Searching for help with traditions...

amother

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 10:37 pm

OP again

I did something like learning with a family for a while. The things that come up are helpful, but there's still so much! I got married, and moved literally across the country in a couple of hops. Also, I'm married with kids now, so it's not easy to do.

I do have a good bunch of real life friends, and they're pretty good at answering questions, but I don't want to overwhelm! Plus, lots of times they just know that they do it, not why.

Reading books seems to be the best for me right now, I can do it whenever the small ones let me Wink

absorb better, plus have it on hand for reference!

Tzippora

Sun, Feb 24 2008, 12:06 am

Motek, I have no desire to get into an extended debate here about something mildly off topic, but it is the opinion of many (the Rambam for one) that any time a law is based on medical advice, when the knowledge of medicine changes, we are under no obligation to continue that behavior. So yes, medical advice from the Shulchan Aruch would fall into that category.

This may not be your view, but its a perfectly legitimate and entirely defensible one.

Ruchel

Sun, Feb 24 2008, 3:52 am

Tzippora wrote:

I don't know the reasoning, but here they do serve fish/dairy and fish/meat in kosher restaurants. My rav said it's a custom, and those who have a minhag on this should avoid eating it.
I think ultra Orthodox restaurants don't do fish/meat, although I see fish/dairy in LUbavich restaurants (like tuna pizza). But Orthodox restaurants do both.

mumoo

Sun, Feb 24 2008, 4:28 am

Op, everyone has questions. First of all, asei lcha Rov. (pirkei Avos: get a Rov for yourself.)
Do you have a Rov that you feel comfortable calling whenever you have a question, about anything? In the past dh and I gathered up a bunch of questions and invited Rov and family over for dinner so we could clarify issued while children played.

The next posuk (sentence) is uknei lcha chaver. That means you need to get yourself a friend. Some even say it's important enough to pay for one. This friend would be one that would answer any non-sheilos you have. Just general information. Most people like being an expert. And most people have questions themselves so they understand.

You could also ask any of us here. Read the posts and get a feel for someone who has a similar hashkofo (outlook). You can private message someone here. I for one would love the opportunity to help you out.

amother

Sun, Feb 24 2008, 5:57 am

Motek wrote:

cassandra wrote:

There are many people who believe that we don't have to follow the health warnings in the Gemara (Among the best known ones: separating fish and meat and mayim acharonim

Those health concerns are brought down in Shulchan Aruch. Which rabbis say you don't have to follow these laws in Shulchan Aruch?

My husband learned mayim achronim in great depth and he does not do it based on the conclusions he came to. (I'm litvish).

Starhavah

Sun, Feb 24 2008, 8:04 am

amother wrote:

OP here! Brachot, davening, working on middot, we're doing, although constantly striving for better; kids are 3 and under. I'm a little concerned about the depth I can get to at times, but we look things up when needed (which is something I'm proud to pass on Smile

)

It sounds like you are doing a good job.

amother wrote:

Just lots of little things that come up, especially with kids, get me down sometimes. It's hard to feel like I'm lagging behind! (I think part of that's also ego embarrassed

)

I teach Hebrew in a Sunday School (amazing since I could not read Hebrew myself until I was in my 30's) and it is a common feeling among the parents there. (I am NOT recoomending Sunday school as a Jewish educational system.) The kids come home knowing so much more than the parents. I am BT (not raised frum) and my daughter goes to an Orthodox Day School, of course, I take pride in the fact that she is learning so much that I do not know. At the Shabbos table we always ask her about what she learned this week. It is good Shabbos table discussion and I get the benefit of her education too.

amother wrote:

There are also plenty of times I wish I had a parental example to follow, such as my 3 year old hating to wear his tzit tzit (still working on this).

I also wish I had a parental example to follow. There are many things that I push too early because I think, she should be doing this already, and no just because she can do it in school doesn't mean all of her peers are doing it at home. The women here are a great sounding board.

Have you tried getting your son Neatzit (I think that is what they are called). They are a regular tshirt that has tzitzit on the bottom (altered at the bottom to make corners of course). They are available at our Jewish Bookstore, check out yours.

amother wrote:

I know everyone is learning still, or should be, but it's nice to hear it from others, too! Thanks for the encouragement!

As the others said feel free to PM me if you want. I think being BT or a ger makes us importnat additions to the frum community. Take pride in your past. I have friends who are BT and extremely welcome additions to their communities. I even have one friend who passes for FFB although she is a geioret (female of ger).

Star Havah

Motek

Sun, Feb 24 2008, 10:02 am

Tzippora wrote:

Fine, not interested in a debate either. I asked for the names of rabbis (post-S.Aruch) who say we don't have to follow these laws in Shulchan Aruch. Just their names will suffice.

Tzippora

Sun, Feb 24 2008, 11:15 am

Motek,

First of all, the Rambam paskins that way and since he is prior to the SA, we can follow that principle. We don't need someone to specifically say "ignore the SA". And yes, this is the psak I received. Not quite comfortable revealing the name of my rav on this point.

Secondly, I don't think I've ever seen a litvak table where people did mayim acharonim, as it was understood also as a health recommendation to avoid negative effects from melach sedomis. I have it on good authority that this was not done by the talmidim of the Mir in Europe. There's your example.

mumoo

Mon, Feb 25 2008, 3:51 pm

sunnybrook wrote:

I beg to differ about the mayim achronim--all the Litvaks I know do it, and in some homes even the women are makpid. Will check about the Mir.

I don't consider myself litvish, but then again I'm not chassidish either. men here use mayim acharonim-rarely women. I was told it's because we are always washing up in the kitchen between the meal and bentching (and because we are much neater eaters). if someone helps clean up for me, I make sure to wash in the sink before bentching anyway.

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 7:27 am

OP again

I have ordered a few of the books recommended here, and am slowly working through them. And I have to say that I really find Imamother to be helpful and inspiring. I have truly learned a lot here, about general things and things I didn't even consider!

My dh and I have decided to start studying together for 20 minutes or so each day, and he'd like to do the Shulchan Aruch. Someone here recommended the Kitzur Shulchan Aurch (we really need that English!), but I've come across two versions: "Metsudah Kitzur Shulchan Aruch" or just "Kitzur Shulchan Aruch." Any idea what the difference is?

Also, we want to buy a nice set adding to our bookshelves and G-d willing years of use. They have a 3 volume pocket edition and a two volume regular size edition. Any thoughts on which would be best? DH and I seem to disagree on this, but neither of us is really set on either. (And I'm not sure either of us would carry them around, although maybe to do some research...I don't know.)

Sorry if these are silly questions.