Whats in style | Imamother

amother

Purple

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 12:01 am

I don’t think you are getting comments because your daughter isn’t wearing 2020 fashion. You don’t need to be wearing this seasons items. You just want her to wear clothing that looks really good in her, fits well, neat, put together, flattering. Hair should be neat and styled, a touch of makeup and you are good to go. I always cringe when I see Instagram pics of Mazel Tov Engagement photos and the girl is wearing like messy bed head hair, no makeup, flip flops or Birkenstock’s, denim jacket etc. I mean obviously someone found them attractive but it’s so off putting. You are dating or getting engaged - put on some classy clothing for goodness sakes!

amother

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 12:10 am

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

Apparently I am. She wears none of the above.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 12:37 am

I'm not saying it is bad to update a wardrobe, even if it just to help her feel self confident and good about herself.
But, who are you getting these comments from? Feedback from dates/shadchanim who have met her? Or random, "helpful" ladies who are casting about to find possible reasons that your lovely and charming daughter hasn't yet met the right person and just can't come up with any good reason? If it's the latter, take it with a grain of salt. (But have fun shopping!)

amother

Papaya

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:38 am

Im so sorry u and your daughter have to deal with this. When I was dating, 1 older man called both me and my mother and said the reason I'm having such a hard time is because I'm not pretty, I don't know how to dress or wear makeup. You don't know how much I cried and cried. I promise you I bh married an amazing guy. I'm just sharing this with u so u understand people are crazy and your daughter is great and will marry an amazing guy .

amother

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:43 am

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

This really means a lot to me. Thank you. Its almost 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. Feeling like a failure. I haven't told my daughter any of this; she worries enough about shidduchim. But I am so sad.

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 8:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This really means a lot to me. Thank you. Its almost 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. Feeling like a failure. I haven't told my daughter any of this; she worries enough about shidduchim. But I am so sad.

Who exactly is criticizing your dd?

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 9:13 am

op I'm also from manhattan. my SIL commented that people in manhattan dress differently Wink

I think she found it interesting Wink

.

I didn't get a lot of dates. Stayed away from shadchans like a plague (had "family" stuff that I felt awkward being asked about) . Got married at 25 but I married a guy who really doesn't care at all. Like at all. For example he thinks high heels look uncomfortable and doesn't understand why anyone would wear them. I almost never wear makeup....

Shidduchim is a hard parsha to be in but your daughter really only needs one guy who will appreciate her. Im yirtzah Hashem before you know it this will all be over and you can breath a sigh of relief!

sky

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 9:20 am

Just an antidote - I had a feature that I was told I must change to get married. No one will marry a girl with this. Look at girls not married - it’s because they refused to change.
My DH probably married because of it.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 10:13 am

It sounds really hard to feel like your dd is being criticized. I'm wondering whether a stylist or personal shopper would be helpful in determining the type of clothing that will best suit your dd. To me if someone is dressed nicely, in clothes that fit well and make her look good, people don't necessarily note if they are dressed fashionably or not.
I am terrible with fashions and tend to stick to classic designs that are never out of fashion. The styles suit my body type. I think if someone knows they look good and feel good, they will be more confident and that will come across more than the exact clothing. Make sure she feels good in what she is wearing and carries herself with confidence.
Also don't underestimate the importance of a very good bra. A bra can make or break an outfit.
I hope she will find the right one soon.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I agree but it is unfortunately a boy's market. Thank you.

Still, most boys know less than almost all women about women's fashion. They care about looks, but they know what looks good to them, not what's in style.

SixOfWands

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:30 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Dd is of shidduch age and it has now gotten back to me twice that she isn't stylish enough. She dresses in classic, fairly preppy style and has a nice figure but is not at all trendy, and neither of us is sure what IS trendy.

Yes, I know that she shouldn't have to change and yes I know she should be able to be herself. But this has now come up TWICE and she needs to get married. So let's set aside whether I should care what's trendy and just tell me.

Frankly this whole process is painful enough as it is.

Can you ask what this means?

Clothing should be fitted, not loose. The waist should always hit at her natural waist, not above, even is that's "in style." Simple is better than ruffled and very embellished. That's if she's dressing for the guy. If she's dressing for his mother, all bets are off.

Start simple by maybe updating her hairstyle and makeup.

Then have her ask a stylish friend where she shops. Remember, though, looking good on HER is more important than being on trend.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:36 pm

OP, I dressed very frumpy prior to starting shidduchim. I knew that I had no fashion sense, so I started shopping at Fashion Island, where they would help me coordinate outfits. From that, I learned enough to order some dresses from Macy's and Lord and Taylor and add material to them. I figured out that A-line or fit and flare styles flatter me the most.

Ironically, I married into a family that couldn't care less about these things, just like my own family. My DH appreciates when I look nice, but his definition of nice does not equal expensive or up-to-date. So now I buy clothing I like, mostly online, and don't spend a fortune on it. But I needed it when I was dating to give me confidence.

imokay

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:43 pm

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

Still, most boys know less than almost all women about women's fashion. They care about looks, but they know what looks good to them, not what's in style.

This! Men don't know that the oversized matching 2 piece knit is "in". (Sometimes if a piece is too trendy, the men will think it odd.) Plus, a lot of the trendy clothing actually does not look very flattering at all; more importantly, you have to dress for your body.

In general, men appreciate well fitted, clothing, a fresh face and nice hair. Put together, neat. Confidence, straight posture. Good conversationalist, feminine charm.

She should find her bashert soon!

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:45 pm

imokay wrote:

The boys don’t. But the ppl making the matches and setting up do.
It’s a problem

amother

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 2:39 pm

As someone said above, Manhattan dresses a bit differently than other frum communities, but she is always put together nicely. I would describe her look as Ralph Lauren style. Classic. She always wears makeup when she leaves the house (especially eye makeup these days Wink

). I find it hard to believe that boys know enough about fashion to know that this year girls are all wearing long pleated skirts or drapey cardigans, certainly not the good boys. I am pretty sure it has to be their mothers. But in practical terms it doesn't matter because the mothers are the gateways to the boys and if they don't like something the shidduch doesn't get to square one.

amother

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 2:56 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

How do all these mothers know how she dresses? Is she only dating neighbors???? Look oot!

I was actually wondering that, especially since we are not attending simchos or leaving the neighborhood. I have no idea.