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-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Maroon
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 Wed, Dec 09 2020, 4:28 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | The parents or the chosson/kalla? |
The money is for the new couple, not their parents.
ETA: So I'd make it out to one or both of the couple, so they can deposit it straight in their own account.
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amother
White
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 4:37 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | The parents or the chosson/kalla? | The chosson or kallah.
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PinkFridge
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 4:42 pm
| amother [ Azure ] wrote: | I would resent that.
First off I didn't change my maiden name. Second, even if I was planning on changing my maiden name, there is nothing I dislike more than being called 'Mrs. Husband First Name Husband Last Name'.
I am not Mrs. Moshe Cohen, and I don't know how many young kallahs today would appreciate being called that. But I guess if you know the kallah would like it, then it's fine. |
You might resent it but not as much as if the check had been written to your parents.
I vote the kids.
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amother
Bisque
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 4:44 pm
I write it to the side that I am either related to or most friendly with. I only give money for those categories of people.
No one has ever complained and it simplified it because they might not have set up joint accounts so it simplifies cashing a check.
I don't ascribe any kind of significance to it in terms of symbolically gifting only the person to whom the check is made out to.
Same reason I mail checks to the parents because I feel more secure that they will not be misplaced in any kind of last minute craziness.
But I don't have dysfunctional relationships so everyone just accepts that there is no "hidden agenda"
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amother
Amethyst
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 4:50 pm
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I used to do what sounds most appropriate, then I got married myself and saw what a huge headache it can be, husband has to deposit his, Kallah has to deposit hers, a few made out to parents have to be sent to parents to deposit and then get the $$ back to the couple, a few made out to names that don’t exist. Since then I make all checks out to CASH.
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amother
Azure
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 4:53 pm
| PinkFridge wrote: | You might resent it but not as much as if the check had been written to your parents.
I vote the kids. |
Of course you make the check out to the kids and not to their parents.
It's just best not to make any assumptions about the kallah changing her name.
And I wonder what percent of kallahs today would not be somewhat annoyed to be called Mrs. John Smith.
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Amarante
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 4:54 pm
| amother [ Amethyst ] wrote: | | I used to do what sounds most appropriate, then I got married myself and saw what a huge headache it can be, husband has to deposit his, Kallah has to deposit hers, a few made out to parents have to be sent to parents to deposit and then get the $$ back to the couple, a few made out to names that don’t exist. Since then I make all checks out to CASH. |
Writing a check out to cash is not as safe as writing to a specific payee because technically it is equivalent to cash and therefore can be cashed by anyone.
I only do checks for "cash" when I am handing the check in person and I know they are treating it as the equivalent of actual cash in terms of safe guarding it.
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PinkFridge
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 4:56 pm
| amother [ Azure ] wrote: | Of course you make the check out to the kids and not to their parents.
It's just best not to make any assumptions about the kallah changing her name.
And I wonder what percent of kallahs today would not be somewhat annoyed to be called Mrs. John Smith. |
I agree. Of course I do. I send it back with the return card and trust the parents to turn it over to the kids.
Apparently not everyone thinks as we do. (We may not be on the exact same paragraph but we are on the same page.)
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amother
Purple
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 5:10 pm
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As someone who got married more recently, the ones addressed to chosson OR kallah are easiest to deposit. It also doesn't matter what name you put kallah under then since the husband's name is really enough.
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agreer
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 5:52 pm
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When I got married, I kept my legal name. But I brought my marriage license to the bank so that they could verify we were married, and it has not been a problem whenever I deposit a check to Mrs. A. Wright even though my name is really Ms. Always.
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Shuly
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 6:21 pm
This brings back memories. We had such a headache with our checks since many were written out to me with DH's last name and I didn't change my last name right away.
The bank wouldn't let me deposit a check made out to (for ex.) Mrs. Sarah Cohen when my name was Ms. Sarah Levy.
I ended up asking a cousin of DH's who has a similar name to deposit them in her account and write us a check!
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amother
Blue
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 6:22 pm
OP you asked a couple of times about the parents. I have no idea where you got this from. The gift is for the couple, never the parents. That's shouldn't even be a consideration.
As for names, I suggest writing one or the other. Any time you write the kallah's name, use her maiden name, not her presumed married name. A few stories:
Dh has a history of being irresponsible with money so we decided to maintain separate bank accounts. Any checks written to "John Smith & Jane Doe" were such a headache. We had to endorse those checks to one or the other and everything got very confusing. I don't know if checks can be written to either/OR, but that would be ideal. You can never just assume a couple has or even will have a joint account. Not everyone does.
I didn't take dh's name so when someone wrote a check to "John and Jane Smith", I couldn't even endorse the check to him because I wasn't Jane Smith.
I know this is unusual but both dh and I changed our name together. But one person wrote us a check to "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" (by the way, so not cool to do that in this day and age). But he was no longer John Smith and I was never Mrs. John Smith and unfortunately though banks are accustomed to women changing their name upon marriage and have a system in place to accept both married and maiden names, this is much more complicated when a man changes his name.
In short, write the check to the name (maiden, not married) of whichever member of the happy couple that invited you.
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amother
Cobalt
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 6:28 pm
| zaq wrote: | Chaim Helfgoot and/or Esther Berman. Because kallah may or may not be changing her name, they may or may not have opened an account yet with her married name, bank may or may not allow a deposit made out to Chaim and Esther Helfgoot absent proof that there is such a person, since she doesn't exist before the wedding.
Mr. & Mrs. Chaim Helfgoot? You have got to be kidding me. What is this, the 1940s in Stepford? |
Lol we had reverse Stepford. A check made out to Mr. & Mrs. Myfirstname Maidenname, aka Mr. & Mrs. Esther Berman 
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amother
Brown
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 7:18 pm
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The banks accept any check for Deposit into any account unless its an LLC a Corp or an INC.
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amother
Hotpink
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 8:27 pm
We deposited all checks into our new account (which we did within week of Sheva brachos). Someone said they had to come back next day, why couldn't it wait a bit?
We had checks written out to everything from both of are names, to just mine with his last name, just his with my last name, to cash to just last names with no first names, to my last name spelled totally off think Strauss to krauz or gelbstein to felbstein or gelbaum. The bank just deposited all.
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number
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 8:33 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | If you write both names do they have to open a joint account and the kalla to change her last name legally? | I signed my name twice, once with my maiden name and again with my “married name”.
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amother
Pewter
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 8:52 pm
| amother [ Azure ] wrote: | I would resent that.
First off I didn't change my maiden name. Second, even if I was planning on changing my maiden name, there is nothing I dislike more than being called 'Mrs. Husband First Name Husband Last Name'.
I am not Mrs. Moshe Cohen, and I don't know how many young kallahs today would appreciate being called that. But I guess if you know the kallah would like it, then it's fine. |
so funny, but I loved it!! made me pinch myself and think, whoa, im really married!!
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amother
Mistyrose
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 9:00 pm
| amother [ Azure ] wrote: | I would resent that.
First off I didn't change my maiden name. Second, even if I was planning on changing my maiden name, there is nothing I dislike more than being called 'Mrs. Husband First Name Husband Last Name'.
I am not Mrs. Moshe Cohen, and I don't know how many young kallahs today would appreciate being called that. But I guess if you know the kallah would like it, then it's fine. |
It's just a check. Not some engraved jewelry or artwork. Who cares? Somebody is giving me money and instead of being thankful I'm going to stew over being Mrs. New-Husband? Wow. I'd hate to go through life that easily annoyed.
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amother
Amethyst
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Wed, Dec 09 2020, 9:07 pm
| amother [ Pewter ] wrote: | | so funny, but I loved it!! made me pinch myself and think, whoa, im really married!! |
I agree, right when I was first married (aka exactly the time I was going through all those checks) was when I got a little thrill seeing “Mrs. DH Lastname” written out. That part was nice.
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