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Zehava

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:12 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

There's some of that, I definitely merge with everyone when I am conversing with them. But I think that's more because of my mazal, my sign is one of the water signs that takes the shape of whatever vessel it's in.

But while I spent my childhood feeling near the bottom of the social ladder, I didn't conform THEN. I conformed as a later teen, to pull my way out of dysfunction. Made big life choices based on conforming, and they worked, and now I'm in over my head.

If your merging is a trauma response, which usually it is, then it’s not a mazel it’s a coping mechanism

amother

Jetblack

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:15 am

amother [ Black ] wrote:

Oh wow people really seem to have a deep inner world.

I will start mine though I can't imagine it will hold anyone's interest as I am likely the most boring person you have ever met (virtually). Literally nothing to write about myself. I'm not deep so maybe that's why. No talents or skills. Um what else..I am a real people pleaser. Very not controlling. I'm easy going and also easily swayed. I'm generally considered a nice person. Nothing amazing, like no one would rave about me "Shes such a wonderful special person..." just regular nice and good. I said no talents or skills and I mean no skills literally. There isnt anything I can say about myself that I'm better than anyone else at or that I stand out for. I am good at sitting on a couch if that counts. I don't have creative talents, I don't have a great outgoing nature and I'm not great with people. I'm not a deep intellectual type at all. I'm not good at writing or expressing myself.
I wonder as I'm writing this- am I the only person who has no "Type"? anyone else so typically boring?
I am the most unopinionated person out there.
I don't have close friends though I fantasize about close relationships and wish I had. I have had the opportunities to, yet I don't seem to know how to form close relationships and open up to people.
physically- average height (obviously) and weight. average looks. Not too pretty but BH not ugly. With makeup done right I can say I look very good.
I try to grow in my avodas Hashem but I am very slow at it.
Hope it was nice to meet me!

Hey, you are a great writer!

Yes there are many people like you.
They are Type 9

The way they get healthy is by incorporating Type 3 behaviors like

Showing their talents.
(The opposite of saying I'm not a writer...)

Adding their two cents even if they think it doesn't matter.

9s also have a talent to understand both sides equally so that is why you may think you don't have an opinion but in reality you have an opinion and deep down you know it you just afraid to voice it.

Its important that you voice it. It matters.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:15 am

Zehava wrote:

If your merging is a trauma response, which usually it is, then it’s not a mazel it’s a coping mechanism

Tell me more about that...

amother

Copper

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:19 am

Outside I look very nerdy and shy. I rarely speak in public and keep to myself. I am fat and don't dress well. Inside I'm very complex. I'm very artistic and wish that I developed my passion more. I love to debate and I love being anonymous online and joining intellectual discussions and debates. I know a lot about everything and love googling and finding answers for people. I secretly arrange chessed for people that need it, not because I'm modest but because I'm too timid to do anything publicly. I have a lot to offer the world but I usually keep it all to myself. I work out of my house and spend a lot of time being my true self behind the safety of my screen. I'm very active on facebook and have a common name. Many people know me both online and in real life but don't realize I'm the same person. I don't post pictures of myself online and I appear to have a totally different personality. The funniest thing was when someone asked me if I'm related to this person online that has the same name as me. She could not get over that it was me.

Zehava

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:44 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

Tell me more about that...

Google the 4Fs. You’re fawn

amother

Pewter

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:50 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Im also a 9. I related a lot to whay she said in terms of not being opinionated. On the other hand, I love to debate in intellextual discussions and do have many talents, bH.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:59 am

I somewhat like this thread.

I'm 5'5 and leaning towards the chunkier weight. Yea, got some baby fat on me.

Sometimes I feel good about myself while other times not so much. I'm a very easy going person and generally like to please people but learnt to set fair boundaries.

I'm not a big talker, but when I start I often can't stop, and I hate it. People know how to, indirectly, yenta. Yes, lady, I realized that. I learnt to be careful to who I say what. Though I am a good listener and show empathy.

I like the outdoors
I like to swim
I like to sing and think I carry a tune pretty well. ( atleast my husband holds I can sing)
I like traveling
I like dealing with little kids/children, randomly. Though don't see being a teacher or babysit fit for me.
I like sports

I don't take compliments so well, although I'd love to, atleast when it's deserved. I rather brush it away. Low self-esteem much?

I blush easily
I become emotional easily, but like very
I get annoyed pretty easy

I live very much in the present, not thinking much about the future. It doesn't always serve me well.

I hate the kitchen
I like to lazy
But I do what I gotta do cuz I've got duties.

I love fun. I think of myself as a fun person. I have some sarcasm and humor in me. I enjoy being around good people, and I think people like to be around me.

I feel like I'm a weird person. Ain't I? Hiding

amother

Denim

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 2:47 am

People say I'm amazing. I roll my eyes inside when I hear that.
I've been blessed with a lot of creativity and enough talent to make things happen.
I write, speak, draw, code, and teach.
My biggest challenge though is being a good mother.
My kids are the highlight of my life but I'm so handicapped in household stuff and structure. So my kids are very loved but very independent and capable.
I'm an introvert but need people, but I live deep OOT with nobody local to talk to. Imamother fills some of that void for me.
I look 6 months pregnant, but I have looked that way (or bigger) for almost 4 years now, and my baby is almost 1!
I wear a short brown shaitel, no makeup, long skirts, maternity size shirts (don't tell) and crocs.
I'm on the short end of average.
I love reading and pizza and cheap chocolate.
I second-guess myself all the time and can tell you pretty much every time I goofed in my life.
But I think big and I still have hopes that I'll get my act together some day!

English3

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 5:11 am

I am confident and principled. I give a very organised impression, not sure why people always say my house is always organised without ever seeing it. Oh well I know the truth😊.
People always share their life stories and secrets with me with out me ever asking them. I know most of my workmates shalom bayis and health issues.
I am very scheduled and have a routine for my kids, supper is always ready before kids come home etc.
I am very good looking with makeup.
I sing , draw and love baking, my cakes always look professional.
I am terrible at writin and always find it hard to express myself but when I speak I can convince people a lot.
I like to make people aware about stuff and I have a lot of knowledge.
I am street smart
I give a very easygoing and calm impression.
I am quiet health minded.
I have a lot of friends.
Friends think I am wealthy not sure
I always feel guilty that I am not a good enough mom

PeanutMama

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 6:03 am

Eh. I’m blah I guess.
I’m not skinny but not fat. Borderline overweight
Have glasses where one eye is worse than the other so my eyes might look weird. Lol.
I pass for sephardi cuz I’m not light skinned like everyone else here. lol.
I dress chasidish but more “me”. Plain short brown shaitel. But still perfectly tznius according to the basics of what my community does: collarbone covered and sleeves below the elbow and tights/stockings (really everyone just does their own thing I just do what’s comfy for me) BH
I have dark spots on my face now so I have to use makeup to feel good enough to go out. (Hey, pregnancy, WHY this of all things?!)

I’m shy. Painfully so. It takes a while for me to warm up to new friends and neighbors. I am A W K W A R D in the beginning. I barely talk unless I’m spoken to.
I hate talking on the phone— I feel put on the spot! I have to take a deep breath and say “JUST DO IT ALREADY OMG WHATS THE BIG DEAL”
In short I’m not really that social. I like to keep to myself. But it depends on the person. If the person I meet is warm and bubbly and happy and lively I tend to open up more cuz I feel so comfortable with them. You know what I mean? I actually get intimidated by the more formal types, the types that won’t talk to you but will look at you or the types that just talk to you but there’s no warmth from them or something idk lololol. I guess it’s a self confidence thing. Still working on that.
But over time if that person keeps reaching out to me and inviting us for shabbos and all that I warm up more and more until I can be myself. But I don’t talk too loud or laugh too loud but sometimes I forget hehe.
People say I’m really tznius personality wise.

I don’t have so many friends. Maybe 2-3 at the most. I can’t see myself having more than 5-10 women as friends lol it would be way too much.

I get overwhelmed easily. When I’m in a fast place I’m lost (hi airport.) unless someone is with me. When someone is talking too fast or too quietly it’s quite hard for me to follow. I have hearing loss.
I love bear hugs but I hate side hugs. People don’t really hug each other here. I’m always hugging my husband whenever he comes home. I forget most of the time. It’s a way for me to calm down lol. BH he gives the BEST bear hugs.

I’m sensitive. I like to make people smile. I smile a lot it gets awkward. My teachers used to say I have a soft heart. I’m easygoing. Somewhat. Like I’m fine with someone if they’re fine with me. If they’re not fine with me then I avoid them lol. I’m fine with decisions and I leave most of the big decisions to my husband. I can’t decide between 2 difficult choices lol, like what to cook or which insurance plan to take or what dentist etc. I get overwhelmed when I can’t decide. But I’m fine with whatever. Like I don’t get mad if shabbos plans are cancelled or I don’t get upset when my son takes out an entire pack of wipes or tissues.
I like to laugh. I read books like oxygen. I like drama novels that keep you on the edge of the chair. I like art but I don’t draw or paint. And music. I have a love hate relationship with the kitchen. I cook when I’m in the mood hehe. Like 3x a week at the most Shabbos included. Dishes and laundry are my most hated chores but I gotta do it 🤷‍♀️
But I like to clean.
I’m not working at the moment. I used to do babysitting with a few small chores and I used to work in a home for special needs women back when I was single. I would definitely go back but the hours are not mommy baby friendly. Like 3pm to 10pm or 12-8pm. I’m open to doing part time but I’m not even sure it would help with bills lol.

I guess that’s it.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 8:00 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

Quote:

My daughter is going thru this. Outside live happy go lucky life of the party ansmd inside feels depressed and unloved even though she knows so many people love her. Any suggestions for her? She’s 14

Therapy. Call RELIEF for a recommendation, take to daughter out to lunch or a coffee shop and talk to her you feel she’s in pain or unhappiness, and open the dialogue. Talk about how therapists are doctors doe the soul, and you would totally support her going if she wants to, and be involved whatever capacity (none if necessary!) she desires. You’ll pay foe her and drive her - it’s important she feel better.

If this convo feels weird to you maybe book a session with a therapist yourself to script how such a conversation might go if you want it to be successful.

This is the greatest gift you can give her!

She’s already seeing a wonderful therapist

Busy@mom

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 8:09 am

Ok I'm doing this to boost my self esteem so it may sound like im bragging 😂😂...

On the outside: I'm 23 with 3 kids. Overweight and hating my body. I look like a happy go lucky living the perfect life.
On the inside I'm depressed and anxious all the time. I'm compassionate, a good listener, I love to give but im stingy for myself. I'm self aware of my many issues... I'm artistic. Love to paint. Love to sing ( although there is nothing I can do with my nice voice being a very frum, chassidish woman)
I always assume the best in ppl but take everything with a grain of salt. Im very good at making decisions.,im a a pen and paper type. I guess im easy going , like we bought the first house we ever looked at. Im a ppl pleaser, trying to fit in. Im very empathetic to others but not to myself. I love helping ppl. I love feeling accomplished but im also lazy to do things. I'm quite social but I only have 1 friend. I want to be a therapist one day.
I feel like I don't use my talents enough...

Some days I feel like its not worth living☹☹☹.
Go ahead and roast me😃

amother

Black

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 8:19 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Yes I'm most definitely a 9 thru and thru.

Showing my talents? Have none to show. I keep trying to think of one but not succeeding! It's not low self esteem that's saying that- it's an honest evaluation of myself. (I think)

Re opinions, you are right- the truth is that the rare occasion when I do have an opinion I am afraid to voice it. But it's so rare so its' fine.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 8:32 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

I never took any quiz but I identify much with this.

amother

Jetblack

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 8:42 am

amother [ Black ] wrote:

All the bolded phrases are erroneous beliefs.

amother

Peach

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 8:53 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

I am amazed at how in touch everyone is with herself!

Why? You don't know any of these women. For all you know, every one who posted here could be either delusional or fabricating her entire "profile" just for the fun of it.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 9:19 am

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

Why? You don't know any of these women. For all you know, every one who posted here could be either delusional or fabricating her entire "profile" just for the fun of it.

You can say that on every post in every thread.
There would be no point in fabricating stuff here. It’s a good place to write about yourself openly the way you’d never do irl. Silly to assume that “everyone” is fabricating. There might always be exceptions but I wouldn’t see the point in assuming everyone here is just lying or delusional.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 10:33 am

I'm 22 with 2 kids. I'm skinny and pretty and have a wonderful life.
I'm don't have any close friends because I'm too busy to keep up with them Sad

Although I'm so busy I don't feel fulfilled because my life is pretty robotic.
I love to sing and dance but got no time for expressing talent!
I'm an excellent cook and love to patchka with 5 course suppers.
I wish I would have more of a social life.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 11:53 am

I’m 29 - I’m loving being almost 30. I see the outside pressures effecting me less every day bh!
I’m married - dh is an amazing guy. He’s an over achiever with an amazing career. He struggles with pretty sever anxiety which he’s medicated for
I have 3 children- my children are a really gift. I don’t thank Hashem enough.
How I look- 5”4 size 6-8. Would love to loose a few lbs. I update my wardrobe every season so I look with the times.. I look Jewish. Dark hair, light eyes. I wear a full face of makeup daily.
Work- I work in a job that uses my talents. I get praised for my “beautiful work” all the time. The compliments almost always mean nothing to me.

My personality- it changes often lol. Currently I’m introverted. Probably cuz I spent too much time on Pesach with family. I spent all my time outside of work chasing pavement. Basically life is busy, kids are very full time. I love it then I hate it then I love it again. Overall I’m very blessed. I’m surrounded by a lot of perfectionist which in the past has negatively impacted my view on my home etc. I’ve learned to love myself more and be easier on myself. Overall I’m probably pretty average when it comes to housework but I have cleaning help which helps keep my life somewhat calmer ..

Eta- my sisters are my whole world. How did I forget this. It’s literally “who I am”
I haven’t starting investing time into friendships until very very recently bec I always had my sisters but now I’m seeing how sometimes having friends outside of family is very good too

naturalmom5

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 2:19 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

Why? You don't know any of these women. For all you know, every one who posted here could be either delusional or fabricating her entire "profile" just for the fun of it.

Who knows maybe they are just bored bochurim fantasizing about shiduchim LOL

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