Fressing Guest | Imamother

Fox

Thu, Dec 27 2007, 11:26 pm

chana_f wrote:

I don't want to be mean, but I wonder about the wisdom of looking for a shidduch for this guy.

You make an excellent point. Truthfully, I've never redt a shidduch for him because of the issues you describe. On the other hand, I do believe that each of us has a zivug out there, and I have seen that sometimes happy marriages can occur even when one or both of the partners come with some baggage.

Going a bit off-topic, I've never understood people's desire to pair "nebach" with "nebach". I mean, just because one person perceives another in those terms doesn't mean *everyone* does. Maybe I just see things differently because I work in computers, where we have a high percentage of brilliant guys with dubious social capabilities and a fair number of girls, too. Often, these people just need to find someone who appreciates the "different drummer" to which they march, and it's often someone who *is* more attuned to social interaction.

Please understand that I'm not advocating random shidduchim for people with significant mental health problems or issues. I just think we're awfully quick to assign the "nebach" label.

HindaRochel

Sat, Dec 29 2007, 10:47 am

As to his fressing: Here are several ideas.
Get him to help serve. That way he can't grab all the food first.

Hand dh the platter, and let dh know that he should serve you first, and which piece you want (if you sit by him). Then he serves himself and then passes the platter to someone other than this man (if there are more than one guest). Alternately, set aside a serving for you and your helpers. (keep it in the oven) If he is not the only guest try making several platters of the same food and starting them on opposite ends. HAND the platters to different people. If your kids are serving instruct them to put a piece of food on the other servers plates first. (Honestly, one of the guests should do this. I alwasy make sure the hostess gets served if I'm serving nearby and most guests do the same for me.)

Serve family style but start food in different areas...so salad goes down one side while chicken goes down the other.

In terms of a shidduach, be up front with the woman. He has these and these faults. Every person has faults. Try and find someone who is socially skilled and can politely steer him in the right way. You could have a friend (male preferrably) model the behavior for him.. you would have to let this other person in on the plan and have him sit near your dh, another person on the other side of your dh (son etc), and the fresser next to "model". Model waits to take the plate from your dh's hands, checks to make sure the hostess was served "did your wife get yet? I was always taught that was polite" and then passes it to the guest.

Some men have never learned.

ange

Tue, Jan 08 2008, 11:46 am

chocolate moose wrote:

You cetainly are!

Maybe you're better off serving indiv. plates, with the food you can afford to serve. I never heard of taking more than one piece of fish !!!!

Great idea.

Instead of serving family style, serve pre-plated. This may even make the clean up easier as an added bonus.

Of course, you may just end up jumping up and down to refill his plate for doubles and triples, unless you say there's no more... Wink