12 yr old DD shave for camp?

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 11:10 am

Yes, please buy her a razor and show her how to do it, and then let her decide when she is ready.

My mom refused to buy me even after I asked, insisting I was too young.

I was mortified and had no way of purchasing for myself. Crying

sequoia

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 11:12 am

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

It is.
It is not considered socially acceptable for a woman to be seen with underarm or leg hair. When you swim in public it’s a bit repulsive to show a dark bush of underarm hair. Same for hairy legs..

Why is the same fine for men?

Asking seriously.

Like, it’s not okay for any gender to be dirty, smelly, or gross at the public pool.

So why is body hair on women specifically a problem?

amother

Teal

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 11:49 am

sequoia wrote:

Why is the same fine for men?

Asking seriously.

Like, it’s not okay for any gender to be dirty, smelly, or gross at the public pool.

So why is body hair on women specifically a problem?

I say this all the time, but no one agrees with me.
When I swim at the public beach, I don't think twice about how long or short or existent or non existent my body hair is.
When I swim at my aunt's pool or at the community pool I do make sure I'm mostly shaved (especially underarms) because I don't want to be the "weird" one or "disgusting" one.
Whenever I try asking why it's acceptable on men and not on women I just get called a liberal, or shut down, or told "do what you want but I find it ugly".

That all being said, I would teach my daughter and give her the equipment (skintimate gel/ cream, a razor) cuz the same way my body, my choice, it's her body, her choice.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 11:55 am

sequoia wrote:

Why is the same fine for men?

Asking seriously.

Like, it’s not okay for any gender to be dirty, smelly, or gross at the public pool.

So why is body hair on women specifically a problem?

Good question, no good answer. That's just the way it has become. You don't necessarily need to follow the norms if you don't want to.

Also, an interesting point is that a razor is considered beged ish for a man, because it was considered a "womanly" thing to shave.

So you see that women (and not men) removing body hair is an old, old idea.

Doesn't answer your question, but just shows that its not a new concept.

amother

Coffee

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 12:07 pm

I 100% agree with sequoia!
I dont think body hair is ugly, unhygienic , repulsive...
My mother is an amazing physician, brilliant reputation, very loved, liked, humorous, put together and smells normal- she never removed any body hair.

that being said: I didnt have the courage to walk in her shoes. I would have been the odd one out. ALL my friends/classmates shaved at the age of 11 and so did I, because I just didnt have the guts to be DIFFERENT. I am pale, blond with very little hair (no bush, no leg hair at all) and STILL before giving birth or before a medical exam I always remove my body hair. DH doesnt mind at all if I dont remove it.

If I swim on my own I dont care, in company ALWAYS. I just dont have the guts to be the odd one. which is sad. why on earth do social norms pressurize me ??? I wish I was a stronger character.

I will definitely teach my daughters techniques how to remove body hair and leave it up to them completely. Just like I will teach them tampons/pads/diva cups, and leave the decision up to them. I guess it is my responsibility as their motehr to introduce them and tell them that however they decide IT IS OK!!!!

sigree

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 12:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This will be my 12 yr old dd's first year in sleep-away-camp (yes, they're opening). The camp is in the midwest, so probably a bigger mix of out-of-towners than NYers if that makes a difference. She has not shaved (legs, underarms) until now, but I'm wondering if I should teach her how and have her start shaving for camp? What do most girls do at this age? It would be terrible if she's the only girl her age who shows up to the pool with hairy legs!

I was also the one person in my bunk whose mother didn't tell her to shave and it was horrible. Just give her the option without saying that body hair is gross etc.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 12:37 pm

I gave DD a razor and some shaving gel. She got a book on puberty that discussed body hair options, including leaving the hair alone naturally. There was no shame in any option, it was just what the girl was comfortable with.

DD is blonde and pale, and after her first "run in" with a razor, she decided that she'd "go natural" and just let her be the way Hashem made her. If anyone has a problem with it, that's their problem. It's fine for her, because that's her confidence level. Not every girl will feel the same way.

When my sister was 12, she was very pale, but had thick, dark brown hair all over her legs and arms. She has shaved both arms and legs every day since the first day she was allowed, because she got tired of other kids calling her a "gorilla".

Venus razors are the best, IMHO. The do a really good job, and are the safest. Make sure that she has proper shaving gel, and not just using soap.

The most important thing, is that you have an absolutely neutral attitude towards body hair. It's her body, she's changing and growing, and she doesn't need any more baggage added on. Starting puberty and having social pressure is more than most kids can handle, without any extra pressure.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 12:58 pm

I showed my girls how to shave their legs, then offered to buy them razors. They said no because they were “awkwarded out.” So I kept a few new razors up high in the bathroom so they could help themselves if they changed their mind. Both ended up starting at camp with razors they brought from home.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Jun 02 2020, 1:26 pm

I bought my DD a (battery operated) shaver when she was 12. She has extremely sensitive skin so shaving creams/gels/lotions were going to be a problem.

I discussed shaving with her (before I bought it) & told her it was her choice. I did tell her what I had done, just so she would know.

I started shaving in 6th grade & stopped in 7th. I had a teacher (non jewish, in public school- she was quite a character, very ‘proper’ in some ways but totally real) who told us that if you never shave, eventually, your legs stop growing hair. I decided to experiment & see if stopping would do the same. By 10th or 11th grade, my legs were smooth. I do have some underarm hair, but not a huge bush. I’ve always worn t-shirts or sleeved bathing suits, so swimming has never been an issue.

I think she shaves sometimes but I don’t discuss it unless she mentions it.