Private Forum for the super wealthy?

Raisin

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 9:27 am

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

Really? How much money compensates for losing a child? And how much will make it okay for your spouse to die and leave you with ten children to raise on your own?

Both things that have happened to super-wealthy relatives of mine.

poor people are not immune to losing children or spouses. Probably even more likely to since they may lack good health insurance.

And many couples fight over lack of money. Sad

You do know that extremely poor people (or not so poor people) actually do have to make choices such as not having children, giving up children for adoption, even selling children in some countries. All due to lack of money.

Anyway, pretty sure studies have proven money DOES improve happiness levels, but only up to a point. Mr and Mrs A with an income of $5 million are not less happy then Dr and Mrs B with $10 million. Mr and Mrs A have enough money to provide well for their children and family, give tzedaka, go on vacations etc. An extra $5 million will not improve their happiness.

Raisin

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 9:30 am

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

I never realized the stigma against having money was so off in the frum world. Thank you for this thread. Now I know what people are really thinking about me.im surprised to learn how skewed even the well meaning statements are.
To assume that we don't work,firstly, is very wrong. And that we don't work on ourselves is an even worse assumption.

Nothing wrong with rich people. I wish there were more of them. Smile

I have met some amazing super rich people with excellent midos and admirable lifestyles. I just don't think its true that rich people have harder lives.

I think we are all wishing this was our issue. LOL

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 9:31 am

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

Please understand. If a person was blessed with wealth that does not automatically turn them into someone who is interested in frivolous nonsense. It does not mean they have 24/7 nannies and maids. They dont always have the latest custom wigs or live in mansions. Their kids don't have to be spoiled brats. Sometimes they are just regular people living regular lives. Maybe they dont have to worry about paying their grocery bill , but they're not necessarily traveling the world. There are middle class people who have more "wealthy" lifestyles and spend more on brand names.

True. I have a relative who gave 250K for a sibling’s down payment for a house. This is after quietly supporting said sibling for many years.
They also gave free rent to the tune of over 100K on one of their commercial properties (that I know of) to someone to kickstart their new business.
They buy good quality cars and give to struggling families, and so on.
They do a lot of quiet donating that nobody knows about, not even their closest friends.
And when you see them they don’t even look rich, just normal.
She’s a Kallah teacher and not shallow at all and doesn’t have 24/7 nannies and maids, no mansion, they don’t travel the world and their kids aren’t spoiled brats. They’re just regular people living regular lives.

youngishbear

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 9:32 am

imasinger wrote:

I'm of two minds about this.

If we agree that having money makes life easier than not having it, then we can probably also agree that there shouldn't be a private forum for the super rich or the super poor.

The first because any silliness would not be likely to be posted, and everything else medium or serious would probably be posted in a different forum.

The second, if for no other reason than maybe there's a rich person on the board who might offer a hand.

This thread seems to be more like "Silliest things you can imagine the wealthy worrying about"

But the whole exercise feels a bit like sour grapes, and, while mildly amusing, it may either lead to envy or to disdain, and therefore might not be healthy for the neshama.

Envy because whenever you read about someone having something you need or want, it can be triggering. Ask those with IF how they feel about threads where people complain about their large families. Ask those with SN kids how it feels to read about those who want to avoid schools with kids like theirs. Ask those who are struggling with unemployment how it feels when someone posts in Working Women that they can't decide which exciting job offer to take. The list goes on...

Disdain because wealth doesn't guarantee wisdom, nor are even smart or wise people without blind spots.

I have heard first-hand a super rich person complain about the noise and mess of the workers installing the fountain in their front garden. They wanted a fountain because all their wealthy acquaintances had one.

My first reaction was to shake my head, thinking about what I would do with the sum of money they were burning on something relatively silly. Then, I realized I was guilty of both envy and looking down at them. Neither was healthy. That's my point here.

For those that find this thread positive, would you talk more about what good you see it doing for you inside? What am I missing?

I can't say most threads measure up to this standard.

I think our imaginary scenarios say more about posters' own priorities than the hypothetical rich people we are imagining. At least mine did.

NotInNJMommy

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 9:33 am

COVID controls are damaging our finances and my kids' mental health since they can't go to school, so we're going to go chill at the villa we lived on in a place in FL to get away from it all for the coming months, but do you think this time I should stick with the same place (great private pool and household staff) or find a place that will have an en suite in all the bedrooms but I'd have to hire new household staff and the pool is smaller?

PinkFridge

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 10:03 am

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

I was going to post something after reading the first page but decided to read p. 5 first. What I was going to post was, how do I get people to treat me normally and not make assumptions. Or something like that.

I didn't read the intervening pages. Sorry for whatever grief this thread is bring you and others. Though I will confess to a smile or two.

amother

Copper

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 10:10 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

All the scenarios I posted about the generosity and genuine concern were real scenarios. I was even on the receiving end of two of them.

There are more modestly and humbly wealthy people than posters here realize. And I'm so glad that Hashem gave them this bracha.

Yes I do have some challenges in life that could easily be solved with money. But money won't solve my more serious challenges anyway. The inside work. I joke that if I was the kind of girl who sat and read tehillim all day then H would give me full time help. But instead I'm scrolling on my phone. So better I'm busy with housework etc.

amother

Ivory

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 11:23 am

I understand that this was supposed to be all in good fun, but because it took a turn to the more serious, I’d like to respond to the assertion that wealthy people have it so easy/they can use their money to solve anything or at least make things less difficult (ex: being able to pay medical experiences).

I grew up in a wealthy home. No, we didn’t have billions of dollars and weren’t one of “the names” in the Jewish world but my father has many millions, bh. And he uses that Bracha to give a lot of tzedakah—quietly. He has made many, many weddings for those who cannot afford it, supports widows in the neighborhood, and donates a lot of money to organizations and has no plaques or honors to show for it because he says no to them all. But my family has also dealt with immeasurable pain that no money can solve or even make easier to deal with. I won’t get specific because I would like to be anonymous but if you can think of it, there’s a good chance my family has experienced it.

So while it is understandable to experience some jealously when you see others who never have to worry about money when you’re struggling to pay basic bills, try to fargin them and remember that money doesn’t mean that there’s no suffering.

amother

Oak

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 11:51 am

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

I posted earlier, but think it bears repeating. (And, just to make things clear, I am baruch Hashem in a very nice place financially. I'm speaking from clear-eyed observation, not jealousy.)

Poor people also have troubles, but those troubles are exacerbated by the lack of money.

If a rich person has cancer, she doesn't have to worry who will clear her house or how she'll get to her treatments. Rich people can afford to take off work to be with family in times of illness. If a death befalls the family, they can afford therapy for the survivors. And on and on.

Yes, rich people have tragedies, but no more than poor people do, and the rich are in a far better position to withstand their troubles. That's just the truth, and I think we ought to acknowledge it.

Rosie89

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:00 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Yes, there are SOME tragedies that can help “the rich withstand their troubles” but there are many troubles that no amount of money can help, except to pay for therapy. Earlier in the thread someone mentioned the loss of a child. Other examples include growing up in a very unhealthy environment due to abuse of any kind (emotional, physical, s-xual), infertility that cannot be cure by medication or treatment, being single at a very advanced age (yes—shocker—there are some people who haven’t found the right one even though they are rich and thin and pretty and everything that people think makes it so “easy”).

Last edited by Rosie89 on Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:14 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wheat

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:05 pm

Rosie89 wrote:

But every single thing you mentioned can and does happen to poorer people also.
But at least the rich can throw money to take the sting and bite away. Therapy, off of work, medical treatments, court cases, surrogacy.
I heard this phrase " it's always more comfortable to cry in an air conditioned Lamborghini with leather seats, rather than a rusty bike with a popped tire".

amother

Ivory

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:17 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Yes, poor people have these issues too. They are universal. I was not trying to say that the rich have it HARDER. I was just pointing out that rich people don’t necessarily have it easy, and there are much bigger things on their minds than where to vacation and designer clothes they should buy.

(As an aside, while they might be able to afford medical treatments, in a way that can sometimes make it feel more hopeless when they all fail.)

amother

Azure

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:31 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Very well said.

I would just like to add one point. True in some situation money cannot help, however the rich can still pamper them self’s in many ways to take the edge off the pain, which is something the poor do not have the luxury to do.

Also money troubles are a constant source of anxiety which can make all other problems seem even more difficult .

amother

Copper

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:52 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Not really. People seem to have more empathy and warmer regard for the person who suffers. If they're really wretched.

It seems to be that people are only deserving of love and sympathy as long as they're wretched. Some times poor little rich boy really is poor little rich boy. But he can't a single friend to care. He can hire a therapist to care sure. But not a friend.