S/o fat shaming. Poll re size to see what average REALLY is

amother

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 10:56 am

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

I no longer shop in frum stores either.

I've noticed that mainstream stores have really undergone a shift in the past 5-10 years re: inclusive sizing. You can more or less get the same styles in every size, and salespeople don't shame you or steer you towards shapeless (and unflattering) caftans. I hope this is an example of the frum world just being late to a trend (as it often is), and in a few years, the frum stores will stock a wider variety of sizes and ditch the attitude of plus-size individuals somehow being deficient.

They've definitely come a way, but there's still a long way to go.
There is more of a selection but you're still not gonna see the same selection for 16 & 18's as the zero, 2's and 4's.

The frum stores are even further behind.

amother

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 10:58 am

and yup me too - I barely ever step into a Jewish clothing store unless absolutely emergency.
Not worth my time or energy sifting through every last piece to find one ugly piece my size. And being humiliated in the process for even asking for a larger size.

It simply isn't worth it for me all that shame and emotional energy for possibly finding that needle in the haystack.

amother

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 10:59 am

EBY wrote:

To all the women on this thread who wear plus-size clothing and have shared their experience: Despite how exhausting it is to explain your experiences, and keep responding to this thread, you have certainly raised awareness, at least with one lurker.

I really had no perspective on how difficult shopping is for people of certain sizes, and I am so appreciative that you have put your time and energy into explaining it. I hope this will help me be more aware and sensitive.

I really hope things change. I hope stores you want to shop in start selling sizes and styles that you feel good wearing.

Thanks a lot for this, really appreciate it.

amother

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:04 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

Hi, I haven't read through the entire thread, but the very fact that it is so long shows how sensitive this issue is to us women. I have thought for a long time about starting a line just for hard to find sizes (for very tall women, plus sizes, etc) and a special store carrying my line with saleswomen trained to help style the customers and alterations available on premises (with service like we expect when buying a nice bra). I sew, I design, I'm tall, and I totally understand the struggles.

But here is what always stops me from pursuing this dream... everyone says they want this sort of thing, but everyone is soooo sensitive to feeling the littlest bit different from the idealized, media image of beautiful...so I feel like I will invest so much and work so hard and just open myself up to criticism...people won't like my work because it doesn't match what they see in magazines or instagram, rather what looks proportional and great on THEM. Like, a lot of the trends only look right hanging off a rail thin, tall model, so I wouldn't be designing for trends, rather for flattering fits and styles to create symmetry on that body type. And then people will say it's just not good. I would love to hear all of your feedback...

Just want to come back to this post, wine, if you're still reading.

I personally think it's a wonderful idea, and you'll have many customers.

The idea should be to create an atmosphere an environment that doesn't treat bigger bodies as "less than" and simply is there to clothe people in a way that makes them feel and look good.

If you're idea of what looks good on a bigger body, is huge kaftan style stuff... then no it's a bad idea. But I don't think that's what you're saying. Plenty of styles look just as wonderful on thin women as on bigger women. It just needs to be done right.

It is something that is badly needed and if you go for it, may it be blessed with lots of hatzlacha. If you are in Brooklyn, or even the tristate area I'd definitely come check it out.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:22 am

So I'm also a large woman. I am 5'7, but I have scoliosis so would have been another inch, and presently at the ideal body fat range of 24%-27% I'm really pleased with my body. I have kah a few kids and I'm in my 30s. I wear a 34 V so even when I lose weight I'm still large.

I wear a size 18, usually, sometimes even a 22. I had the incredibly humiliating experience of shopping with my mother in law in a frum store (I was a kallah and a 14 or 16 then) and we went from store to store and then walked into a store and she belted at the top of her lungs do you have any big sizes here? My daughter in law needs the biggest size you have!! Last time I shopped with her. Anyway.

I have sisters built more or less like me. And over the last 5 years I have watched 2 of them starve themselves almost to death. One is an anorexic to be a size 8 at 5'8. Her hair is falling out. Her bone density is like an old lady. She doesn't ovulate. She's cold all the time. And she looks really hot. People comment all the time.

The other started dieting at 11 and stopped growing. She's 5'3. She eats 1300 calories a day and hasn't had a normal period in a long time. Her hair falls put in chunks. She's 16 now and she's a size 12.

Both of my sisters I think would be size 18s like me if they ate well. Based on our parents' they should be between 5'7-5'10. And they are literally killing themselves to be size 8 and size 12.

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:30 am

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

And this is why I'm pushing so hard even if SouthernBubby gives dozens of reasons why I'm being unfair and unreasonable to stores and I can shop online.
I have a 15 year old daughter. She's a size 16. If I told her the only places we can shop were ASOS or Women's Wardrobe World in Lakewood (known to be a plus size frum store), she would push herself unhealthily to be a size 10. That's my biggest fear. Despite SouthernBubby's granddaughter supposedly not caring and being a good sport. My daughter cares. And so do her classmates, grade mates, etc.

southernbubby

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 12:01 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

But what if a group of concerned people got together and went to stores in order to create a plus size directory that would be published in the local advertising circulars? Basically whatever type of clothing that was offered in a bigger size would be listed in the directory so if maternity skirts went to size 20, that would be listed. The list would be periodically updated so that stores that wanted to offer bigger sizes could have free advertising but someone would have to pay to publish the directory.
Do you know if the stores are aware that a 20% market exists or do you think that they realize it but deliberately want to stigmatize larger women and girls? Would it help if they saw the poll?
My granddaughter says that shopping is 'annoying' and will use going to the store for driving practice. She likes buying books.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 6:15 pm

southernbubby wrote:

She might find it annoying because it's humiliating.

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 7:03 pm

I hated shopping/found it annoying until I found stores that had trendy clothes that fit me, and I found my style.
I could never understand what was enjoyable about riffling through racks and racks to find the 3 "caftan style" fat outfits to try on.
Yeah. No thanks.

I always loved shoe shopping. DSW was my favorite. I would go with my friends and finally have an inkling of what was so fun going to the mall.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Apr 15 2021, 9:06 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

With a size 13 shoe, I sadly don't get to enjoy that experience too often either Sad

Bright side - no fat shaming there... I miss payless - they carried big shoe sizes!!