Great comebacks you thought of too late

PeanutMama

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 12:18 pm

A good one when someone said to me once on shabbos, “I’m sorry but you’re not REALLY jewish.”

My reaction then: hurt, shocked, silence.

My comeback “well I'm more Jewish than you”

Okay really we’re all hashems children. But....

amother

Mint

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 12:57 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

I hope this doesn't come off as intrusive, and you don't have to answer, but in what context did this come up? Someone just randomly decided to say that? I just can't imagine someone thinking that this would make sense to say.

Amelia Bedelia

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 1:20 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Don't know, but does anyone who can make (or even believe) such a statement need an appropriate context to stick that in to a conversation? Anyone who thinks that's appropriate is seriously lacking social skills.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 1:36 pm

I was stuck in a pedicure chair next to the mother of a girl in DD's high school. She said oh, I guess your DD wouldn't be in the same classes as mine, with the clear implication that she thought my DD wasn't very smart.

I should have responded really? I thought your daughter would have been in advanced classes. But don't worry, I'm sure she'll still be OK.

Instead I rolled my eyes and ignored her.

Amelia Bedelia

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 1:42 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

Why? I think a better comeback would've been that YOUR DD should have been in the advanced class, implying that your DD is brighter than hers.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 1:44 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

Why? I think a better comeback would've been that YOUR DD should have been in the advanced class, implying that your DD is brighter than hers.

The implication of what I should have said is that my DD was in advanced classes (she actually was, for a few), and I was suprised her's wasn't.

Amelia Bedelia

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 1:51 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

The implication of what I should have said is that my DD was in advanced classes (she actually was, for a few), and I was suprised her's wasn't.

Ah... I get it. I guess we're really saying the same thing

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 5:05 pm

When people ask what's wrong with my autistic son, I'm always tempted to say, "Does Hashem make mistakes? So how could something be wrong with him?"
My oldest had terrible eczema as a baby. MIL once said that she gets nauseous looking at him. I said, "If that's the case, we won't come anymore."
MIL used to drive me crazy that I should put autistic ds in a group home. She stopped when I said that we're looking into nursing homes for her.
Once when MIL was going on about how ds is an embarrassment to the family and will never accomplish anything with his life (while ds was sitting right in front of her crying,) I told my nonverbal kid that when he is valedictorian at his college graduation, he needs to start his speech by saying, "Savti, you were wrong!"
When people complain that ds is too loud, I'm tempted to tell him that he's not loud enough. Once, when someone was giving me a hard time about his volume, I said that he communicates through sounds, and I will never tell him to hold back his communication.
Last year, some people in my building started a rumor that I lock ds on the porch all night, and that he keeps screaming "Mommy, mommy," but I ignore him. When confronted with that rumor, I said that I want to meet the person who heard him say, mommy. If I ever hear him say mommy, you can guarantee that I won't ignore him.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 5:16 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

Last year, some people in my building started a rumor that I lock ds on the porch all night, and that he keeps screaming "Mommy, mommy," but I ignore him. When confronted with that rumor, I said that I want to meet the person who heard him say, mommy. If I ever hear him say mommy, you can guarantee that I won't ignore him.

Sometimes I hate people.

Years ago, someone took my friend's son and marched him over to another friend (who was watching him at the time) and complained that the child had said a curse word. No he didn't, the friend said. Lady became more and more irate, practically spitting nails, insisting he cursed and how terrible it was that her kids heard it. Finally, friend answered. He has a speech impediment. He can't make those sounds. We'd love it if he said that, but he didn't.

raich

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 5:36 pm

So this wasn't a comeback I myself said, but I heard this story from a friend and have been using the "comeback" all the time since.

Some lady said to my friend's father, "So-and-so, you're BALD!" He ran over to the nearest mirror, clapped his hand to his head, and exclaimed, "Huh! Must have just happened!"

We use this line all the time when someone says something dumb.

FYI there's a word "Treppenwitz" in German that defines this phenomenon of thinking of the perfect comeback a little too late. It's translated as "staircase joke" as in, the line you think of only as you're already back in the stairwell.

PeanutMama

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 6:09 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

It’s alright, I’ll explain:

So I made my geirus with a very chareidi beis din.
This person said before that my conversion will never be accepted by frum jews and that I should contact rabbi ____ for an RCA geirus.

I pushed it off and eventually as I started dating my husband I completely forgot about it so I never did it.
I still won’t do it because I’m married and my husband accepts my geirus anyway.

I’m told it’s all political and its nonsense...

PeanutMama

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 6:18 pm

Another one:

I was at a store shopping for tops and I finally found one that I really liked. The top was a nice blue color and it was gorgeous on me.
So I went to pay.
Lady says: “no don’t get that one your skin is too tanned for that shirt — people are going to look at you.”

I am naturally medium brown lol so to anybody I’d look like I got a good nice “tan”.

I say “Okay.”

I left the store without the shirt and I should’ve said “aww, you like my “tan”? At least I’m not at high risk of getting skin cancer like your pasty white self.”

Nasty I know but I was MAAAAAD

iluvy

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 8:24 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

The Rambam in Mishne Torah says that Jews are רחמנים, ביישנים, וגומלי חסדים, and that one may question the yichus of anyone who does not display those traits.

I would say, "I'm doubtful about the Jewish status of anyone who could make a cruel remark like that."

PeanutMama

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 8:25 pm

iluvy wrote:

Smart!

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:05 pm

Someone I know used to harp on and on about how homeschooled people don't have social skills and he would never homeschool his kids. He knew I was homeschooled.

One day I lost patience and I told him 'that's a really rude thing to say, did you learn these social skills you're demonstrating in school? Because I'm not impressed.'

I'm Moroccan and a lot of people constantly make comments about how I must be angry all the time.

Once I said, well you would be too if people kept calling you angry all the time

Another time I said, "that may be true but at least we are honest people and don't smile to peoples' faces and then be passive aggressive snakes behind their backs" to a person who is a passive aggressive snake. It sounded better in Hebrew.

Another time my boss said I was being difficult so I must be getting my period so I asked him "actually, I'm not. what's your excuse for being an a@@hole?" That was the end of that job.

singleagain

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:21 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

Another time my boss said I was being difficult so I must be getting my period so I asked him "actually, I'm not. what's your excuse for being an a@@hole?" That was the end of that job.

I'm sorry if that ended your job. His job should have ended for asking that .. But omg that is an absolutely brilliant reply!

Zehava

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:25 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

Funny you say that. Because I found Morocco to be one of the warmest, kindest places I’ve ever been to. I didn’t see the anger at all. Lots of smiling and dancing though. I know Moroccan men have a bad rap as husbands but I’ve never heard anyone refer to the women as angry.
I’m guessing you live in Israel. The discrimination against sefardim is so beyond sad. They have so much to teach us.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:40 pm

Totally giving myself away here.... my 6 year old DD is super confident and has a very healthy self esteem BH. This year she decided she wanted to donate her hair to cancer children. We made a whole thing out of it and she looked adorable in her bob. First day back at school with her short hair a girl in her class started making fun of her that she looks like a bubby. Without missing a beat, my little 6 year old pushes her glasses down her nose and says “hello my dear grandchildren!” No one ever said a word about her short hair again. I’m super proud of her and wish I had an ounce of her self confidence....