Most awkward things people said to you

amother

Coffee

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:36 am

We were at the heme/onc discussing a medication potentially for lifelong. I asked the doc “this may seem funny as she’s so young now(kid was maybe 14 mo then & we knew there wasn’t much choice so was only a matter of being informed of long term side effects) but as her mom Im thinking about her future, and does this effect fertility?”
Doctor turns to me and says “you first have to have with whom she should get pregnant” in other words, no one will want to marry her like this.
I was so mad & should’ve just said to her- does it look like we’re neglecting getting care for her?? (Never mind this was after multiple surgeries plus)

Another comment I recently got was from my mil when sharing something of our medical roller coaster, she said “I don’t want to hear, I don’t want to know” she can’t handle hearing “tzuris” and doesn’t wAnt to get “educated” on medical details...

amother

Copper

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 8:43 am

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

I've said this story plenty times over so if you've heard it already...... Hi!!!!

I was at a wedding, during the meal, I was sitting with a few relatives and one of them pipes up to me: how many kids do you have?
I answered: 2
Relative: 2? Don't you have 3?
(Mind you this was after a second mis in a row and I had been farther along and had already put on maternity. This wedding was a couple months after)
Me: ummmm.... No, I have 2
Relative: oh no, you have 3
(I realized that she wasn't going to accept no as an answer and I wasnt in the mood of telling all the yentas at the table who were tuning in the story so....)
Me: listen relative, I dont know what to tell you, when I left home with the babysitter there, there were 2 kids, maybe a 3rd one popped up out of nowhere, I will find out when I go home, but as of right now, there's 2 kids waiting for me.
She zipped it and changed topics

I took that idea from a diff relative of mine. This is going back more than 30 years when payphone cost a dime. He was waiting on line at the pizza store and someone who had walked in tells him very loudly: heyyyyy..... I know you! Your name is so and so and you just got divorced. Relative was like huh? Im not that guy and Im not divorced. The other guy just kept arguing back that he is that guy who just got divorced!! Relative realized the whole store stood still and was waiting an answer so he tells the guy: listen, when I left my house to come here, I know I was still married. Give me a dime, lemme call my wife, maybe she decided to divorce me in the meantime that I went out!!
You can bet that guy closed his mouth!

I had the opposite. 2 relatives at same simcha telling me I have 1 child when I introduced them to my 2 ka"h. When they realized they were wrong, they brushed off the younger one (not so little, was offended!!) and said well I don't know this one, and walked away.

amother

Blush

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:00 pm

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

I have a child with Down syndrome. My in laws totally disregarded him from the family. They ignored him when they saw him. Even when he was a baby and we went over to say Hi or at simchas, it was as if he didn't exist.
Now they love him, but in my dictionary, they don't exist in my life anymore...

Wish I could hug you for that one!

mfb

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:13 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

This didn’t happen to me but I witnessed it.
I was in a clothing store in Brooklyn waiting to pay for an item. The woman ahead of me was buying a lot, like an entire wardrobe. (She was a woman with a shaitel who looked about 40 years old) The man was ringing up piece after piece and the bill was getting high. Finally when the store owner was done and he saw the total he said, “I’m sorry, I can’t sell all this to you before you ask your husband if it’s okay.” The woman who was taking out her checkbook answered, “I’m not sure who you can ask because I don’t have a husband at the moment.” The store owner apologized and explained that it’s happened that sometimes husbands insist that their wives return clothing if they spent too much and they have even gotten angry at him for making the sale.
(I don’t think he will ever ask someone to check with her husband again after that)

The reason the store owner did this is probably cause he was burnt to many times getting things back when the husband received the credit card bill a while after the items were bought. I heard from someone that saw this happen in a store. A husband bought back over $1,000 worth of children’s clothing and told the store even though its past the timeframe I need you to take it back since it’s impossible for me to pay this....

amother

Smokey

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:14 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

Another comment I recently got was from my mil when sharing something of our medical roller coaster, she said “I don’t want to hear, I don’t want to know” she can’t handle hearing “tzuris” and doesn’t wAnt to get “educated” on medical details...

I hate to say it, but I get this. I have both a MIL and a dd who share every detail with me, and I get completely overloaded. With MIL, it's usually TMI, and with dd, there's just too much pain. I know about the issues, I will babysit to help, I will listen to and take in all the info I need to take care of the kid. But hearing about each doctor every appointment is overload for me. And sometimes it's easier to relate to my grandkid as a regular person vs a diagnosis when I'm not always hearing about it.

Part of it is how I grew up- my parents didn't share much with their parents, so as not to burden them with constant worry. (One set were survivors, the other went trough the depression, and they needed to focus on their kids having a good life.) My parents do the same with me, and I with them.

amother

Violet

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:49 pm

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

Wow, I never thought of it this way! Now I wonder if my parents would like to hear less....
As a parent of a child with a diagnosis, I do constantly update about issues and appointments, just because I need someone to share my burden with emotionally. I guess I should get myself a therapist Speechless

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:58 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

I’m so sorry you are going through such an ordeal.
As much as I would like to share with my parents for the support, I try keeping details, and pain to a minimum. As kibud av I try to minimize their pain.
Parents hate watching their child suffer and even more so as the grandparents.
Keep strong and yes there is support, find people that are going through something similar. It really helps.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 2:19 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

I think there are differences between different people. I imagine there are many who like knowing everything and feel more connected that way. There may be others who are ok with it because it's important to them for their child to be able to share everything, and they deal with the effects ok. If your parents and in laws are communicators, I would ask. If not, keep your eyes and ears open for it. Or if you reduce what you tell, you can see how they react to that.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 2:49 pm

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

Nope. Not sharing tmi. Very generic info she can’t handle.
OTOH, my mom gets insulted & thinks I’m hiding things if I don’t share Every. Single. Detail. & quite frankly, I’m not interested either because the comments I get (because she obvs can’t handle it too) are so insane, that I have to downplay everything and NOT share every appt, test, imaging etc happening...

amother

Plum

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 8:25 pm

I was going through an emotionally difficult time after I gave birth to my baby.
The pain and trauma of the passing of my previous baby had resurfaced.
I felt very isolated in my pain and had no one to share it with.

When I met a close relative during this difficult period, I opened up to her about my pain, thinking she may be able to empathize since her daughter had also suffered the loss of a baby.

She responded by telling me that her daughter had it worse than me, and explained how she had it worse.
I guess she thinks she’s G-d and she knows exactly what I went through.
Instead of feeling better, I went home in tears.

amother

Peach

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 9:11 pm

I took my baby to the doctor after he had 3 stomach viruses in 3 weeks. I mentioned to the doctor that my kids keep getting sick with different things that are going around (not in a complaining way, very matter of fact).

He said, "so don't have more kids!"

I am noticeably pregnant (though I'm not sure if he realized that), so I was very offended.

amother

Blush

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 10:13 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

I was telling a friend how much my mother would have like to have seen her granchildren get married she would always ask how their dating was going and if they had nice enough clothes
she recently died my friend said you will hear good news soon { children getting married )

What’s wrong with that? If your children are of marriageable age, don’t you want to hear good news soon?