Leaving baby at stranger to go on vacation

amother

Denim

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 2:58 pm

I used to leave my then almost 2 year old/2 year old by a frum babysitter. I once picked her up and she was screaming and it looked like her 6 year old was hurting her. I ended up stopping to send there. 2 years later my daughter told me that the boy pulled her hair. The babysitter was busy making supper...

amother

Maroon

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 2:59 pm

I replied earlier in the thread that I don't leave nursing babies. I do leave my kids once they're older and do go away with dh a couple times a year. They're left with loving grandparents whom they are super comfortable with and see all the time (and have young children whom arw their best friends)
Maybe it's a certain community thing, but I have a friend who leaves her children at an overnight babysitter for 2 weeks after she has a baby. I think it's insane honestly, but I guess it works for her. (Bh I had a baby 8 days ago and bh my kids are all home) I also have a neighbor who has a live in in her house and will go on vacation with her kids sometimes but leaves her baby alone woth the live in....or wont take an "annoying" child as she told me.
I actually feel.bad since I am going away next week for 3 days with my baby and dh (and my mother) ,its business for them. My other kids arw staying with mu siblings and father. I feel bad about it since I went away 4 months ago from Thursday to Sunday and left my kids....however I fid go away with my kids for succos and iyh for pesach so they get to go away plenty as well.

amother

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 3:24 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

Who says I don’t?
You can still have help with kids and still drown.
Also are you also offering to pay for it or to only give free unsolicited advice?
I do what works for me and if you ever have twins you can do what works for you.
I am not telling anyone to send their kids anywhere. I am also not telling them to not take a break and consider whatever options would work for THEM.

Yes, everyone should do what works for them, but also what works for their baby. Leaving a nursing baby at a stranger to go on vacation is not normal a normal thing to do. There's a time and place for a vacation and vacationing 2 times a year when you have a nursing baby is not the right time. If someone is that overwhelmed that they must leave a baby afew times a year to vacation, they shouldn't have a baby every 2 years. If someone does choose to leave babies with strangers, do what you want, but there's no need to tell everyone that you're doing it. Just be quiet about it.

amother

Tangerine

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 3:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why should they be quiet about it? Because you dont like to hear it?

doodlesmom

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 3:31 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Not that I leave my kids by sitters, but my kids can pull their siblings hair while I make supper too.
If the sitter would be the one pulling the hair, that would be a concern.

amother

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 3:35 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

Why should they be quiet about it? Because you dont like to hear it?

Another point is, that you have twins and you did it out of desperation and not because it's common way of life. She's doing it for years already, she goes on vacation every single year 2 times a year no matter what. All her babies have been left at strangers afew times. That's not fair to the kids. This is officially her way of life and she's making fun of me that I don't do it.

southernbubby

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 3:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Another point is, that you have twins and you did it out of desperation and not because it's common way of life. She's doing it for years already, she goes on vacation every single year 2 times a year no matter what. All her babies have been left at strangers afew times. This is officially her way of life and she's making fun of my that I don't do it.

Her advice is worthless. I am praising you for not doing it. You sound like a wonderful mother.

amother

Lavender

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 3:42 pm

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

So glad to hear that almost everyone is against it.

....yet somehow my neighbor has a steady parnassa doing this.

There's probably reasons other than vacation that she has parnassa also. I was 3 weeks postpartum when I was hospitalized and had no family nearby at all. My kids had random babysitters with them all day while my husband ran back and forth to the hospital. They didn't go to an overnight babysitter because that's not a thing in our area but I imagine I would have used that in such a case.

amother

Jetblack

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 3:46 pm

octopus wrote:

My opinions are irrelevant here. Although it is something I would never do. The problem here is that your in law family needs to butt out. You do you and your sil can do hers. She should not be getting involved in your life.

This.
I think there are merits on both sides, but I wouldn't feel good about leaving my baby. But that's not really the point. Nobody should judge or harass someone for doing differently and it's really nobody's biz.

amother

Tangerine

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 3:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because not everything is important to be said. Especially if she's purposely telling me to rile me up.

Some things are said matter of a factZ
If shes purposely saying it to get you riles up then she should keep quiet.
But if someone simply gets riled up from others decisions that have nothing to do with them its not enough the person shouldnt share what they are doimg.

amother

Tangerine

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 3:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I assume most people do it out of desperation and don’t feel great about it. But it doesn’t mean its wrong and selfish.

amother

Slategray

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 4:00 pm

To all of you who say they never leave their kids. What's when you go to work and leave at sitter? Wasn't the sitter a stranger the 1st time around??

Yes, I have left my 2 and a half yr old at a total stranger for my 4 day vacation. But before that, I have done my research as how she is with kids in general. How many kids does takes at once. Does she gave more kids his age etc, and got great great feedback. I was super comfortable leaving him with her. My toddler came home super happy bh.

No, I would not leave by any babysitter, just because it's a Yiddisha home.

But honestly, with your sil, Leave them for 5 weeks, I don't care, she can do what she wants. But don't bash and shame.

Though I know ppl who leave nursing baby's, I never. When I have a baby I know, for the time I nurse vacation is out of the picture.

Sorry you're going through this.

amother

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 4:00 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

I assume most people do it out of desperation and don’t feel great about it. But it doesn’t mean its wrong and selfish.

No, not everyone does it out of desperation. If one would do it out of desperation, they wouldn't do it regularly and feel good about it. Especially a nursing baby. A person that has no issue leaving a nursing baby at a stranger 2 times a year & says that babies don't care where they are and they're happy at the babysitter, does not do it out of desperation.
It's their way of life. If she'd be desperate she wouldn't make fun of me and shame for not doing it.
If someone were to tell me that they leave their baby to go on vacation, I'd never say anything. I only said something to my SIL when she started mocking me.
I started this thread to hear others opinions about it and see if it's a common thing to do under normal circumstances.

amother

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 4:03 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

Of course if you send a baby to a babysitter because you work they're also going to a stranger, but you pick the up at the end of the day!!! And within afew days they get used to the schedule that mom picks them up at the end of the day.
And 2 1/2 year old is not a 1 year old nursing baby. A 2.5 year old you can talk to and tell him that you're coming back.

amother

Slategray

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 4:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Personally I find younger is easier to leave. Of course they have feelings, but they understand much less. I'm not talking of a nursing baby.

Older babies can be homesick and much much harder to calm down and make happy, even you can't talk to them.

SixOfWands

Fri, Feb 12 2021, 4:13 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

First of all, OP wasn't bashing or shaming. She was minding her own business. Her SIL was bashing and complaining about the fact that OP doesn't leave her kids with a sitter for vacations.

Second, when I left my kids with a sitter, she wasn't a stranger. I acquainted the kids with her by being home with her. I also recognize the difference between leaving my children for parnassah and leaving them for vacation; and between leaving them for a few hours and leaving them for a few days.

But you do you. You think its OK for YOUR kids, I'm not going to stop you. But if you stomp your feet and demand to know why I wouldn't do it, as OP's SIL did, I'm also not going to lie.