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Question on Shabbos table setting
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 1:11 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
We just put o the dips and salads, cuz it looks pretty. Fish and any other appetizer comes out after we make hamotzi.
Out of curiosity, what is the reason for not putting out before? What is the principle?


Same
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 1:18 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
I plate my table with a big plate, a small plate, and a dip plate. I serve all the food I'm pretty platters in the middle of the table. I hate when my food is plated for me so I prefer not to do that for guests.
If I make a meal with an appetizer, then I plate the appetizer before the meal and it is out when we start eating.
Sometimes, I will put out the big plates, and the dip plates, and serve the appetizer as soon as we are finished with the dips.

What’s a dip plate?
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amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 1:30 pm
Ok, here goes. Hope it's clear.
We set the table Thursday night, we enjoy looking at a pretty table. We don't always set with plates but when we do, we do like this. When we have guests, it's my or DH siblings with their little kids, our single siblings, or DH single friend. We don't host big meals of more than 10 people.
DH comes home from shul, we usually stay on the couch till he's ready to make kiddush. We stand near our chairs for kiddush. All glasses are next to DH place & he pours wine for everyone. Sometimes the kids can sit down at the edge of their chairs while drinking. We don't "require" anyone to stay standing, this is just how it is. After kiddush everyone goes to wash and I collect all clean, untouched, and unbreathed on plates from the table. If a plate somehow got dirty, I obviously don't use it. Dips are prepared in small individual bowls according to everyone's taste. There’s a charger plate at everyone's place and the dip bowls go on that. I plate and serve the fish (yes, it looks nice and appetizing) while DH makes hamotzi, he has me in mind and I saw amen from the kitchen which is right off the dining room. I wash after I'm done serving the fish. (This is ok, we asked.) I know what everyone likes and it takes me about 3 minutes to serve the fish with the help of my girls. I don't like serving fish in platters to pass around because I find it unappetizing. I have never eaten a meal at a family that served the fish in a platter to pass around.
Hope this is clear.
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amother




Puce
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 1:41 pm
Orange, I hope you don't mind if I nitpick a bit and ask a followup question. When does your husband make hamotzi? Before or after you wash?

You previously wrote
Quote:

No, it does not take longer. My girls help me serve. It take 3 minutes to serve less than 10 people. Everyone eats challah and dips while I plate and serve the fish, then I wash and sit down. The idea of passing around a fish platter is unappetizing to me.

which sounded like your husband makes hamotzi before you have washed (since everyone is already eating challah by the time you wash).
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amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 1:46 pm
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
Orange, I hope you don't mind if I nitpick a bit and ask a followup question. When does your husband make hamotzi? Before or after you wash?

You previously wrote
Quote:

No, it does not take longer. My girls help me serve. It take 3 minutes to serve less than 10 people. Everyone eats challah and dips while I plate and serve the fish, then I wash and sit down. The idea of passing around a fish platter is unappetizing to me.

which sounded like your husband makes hamotzi before you have washed (since everyone is already eating challah by the time you wash).


DH makes hamotzi before I wash, while I'm plating the fish. I wash after I'm done serving. He has me in mind and I say amen to his bracha. This is ok, we asked.
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amother




Black
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 1:56 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
DH makes hamotzi before I wash, while I'm plating the fish. I wash after I'm done serving. He has me in mind and I say amen to his bracha. This is ok, we asked.

Are you sure about the Bracha? It just doesn’t sound right. I also don’t like that you don’t sit with everyone for hamotzi. I found it degrading in a way.
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amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 2:00 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
Are you sure about the Bracha? It just doesn’t sound right. I also don’t like that you don’t sit with everyone for hamotzi. I found it degrading in a way.


As long as DH has me in mind, I can hear him clearly, and I say amen, it's ok.
I have no problem with washing after everyone and I don't feel degraded at all. Sometimes I can decide to wash and have challah with everyone, but it's easier if I serve before I sit down.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 2:28 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
Ok, here goes. Hope it's clear.
We set the table Thursday night, we enjoy looking at a pretty table. We don't always set with plates but when we do, we do like this. When we have guests, it's my or DH siblings with their little kids, our single siblings, or DH single friend. We don't host big meals of more than 10 people.
DH comes home from shul, we usually stay on the couch till he's ready to make kiddush. We stand near our chairs for kiddush. All glasses are next to DH place & he pours wine for everyone. Sometimes the kids can sit down at the edge of their chairs while drinking. We don't "require" anyone to stay standing, this is just how it is. After kiddush everyone goes to wash and I collect all clean, untouched, and unbreathed on plates from the table. If a plate somehow got dirty, I obviously don't use it. Dips are prepared in small individual bowls according to everyone's taste. There’s a charger plate at everyone's place and the dip bowls go on that. I plate and serve the fish (yes, it looks nice and appetizing) while DH makes hamotzi, he has me in mind and I saw amen from the kitchen which is right off the dining room. I wash after I'm done serving the fish. (This is ok, we asked.) I know what everyone likes and it takes me about 3 minutes to serve the fish with the help of my girls. I don't like serving fish in platters to pass around because I find it unappetizing. I have never eaten a meal at a family that served the fish in a platter to pass around.
Hope this is clear.



Thx for explaining orange.
Why just leave the charger empty minus the fish plates. That way you don’t have to scramble getting them before washing and you can join your husband for the bracha. Your anyhow not bringing out a prepared platter so just have the the fish already arranged on the counter before the men come home from shul ...
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amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 2:32 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thx for explaining orange.
Why just leave the charger empty minus the fish plates. That way you don’t have to scramble getting them before washing and you can join your husband for the bracha. Your anyhow not bringing out a prepared platter so just have the the fish already arranged on the counter before the men come home from shul ...


I don't like to have the fish sit on the counter before the meal. I don't set with plates every week, when I don't, I just put an empty charger or no charger. It's easiest for me to serve the fish while everyone is washing and eating challah because once I sit down, I don't get up so fast. We start schmoozing and we end up eating too much challah.
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amother




Black
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 2:49 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
As long as DH has me in mind, I can hear him clearly, and I say amen, it's ok.
I have no problem with washing after everyone and I don't feel degraded at all. Sometimes I can decide to wash and have challah with everyone, but it's easier if I serve before I sit down.

How can you hear hamotzi before you wash? It’s the wrong order.
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amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 2:55 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
How can you hear hamotzi before you wash? It’s the wrong order.


I can answer amen to his hamotzi and he can have me in mind with lechem mishnah even before I wash. Everyone makes their own hamotzi.
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Miri1




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 3:46 pm
Did I understand right?
You make a brachah of your own when you sit down after you've washed?
And your husband's brachah is to have you in mind for the whole challahs?
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 3:52 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
What’s a dip plate?

Oy, no dip plate, you don’t even know what a dip plate is? How are you ever going to find a shidduch for your children Can't Believe It


I am kidding of course. I imagine it is a plate for the dips course, to eat before the fish course. Particularly popular with people who enjoy washing tons of dishes.
We don’t do dips at all in my house, and we eat on paper- with a plastic table cloth over the linen, and DD and I both wear pearl earrings, so I am the last to actually know these things.
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amother




Cerulean
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 3:53 pm
If she’s chasidish she anyways makes her own Bracha. (I’m not, so I don’t really get how it works)
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amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 3:58 pm
Miri1 wrote:
Did I understand right?
You make a brachah of your own when you sit down after you've washed?
And your husband's brachah is to have you in mind for the whole challahs?


We all make hamotzi before eating challah. You don't make a brachah before eating challah? I thought everyone does that. DH has everyone in mind for lechem mishnah and everyone makes a brachah before they eat their challa. Just like we each make hagafen before drinking kiddush. I've never seen anything else.
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Iymnok




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 4:04 pm
It’s ideal on Shabbos to make hamotzi over two complete loaves. In a pinch it could be two slices. That should not be a regular thing. Some people have two small rolls at each place in addition to the two challahs at the head.
Orange, that sounds like a very long hefsek between the brocha and the bite.
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amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 4:09 pm
Iymnok wrote:
It’s ideal on Shabbos to make hamotzi over two complete loaves. In a pinch it could be two slices. That should not be a regular thing. Some people have two small rolls at each place in addition to the two challahs at the head.
Orange, that sounds like a very long hefsek between the brocha and the bite.


DH is the only one that makes hamotzi on 2 whole challahs and has everyone in mind for lechem mishna. He cuts up the challah and gives everyone a piece and everyone makes their own hamotzi. I have never seen it done differently.
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sky




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 4:09 pm
Iymnok wrote:
It’s ideal on Shabbos to make hamotzi over two complete loaves. In a pinch it could be two slices. That should not be a regular thing. Some people have two small rolls at each place in addition to the two challahs at the head.
Orange, that sounds like a very long hefsek between the brocha and the bite.

She said she makes her own bracha. I’ve never seen that do that is probably why no one realizes. The only time we make own bracha is leishev b’succah. Otherwise don’t make our own.
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amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 4:10 pm
sky wrote:
She said she makes her own bracha. I’ve never seen that do that is probably why no one realizes. The only time we make own bracha is leishev b’succah. Otherwise don’t make our own.


Wow this is interesting. I've never heard of not making your own hamotzi. I guess this is what's done in some circles.
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Sprinkles1




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 16 2021, 5:36 pm
Regarding having food on the table during kiddush:

I think that the issue is only with Hamotzi and Mezonos foods, because the order in which we are supposed to eat the brachos is Hamotzi, mezonos, hagafen, haetz, hoadama, shehakol. So if while making kiddush (hagafen) there is hamotzi or mezonos on the table, they should be covered so as not to 'shame' them.
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