So confused about going to parents/in laws for pesach

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Ema of 5

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 10:21 pm

[quote="Geulanow"]

tichellady wrote:

I’m not in Lakewood but here everyone is doing their own pesach. Our rabbi just gave us many leniencies to make it possible for us[and/quote]
What leniencies?

I’m going to guess that they were specific to her area and circumstances, not meant to be shared with everyone. You need to speak to your own rav.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 10:25 pm

My married children wanted to come. I said we'll all regret it deeply if chas vesholom even one person gets sick because of this gathering. I'm iyH (if I'll feel well iyH) cooking and freezing most in advance so I can send most food to my children who live in different cities.

I deeply regret going to a large family gathering on Purim. I had thought then: "I must stay home. This is crazy that everyone is going out. The danger is extreme. But, ahhh, everyone will think I'm crazy for being the only one to stay home on Purim".

So I went and deeply regret not doing what I thought would protect me and my family.

OP, do what's safe and you won't regret it.

lovetobemommy

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 10:29 pm

Pesach is so nice and beautiful at home, really you will feel much better afterwards!

mig100

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 10:30 pm

I got the same reaction when I told friends and family I may be making pesach " what you are making pesach? You are not going to your parents who live nearby?"

Umm.....

Mommyg8

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 10:39 pm

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

https://www.thelakewoodscoop.com/news/2020/03/joint-statement-to-the-orthodox-community-regarding-pesach.html

I don't see that it says here anything about not going to parents.

amother

Blush

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 10:40 pm

I live in brooklyn and my parent are begging us to come to their seder. They are under 60 and we live 5 short blocks away we usually walk it with are kids. We don't either know what to do

amother

Pewter

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 10:49 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

I don't see that it says here anything about not going to parents.

U see nothing wrong with having a bunch of siblings go r parents????

Mommyg8

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 10:52 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

U see nothing wrong with having a bunch of siblings go r parents????

Huh? That's what I said?

There are a lot of different scenarios and bunches of different families going to parents together is just one option among about a thousand different variables.

I was talking in general terms.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 10:52 pm

Can everyone on this thread who is making the hard, right decision to stay home, help me on all the other threads where I seem to be the only one defending common sense? It’s amazing how many excuses there are when you put your mind to it Banging head

amother

Oak

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 11:33 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

I live in brooklyn and my parent are begging us to come to their seder. They are under 60 and we live 5 short blocks away we usually walk it with are kids. We don't either know what to do

After everything you've been reading you still don't know what to do?
Stay home. It's that simple. Your parents are not being smart about this.
Why does the same question keep coming up?

Mommyg8

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 11:38 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

After everything you've been reading you still don't know what to do?
Stay home. It's that simple. Your parents are not being smart about this.
Why does the same question keep coming up?

Because... maybe everyone's been sick already. Or... if both parents and kids were under self imposed quarantine for two weeks each they're both safe.

It's really not a black and white situation for everybody.

amother

Pewter

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 11:43 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Nothing is black and white in life..we are talking life and death here you know

Mommyg8

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 11:46 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

Nothing is black and white in life..we are talking life and death here you know

If you really mean that then you should have been in quarantine starting a month ago. Were you?

amother

Maroon

Mon, Mar 23 2020, 11:57 pm

lovetobemommy: your post is beautiful and true.

we have 3 kids, working full time, making pessach every year for the past 10 years BUT this time elderly relatives will not come, rather stay alone which tears my heart. I will send food , thats all I can do Sad

how sad. we usually have full house on pessach, bochrim, family, neighbors, friends, widdows, divorcees, students... u name it. im anxious about being 'alone' with dh and the kids (im grateful we have each other!!!), but it is far from normal, and knowing that my fil will be alone for seder, my uncle will be alone, my dear mother will sit alone, dh's aunts will sit alone (all these relatives are over 75), some are in not so good condition, some dont know how to rund a seder...it really amkes me sad.

my friends who stay home for the first time (young kolel familes for example) we cook for some, we share pots (shops here are closed and amazon doesnt ship many items anymore - we live in europe), for some singles we make food boxes for the seudot , tomchey shabbos helps those who lost jobs/can afford food.

please stay home you do the right thing. you do a very difficult thing.

(please excuse my bad english)

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 12:06 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Incubation can be longer than 14 days in some cases even 21 days. 14 is used as an average. And even small exposures in letsay 14 days of quarantine like handling packages or bringing in mail time a thousand people going to relatives for pesach thinking they've been careful in full quarantine can cause virus to spread enough that the respirators run out. If people don't stay home the curve will not flatten enough and more people will die.

People saying to quarantine now for two weeks and then go are spreading dangerous misinformation so just stop. Thanks.

amother

Natural

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 12:07 am

lovetobemommy wrote:

Pesach is so nice and beautiful at home, really you will feel much better afterwards!

ITA. The kids thrive at their own seder table with their father. They get undivided attention during the entire night, and it really brings home everything they learned.

If you stick to the basics of making pesach, the work is completely manageable.

amother

Jade

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 12:14 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I really don't get it right now. I'm convinced that I'm making pesach (3 little kids and pregnant) for the first time and trying to figure out how to make it happen while working remotely and entertaining my kids etc. I took a 'poll' of my friends and family. from about 10 its only me and one other family that I know that;s making pesach! I'm in lakewood. these are all 'young kollel families;

from the ones I asked-we are all pretty much in the same situation. pregnant or not, with 2 to 4 little kids at home, never made pesach before etc.

everyone is just saying 'what?? your making pesach? you just go to your parents/inlaws and figure it out! mostly everyone will have had the virus by then anyways etc etc

just to note that all these families that are going to host their kids do not have anyone above 55 in their homes. meaning no grandparents will be there. still. I'm so confused about everyone going?!

no bashing please-I'm just trying to understand why I'm the crazy one here!

I spoke to relatives today (and aunt and uncle) who told me they are being extra careful with quarantine now - and so are their kids and grandkids - so that they can all be together Pesach. Extra careful? Unless they aren't even going out for food it's not a true quarantine and sounds risky. Aunt and uncle are in their early 70s.

On the other hand, I wonder how we ever come out of quarantine so long as we are doing social distancing and not true "don't even walk out your front door ever for anything" quarantine... which is impossible to ask of the world population??? Nobody seems to be able to confirm that the recovered people can't get it again. So where does this end?

amother

Mint

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 12:41 am

This is hard, really hard. I will admit that I've never yet made Pesach. I am not an organized person or a particularly good housewife. I am extremely daunted by the thought of making Pesach for the first time completely on my own rather than gradually starting with a few days of chol hamoed and then adding the last days and then making sedarim too.

I don't have a single pot or pan in the house that is Pesachdik and the stores that usually carry that type of thing in my area like Amazing Savings have closed. I have no idea how to use a ceramic kitchen sink if I can't get sink inserts or basins or how to do even simple cooking without basic cooking implements.

I have no idea how to suddenly clean for Pesach with kids underfoot when we were planning on just closing up the house and selling our chametz. At least being stuck at home gives us more opportunities to empty our pantry and freezer to make room for the Pesach food I have no idea how we're going to buy.

We were supposed to go to my in laws. They are above the age of 65 and until today they kept telling us to come. Now they're all freaked out about the latest guidelines and are hesitating. I am sitting shiva and can't really make any decisions at the moment, but as DH says, we will do whatever we have to do. If that means staying home and making Pesach with all the challenges that I mentioned above, then that is what we will do. Somehow. We'd rather do that than risk the lives of my husband's parents and the grandparents of our children.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 12:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You do what you need to do and don't worry about anyone else. People make their own choices. Most of the time it turns out fine.

mig100

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 1:03 am

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

Which threads?

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