to a "better" school and try to tow the line or stretch the rules or hide our stuff or we send to a "lesser" school and put our children at risk for falling below our own standards.

Nobody fits into a box and it's very hard.

In also think it's every parents right to make. My husband for example rather send a little more to the right bec he wants them to have a strong chinuch. and I rather send a little more to the left and be relaxed and be one of the frummer ones.


That’s what impressed me so much about Imrei Shefer. So I sit down with the administrator and he asks “What are you looking for in a cheder?” He let me and my husband answer separately and also asked us “what would upset you if your son came home saying?”
I felt so heard. After an hour long meeting where he got to the bottom of our family’s hashkafos, he concluded the meeting and I asked if he wasn’t going to ask us for references. And he said “Why should I ask your neighbor about you? People can hide things on the street and I would rather hear from parents themselves who they are and what their goals are. There is no point in lying because it wouldn’t be beneficial to the child to be in a place where they don’t fit in.”
I was floored.
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crust




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 07 2019, 12:25 am
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
That’s what impressed me so much about Imrei Shefer. So I sit down with the administrator and he asks “What are you looking for in a cheder?” He let me and my husband answer separately and also asked us “what would upset you if your son came home saying?”
I felt so heard. After an hour long meeting where he got to the bottom of our family’s hashkafos, he concluded the meeting and I asked if he wasn’t going to ask us for references. And he said “Why should I ask your neighbor about you? People can hide things on the street and I would rather hear from parents themselves who they are and what their goals are. There is no point in lying because it wouldn’t be beneficial to the child to be in a place where they don’t fit in.”
I was floored.


That's amazing.
Who's their typical child? How many kids in a class? What's the level of learning? Are melamdim being paid? Is the mosed stable?
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crust




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 07 2019, 12:30 am
OP I'm sorry for the welcome on this thread.

I hope your move is with Hatzlacha and your kids (and you!) find freinds fast.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Jun 07 2019, 12:40 am
crust wrote:
OP I'm sorry for the welcome on this thread.

I hope your move is with Hatzlacha and your kids (and you!) find freinds fast.


Thank you for your kind words!
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amother




Jade


Post  Fri, Jun 07 2019, 12:44 am
crust wrote:
That's amazing.
Who's their typical child? How many kids in a class? What's the level of learning? Are melamdim being paid? Is the mosed stable?


Their typical (I will use chassidish chitzonies to describe it) kid has 4 slice kappel, dark color or black, maybe with design or name. Short short hair. But they have all types so there are also kids with 000 haircuts and 6 slice velvet and kids with chup and maroon designed kippa .
Their cap is 18 per class. They have a meeting with parents and tailor each kids chinuch according to what works for them (they asked me what kinds of rewards and consequences talk to my kid). Level learning AFAIK is high. And I hear yes on the last two, but don’t know behind the scenes.
It’s very high tuition but it’s worth every penny. I can’t tell you how happy I am.
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crust




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 07 2019, 1:00 am
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
Their typical (I will use chassidish chitzonies to describe it) kid has 4 slice kappel, dark color or black, maybe with design or name. Short short hair. But they have all types so there are also kids with 000 haircuts and 6 slice velvet and kids with chup and maroon designed kippa .
Their cap is 18 per class. They have a meeting with parents and tailor each kids chinuch according to what works for them (they asked me what kinds of rewards and consequences talk to my kid). Level learning AFAIK is high. And I hear yes on the last two, but don’t know behind the scenes.
It’s very high tuition but it’s worth every penny. I can’t tell you how happy I am.


I'm happy you are happy.
I was not refering to kappel size or looks. I'm sorry I wasn't clear.

What's their typical child's learning capability? Will a very academically inclined child find his place there?

What if its a smaller class than 18? Some children enjoy a bigger social circle than 12 children.

The truth is that I know the answers. I just wanted to make OP aware of what to ask.

I have no intention of debating this topic on this thread.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Jun 07 2019, 1:19 am
crust wrote:
I'm happy you are happy.
I was not refering to kappel size or looks. I'm sorry I wasn't clear.

What's their typical child's learning capability? Will a very academically inclined child find his place there?

What if its a smaller class than 18? Some children enjoy a bigger social circle than 12 children.

The truth is that I know the answers. I just wanted to make OP aware of what to ask.

I have no intention of debating this topic on this thread.


Crust, feel free to share your thoughts on this topic on here. I’m interested to hear them.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 07 2019, 6:04 am
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
Their typical (I will use chassidish chitzonies to describe it) kid has 4 slice kappel, dark color or black, maybe with design or name. Short short hair. But they have all types so there are also kids with 000 haircuts and 6 slice velvet and kids with chup and maroon designed kippa .
Their cap is 18 per class. They have a meeting with parents and tailor each kids chinuch according to what works for them (they asked me what kinds of rewards and consequences talk to my kid). Level learning AFAIK is high. And I hear yes on the last two, but don’t know behind the scenes.
It’s very high tuition but it’s worth every penny. I can’t tell you how happy I am.

I think the negative things people say about Imrei Shefer happen because they have changed over the years. I honestly only know happy people there besides someone that was kicked out. I actually went there with a child for an interview 10 yrs ago. At that time Rabbi Friedman was the menahel and he told us that based on who we were and where we were hashkafically we would be accepted. But he said my kid would feel like an outcast since he wears his peyos behind his ears and not curled in the front. To me that was a message that it wasn't for us, if this was the focus. However , I personally liked everything about the school.
I had my kids in five different chedarim/ yeshivas in Monsey.... none of them are perfect. Perfection doesn't exist. But you can still be overall happy and satisfied.
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