Do you say hello to male neighbors?

thunderstorm

Tue, Aug 11 2020, 8:18 pm

Seems like I grew up in a different world . My mother always greets her male neighbors. Some will only nod, some will say “Hello Mrs. So and So” and some will say “How’s it going ? How are your kids? Need help?”... these are all Chasidish men.

I always greet everyone. But I’ve since learned that it all depends on the man. My brothers are all greeters . We are a very friendly bunch and we greet and say hi to everyone we meet practically.
When my brother visited us for Shabbos he passed by a bunch of neighborhood women sitting together. He said a bright and cheery “Gut Shabbos” and the women were horrified and didn’t respond. My DH is more reserved and wouldn’t respond. But I believe in greeting people and giving a smile.

ExtraCredit

Tue, Aug 11 2020, 8:26 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Oops! Feel bad for your brother!

amother

Blonde

Tue, Aug 11 2020, 9:01 pm

I am from OOT where you certainly greet (and even make small talk) with everybody.

I went to high school in NY and Chicago. In NY I had to learn not to say Good Shabbos to anyone except people I knew, because if you say Good Shabbos to a girl you don't know, you will get a real look.

In Chicago, I had to relearn saying Good Shabbos to everyone (male and female) except for bochurim!

ExtraCredit

Tue, Aug 11 2020, 9:12 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Actually, no. He found it humorous and repeated Gut Shabbos again so that they could squirm some more 😀. That’s my brother.

Oh ok!

I’d ignore such a guy too LOL

JK I’d invite him for a meal!

singleagain

Tue, Aug 11 2020, 9:53 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Yes it’s simple, the Torah says lo sarbeh sicha Im ha’isha

The Torah also says "וֶהֱוֵי מְקַבֵּל אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת:"

Greet every person with a pleasant face.

And why the word Adam/אדם / person. Bc every human deserves a kind face. A smile. A polite hello.

amother

Salmon

Tue, Aug 11 2020, 11:05 pm

I greet anyone unless it seems like he would prefer that females are invisible. (I am JPF living in lakewood) So does the rest of my family and my immediate circles anyhow. Greeting doesn’t mean flirting!

This whole concept honestly reminds me of the concept that it is forbidden to add mitzvos. (Bal tosif?) it was wrong that adam told chava she couldn’t touch the tree. Because when right turns into wrong problems happen.

If woman cannot exist unless married to one, then all of a sudden existing is s-xual? Thats how it seems. All of a sudden saying excuse me because a guy cut me in line is a s-xual advancement on my end because interaction is not allowed?

amother

Blue

Tue, Aug 11 2020, 11:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My dh brought this up to me and I looked around and see it's true.

I live in a neighborhood with lots of frum ppl and also lots of non-Jews. The frum women who live on my block (and in the general area) say hello to the non-Jewish men when they meet outside, and sometimes have a short conversation. For example, how are you, what do you think of this weather etc.

On the other hand, when they meet a Jewish man, they ignore him completely. No hello, no nod, nothing.

My husband is not looking to be friends with them, but he wonders why he's treated like he doesn't exist. "Why are Jewish men are treated worse than non-Jewish men? Why no common courtesy?"

Can anyone explain?

Because ignoring a non religious neighbour may look rude. They don’t understand so it may be a chillul Hashem.
But Jewish men do understand that you’re not being rude.
Also, we don’t care how it affects the non religious men, they’re probably completely desensitized to women’s greetings anyway, but even if not.
But we do care about our men which are hopefully more pure and therefore more sensitive to friendliness coming from a woman.
In fact, Shlomis bas divri was called that (in mitzrayim) because she always said hello to all the men. It is not written as praise about her but rather as criticism.

amother

Oak

Tue, Aug 11 2020, 11:47 pm

op, whats your opinion on the matter? do you want your husband getting greeted day in day out by your frum beautiful young attractive neighbors? I'm more than glad to be the first woman to say hello to him every day when he gets home...

I'm confused why you're actually finding it hard to explain it to him, are you and him new to the community?

That being said, somehow age fixes this most of the time. My very frum mom has no issue greeting and chatting with all frum neighbors in a not weird way...

amother

Lime

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 12:12 am

Agree that it's a meshugas from today's generation.

My father, who has a long gray beard and is a respected Rav, would never ever walk past a neighbor he knows without greeting them. Briefly, but still a greeting. And he was like this when he was younger too, for as long as I can remember.

Can't say the same for most of the men in DH's circles...

amother

Blue

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 12:29 am

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

My father too, with a long white beard, and he was like that when he was younger as well.
But I realized it creeps out the younger generation sometimes even 40 year olds who are not used to it. because today the accepted way is not to.
I think it depends on the norms of each place.
Minhag hamakom.
He’s from Western Europe where it was accepted as basic menchlichkeit..

amother

Taupe

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 1:50 am

I grew up modern yeshivish, we said hello and chatted with everybody. Jews, non jews, men and women. I dont remember any men ignoring women or vice versa.
I now live in a 100% religious community in Israel with a huge mix of hashkafot- DL, dati lite, American yeshivish, chabad, etc.
We all say hello and chat with each other.
Totally not an issue.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 4:08 am

I have occasionally shaken hands with non Jewish male vendors and clients who would have been insulted if I didn't.
I have never shaken hands with a frum male client or vendor. I hope your husband isn't insulted.

malki2

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 5:36 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

You've cracked the code! Yael makes sure that all trolls get the "burlywood" color. Since you've figured it out, that obviously means that you've been spending way too much time on Imamother. Wink

LOL and I definitely agree with you on the latter.

moonstone

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 6:01 am

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

First of all, Jewish men aren't "pure" - certainly not as a group. Individually, they're no more or less "pure" than men from any other group. What does "pure" even mean to you? People aren't pure.

And don't you think it would be better to "desensitize" your "pure" men to women's greetings so that a simple hello isn't turned into "omg, she has the hots for me!" in their head? Wouldn't it be a nicer world if men and women could greet each other simply as 2 members of the human race? I find this overzexualizing of the opposite gender extremely disturbing. In my world, men and women say hello. We even <gasp> have conversations, and the sky hasn't fallen yet.