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Do schools give financial aid to families with one income?
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amother




Crimson
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 2:02 pm
amother [ Slategray ] wrote:
What if one spouse is in graduate school?


I was expected to work. It’s the loss income while going to school just the graduate school tuition that added up.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 2:05 pm
Are there really families who have an able bodied parent who stays home even if all the kids are in school and then ask for financial assistance?
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 2:12 pm
I think also depending on the age spread day most parents I know stop with day care and end up hiring a full day sitter in the home which gets really expensive. If you only have a few little kids day care works but if you have a toddler and say a 10 year old who cant be home alone after school you have to find someone in the home. That adds up.
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avrahamama




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 2:16 pm
watergirl wrote:
Are there really families who have an able bodied parent who stays home even if all the kids are in school and then ask for financial assistance?


From the outside it looks like it. But it's rarely the case.

There are families hiding that they are dealing with a child with mental illness and only select rabbanim in the board know and can vouch for them, or a parent that has an issue they don't share publicly, there is always something.

BH the people who make the decisions to help are rachmanim and know that if someone is asking them it means they need for whatever reason.

Many of the families in my community have husbands that travel for weeks/months on end. These children are essentially raised by mom and see dad once a month. I have friends who have given birth alone while their husbands were on business trips.

Then I have friends that both have white class jobs, and they're drowning. They owe the school for over a year and are embarrassed. Embarrassed to ask. Embarrassed to even make a payment plan.

If you need. Just ask. And if they can help they will. One of the board members offered a parent a job! He didn't know the parent was looking for work. Once he saw that he was happy to give him work.

We can all help each other. that's the point.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 2:30 pm
avrahamama wrote:
From the outside it looks like it. But it's rarely the case.

There are families hiding that they are dealing with a child with mental illness and only select rabbanim in the board know and can vouch for them, or a parent that has an issue they don't share publicly, there is always something.

BH the people who make the decisions to help are rachmanim and know that if someone is asking them it means they need for whatever reason.

Many of the families in my community have husbands that travel for weeks/months on end. These children are essentially raised by mom and see dad once a month. I have friends who have given birth alone while their husbands were on business trips.

Then I have friends that both have white class jobs, and they're drowning. They owe the school for over a year and are embarrassed. Embarrassed to ask. Embarrassed to even make a payment plan.

If you need. Just ask. And if they can help they will. One of the board members offered a parent a job! He didn't know the parent was looking for work. Once he saw that he was happy to give him work.

We can all help each other. that's the point.


You are bringing up people who have a need and not what I mentioned in the post you replied to. Others you brought up can still work.

The ones who have a kid with an illness or they themselves have an illness are not who I was referring to. I said able bodied.

Someone with a spouse who works out of town can still work during school hours. Yes it is hard. It would be up to the school to decide like in any other situation.

The friends that you have who are working and drowning is hard and many of us can relate to that. What does that have to do with what I asked?

Yes of course if you need, ask. Someone who needs but would NOT need if the stay at home parent was able to get a job should not ask. ABLE is the key word. I was very clear, I thought. Someone who can not work can not work. Having said that, I think we have all seen the people here who comment "I have no patience for a job" "I need to keep my house clean and make dinners and be available for my kids when they come home from school, I cant work". That is not at all the same as "my kid has this illness, I have that illness", or whatever.
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saw50st8




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 3:09 pm
watergirl wrote:
Are there really families who have an able bodied parent who stays home even if all the kids are in school and then ask for financial assistance?


In the 90s I think it was much more common. After the financial devastation in the 2000s, schools needed to really tighten who they could give because many donors could no longer donate at the same level. I think nowadays it is definitely more rare.

I also think that the excuse of a job only covering childcare is a poor one because usually you build your career. So you may not get much more out of your job than childcare when they are young, but you are working towards upward mobility. If you start when your kids are all in school, your salary will be starting lower than if you were working when your kids are young.

I also think people attach a value to working that has nothing to do with actually working. Cleaning help, take out food etc are not work expenses. A work wardrobe and commuting are. Cleaning help and takeout are luxuries that people add in because working out of the home makes it harder to complete those tasks.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 3:17 pm
saw50st8 wrote:
In the 90s I think it was much more common. After the financial devastation in the 2000s, schools needed to really tighten who they could give because many donors could no longer donate at the same level. I think nowadays it is definitely more rare.

I also think that the excuse of a job only covering childcare is a poor one because usually you build your career. So you may not get much more out of your job than childcare when they are young, but you are working towards upward mobility. If you start when your kids are all in school, your salary will be starting lower than if you were working when your kids are young.

I also think people attach a value to working that has nothing to do with actually working. Cleaning help, take out food etc are not work expenses. A work wardrobe and commuting are. Cleaning help and takeout are luxuries that people add in because working out of the home makes it harder to complete those tasks.


Re: childcare and building career - I hear you and agree. But remember, many frum women are working at job, not a career. There is not a lot of upward projection that can be made by staying in for the long term. I get an annual raise and I do not consider what I do to be more than a job. There is nuance there... for what its worth.

And I agree 100% with you about the cleaning help and take out. I have seen on here people saying once they pay for additional cleaning help, take out, etc, it does not pay to work. Maybe its cultural, but not everyone has cleaning help at all and works full time. And no, we are not supermoms. We are just doing what we can do and what we can afford to do.
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amother




Plum
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 3:28 pm
watergirl wrote:
Re: childcare and building career - I hear you and agree. But remember, many frum women are working at job, not a career. There is not a lot of upward projection that can be made by staying in for the long term. I get an annual raise and I do not consider what I do to be more than a job. There is nuance there... for what its worth.

And I agree 100% with you about the cleaning help and take out. I have seen on here people saying once they pay for additional cleaning help, take out, etc, it does not pay to work. Maybe its cultural, but not everyone has cleaning help at all and works full time. And no, we are not supermoms. We are just doing what we can do and what we can afford to do.


I think whether the take out and cleaning help are necessary depends a lot on work hours. If you own a store and are out of the house 7am to 7pm 6 days a week and your husband works a typical 8-6 job, so your kids are being raised by the non-Jewish babysitter, who’s supposed to cook dinner? When? Kashrus wise the babysitter can’t do it, so take out it is. Or if mom and dad both get home half an hour before shabbos, and mom has to spend Wednesday and Thursday cooking, while dad gets the kids to bed, cleaning help might be needed (plus that solves having someone home when the kids get home). Yes. These are extremes, but don’t make blanket statements.
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 4:04 pm
saw50st8 wrote:
Most schools would offer financial aid for that.


Phew!

Dh is going to be in school/ training for many years..
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 4:04 pm
amother [ Crimson ] wrote:
I was expected to work. It’s the loss income while going to school just the graduate school tuition that added up.


Can you clarify?
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 4:22 pm
saw50st8 wrote:
It depends on the circumstances of each family.

I'm curious why someone without extenuating circumstances would rely on tzedaka rather than get a job?

Many examples:
Special needs child, Immuno compromised child, mom can’t find a job that pays more than babysitting or it will make just a little more and cause family to benefits and be even worse off financially, this year- some kids are learning remotely and mom doesn’t have child care, and I an sure their are many more.
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 4:30 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
I'd attribute more than minimum wage, and would do it for kids over the age of 2, but I love this. Evening the playing field.


Who’s to decide that age 2 is the magic number? For me it is a priority to spend the day with my kids until they are at least 3. I would not have kids if I couldn’t do that. My husband works but only makes enough to cover our needs. We live very simply. No cleaning help, no restaurants etc. I am extremely greatly the school is willing to give us financial aid and never asked why I can’t go to work.
I am definitely concerned though about what job I’ll be able to get once I’m done having kids and my youngest goes to school.
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Lady A




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 5:04 pm
Making a minimum age of 2 would be ridiculous. Kids that age catch everything and you force a parent into working, then taking off for sick kid every other week.

Education is compulsory starting at age 6, so this makes sense.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 5:12 pm
amother [ Plum ] wrote:
I think whether the take out and cleaning help are necessary depends a lot on work hours. If you own a store and are out of the house 7am to 7pm 6 days a week and your husband works a typical 8-6 job, so your kids are being raised by the non-Jewish babysitter, who’s supposed to cook dinner? When? Kashrus wise the babysitter can’t do it, so take out it is. Or if mom and dad both get home half an hour before shabbos, and mom has to spend Wednesday and Thursday cooking, while dad gets the kids to bed, cleaning help might be needed (plus that solves having someone home when the kids get home). Yes. These are extremes, but don’t make blanket statements.

100%!!! Like I said in the post you quoted, nuance matters. I was referring in my post to women who say it does not pay for them to go out and find a job because they will need to spend more on cleaning help and take out etc. for a part time job. Yes, women here say they cant work even part time because of cleaning help and takeout.
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amother




Fuchsia
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 5:38 pm
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
Who’s to decide that age 2 is the magic number? For me it is a priority to spend the day with my kids until they are at least 3. I would not have kids if I couldn’t do that. My husband works but only makes enough to cover our needs. We live very simply. No cleaning help, no restaurants etc. I am extremely greatly the school is willing to give us financial aid and never asked why I can’t go to work.
I am definitely concerned though about what job I’ll be able to get once I’m done having kids and my youngest goes to school.
you don’t want to hear this but if I don’t say it I’m sure someone else will. You can get a flexible work from home job. I’m not ashamed to say I used to be a telemarketer for a tzedakah organization and make calls at night. Not much money, but enough to show that I’m trying and understand tuition is an obligation. Also, I’m currently looking for a full time babysitter in my house, and would be happy to take someone who has her own baby. It’s not as easy to find as I thought it would be!
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 5:38 pm
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
Who’s to decide that age 2 is the magic number? For me it is a priority to spend the day with my kids until they are at least 3. I would not have kids if I couldn’t do that. My husband works but only makes enough to cover our needs. We live very simply. No cleaning help, no restaurants etc. I am extremely greatly the school is willing to give us financial aid and never asked why I can’t go to work.
I am definitely concerned though about what job I’ll be able to get once I’m done having kids and my youngest goes to school.


Why is your stipulation "I would not have kids if I couldn't stay home with them until they are 3"

As opposed to "I would not have kids that I can't afford to pay tuition for"

Why is the luxury, yes luxury of staying home with a child until 3, more important than the burden it places on the community to finance this decision.
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 6:29 pm
amother [ Plum ] wrote:
I think whether the take out and cleaning help are necessary depends a lot on work hours. If you own a store and are out of the house 7am to 7pm 6 days a week and your husband works a typical 8-6 job, so your kids are being raised by the non-Jewish babysitter, who’s supposed to cook dinner? When? Kashrus wise the babysitter can’t do it, so take out it is. Or if mom and dad both get home half an hour before shabbos, and mom has to spend Wednesday and Thursday cooking, while dad gets the kids to bed, cleaning help might be needed (plus that solves having someone home when the kids get home). Yes. These are extremes, but don’t make blanket statements.


Full time babysitters usually cook for the kids and do some cleaning.
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amother




Plum
 

Post  Fri, Aug 28 2020, 7:03 pm
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
Full time babysitters usually cook for the kids and do some cleaning.


Halachikly you’re pretty limited in what you can allow your non-Jewish babysitter to cook. I grew up on fish sticks, hot dogs and frozen pizza with the occasional Chinese food thanks to full time working parents.
My families in my story who had a babysitter and who had a cleaning lady were two different ones. I agree, if your babysitter is willing to clean, you might not need a cleaning lady, but if you’re sharing with another family let’s say...
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amother




Peach
 

Post  Sat, Aug 29 2020, 10:49 pm
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
Why is your stipulation "I would not have kids if I couldn't stay home with them until they are 3"

As opposed to "I would not have kids that I can't afford to pay tuition for"

Why is the luxury, yes luxury of staying home with a child until 3, more important than the burden it places on the community to finance this decision.


That’s funny, because my takeaway from her post was that she can not afford to stop having kids because then she would lose out on her tuition breaks Hiding
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Sat, Aug 29 2020, 11:21 pm
amother [ Peach ] wrote:
That’s funny, because my takeaway from her post was that she can not afford to stop having kids because then she would lose out on her tuition breaks Hiding

Wow! Way to take a post COMPLETELY out of context. I actually have a bare minimum of kids because I want to have a strong connection with each one. And to the one that says tuition comes first then I’ll tell you that I’d rather homeschool my kids or put them in public school then to be made to feel like I am ungrateful. I’m beyond beyond grateful my kids school has the philosophy that every kid deserves a Jewish education no matter their financial standing. If it would ever get to a place where they refuse to give the tuition break we need then yes I would most likely take my kids out of the school.
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