Do you know geirim and BTs in real life?

Rappel

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 1:57 pm

essie14 wrote:

I do not understand why someone would want to be in a community where she has to hide being a convert.
Why doesn't that mother put her kids in a school that appreciates them?

I don't know.

When Nissim Black first made aliyah, there were some news articles about his kids having trouble getting into haredi schools.

DH read about it. He came to me, white-faced, and asked if our kids would have trouble in school because of his geirut.

I wanted to cry.

Thank G-d, we live in communities where that's not even a question. It would be unthinkable for them to deny any child.

But the idea of any parent having to go through that stress and fear? For what? It's awful.

PeanutMama

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 2:01 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Chassidish.

We’re chasidish too and we have a 20 month old boy, and I’m mamash already worrying about schools, and whenever I ask someone in real life if my kid will be accepted in schools I get told stuff like yes he will be taken in, don’t WORRY about it,
your kid will be fine....

REALLY THO???? Really????

I guess my neighbors and friends don’t know any bt or ger they can ask directly Sad

amother

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 2:08 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

Your children will get into a school, but it will be hard and it can very well be that they will have a hard time once there. I'm sure you're already aware of this. It helps to be close to a Rov, follow school rules (like not having unfiltered phone, etc.), behave like the rest of the parent body, have your children dressed similar to other children, etc.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 2:30 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Yup...

I think I know myself..

I might even know DH

Came here to say this! I know a BT... every time I look in the mirror. Very Happy

I used to live in Seattle, where the Vaad did all of the conversions for the entire west coast. I know a family who even moved from Mexico, leaving excellent careers behind, to convert in Seattle, where they didn't know a soul. B'H, they live in Jerusalem now. Actually, almost all of the gerim I know have made Aliyah.

When I lived there I always had an open house, so people in the geirus program were constantly at my Shabbos table, and as soon as their conversions went through, I had them by me for holidays. Such beautiful neshamas you never did see! It was always an honor to have them.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 2:33 pm

Rappel wrote:

Nissim is a friend of mine. I used to babysit his kids. It broke my heart to hear that his beautiful family was treated like that. The Browns (his inlaws) had a very hard time too. B'H, they are doing much better in Beit Shemesh Aleph.

Funny story. I was driving in a car with a bunch of friends of mine. We saw a group of African American people walking down the street, and one of my friends said "Hey, it's the Blacks and the Browns!" Another friend said "OMG, you can't say things like that!"

First friend said "Um, that's their actual names." LOL

PeanutMama

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 2:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

WOW okay 😅 first of all I do dress regular frum not all the way “out there” AND my phone DOES have filtered internet through apple restrictions and my husband has the passcode if I need a site.

Parents have to behave a certain way?? How??? I’d love to know more about this but I’ll ask in the chasidish forum later.
Can’t believe kids clothing matters at that age Sad

I don’t dress my kid to the nines but he’s BH dressed and happy. But if it takes that much for my kid to fit in and not be bullied by other children because of his shoes or clothes or the color kippah he wears (I like the solid color ones. Not the ones with the silly designs on them lol) then I guess we have no choice but to break the bank remember we are NOT rich and we cannot afford those 60$ baby sets or 40$ pants which is why I go to the cheapest frum stores.

I find nice stuff at Carter’s but I recently walked by the store and saw it was really empty inside.

I might’ve read into this response a little too literally and deeply, so sorry if I’m super defensive☹️

when people insinuate we converts are not “frum” enough no matter where we are, to ANYBODYS standards not just chasidish.... I take it all wrong. Sorry again 😫

amother

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 2:58 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

Yes you read into this comment way too much.
Black velvet chassidish kapplach are fine if you are chassidish.
I have no idea how you dress. I just meant normal.
You need the filter the school approves or a heter from a dayan.
Your child needs the stupit things that are in style for children like the storytime cards if that's what's in.
And yes, sometimes mosdos will pick on kids if no one is on the sides. With a dayan on your side, you'll be in a better situation.

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 3:07 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

I'm a giyoret and I just found this poll mildly amusing. Comes to think of it, everyone I know knows at least one ger (me! It's a logical conundrum). Never met people who haven't LOL

Same here. I’m a BT and my first reaction was is this poll for FFB only? Because I definitely know myself (or at least I think I do 😉)

Notsobusy

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 3:25 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

I could be wrong, but I don't think it's as hard in Boro Park as in Yerushalayim. Especially being that you're not looking to get into the really chassidish schools.

PeanutMama

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 5:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hey my kid is not even in school. I’ve been told by my mashpia that we don’t have to worry about getting a frum filter on my phone but when my kid is gonna enter school then we can speak about it further.
We do have a Rav and mashpia...
I’ve seen plenty chasidish children on my block wearing colored solid kippahs with their name on it or their initials and I find it cute actually I’ve been told by my friend in willi that it’s only satmar chasidus that’s strict with only all black kippahs from the day they enter cheder.

We are all still Jews. We still say the same brachos and do the same Yom tovs sure we can eat different foods and daven different but main point is we have hashem and his Torah and we converts should be treated with respect not like babies who need to learn everything like saying “oh hashem means god.” We are not bugs under a microscope who needs to be looked at from every single angle to see if we are kosher enough.

amother

Pewter

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 5:31 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

I’m saying this with love as another geyoris who in another life may have happily lived in Williamsburg.
It’s much harder in the chasidish world, and I don’t think it’s because they are bad in any way but because the chasidish world has so many more cultural aspects. When we convert, religiously we are 100% Jewish but culturally we probably aren’t, at least in the beginning.

I remember one time I was in Williamsburg and I spoke to a woman and I immediately knew that she was not originally from the Williamsburg community by her accent (just a very American accent). She looked totally Hasidic to me, but I was only frum for like 3 years and I could tell she was probably a BT. How much more so could someone from Williamsburg tell?

My rabbi at neve used to discourage girls from becoming hasidish just because the cultural changes were so hard. If you can do it, kol hakavod, but there will be more challenges there than in a litvish community or a more OOT community (even like queens which has many BT).

zaq

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 6:26 pm

Of course I do. Probably everyone does, but not everyone knows it. People are entitled to keep mum about their background, and if they've assimilated seamlessly into frum society, more power to them. I'm not investigating Miriam Yehudit Moseson's HS diploma to see if it says "Madonna Christine Abbott," and neither should you unless your ds is a Kohen and wants to date her.

amother

Blush

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:34 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

Please do not worry. You have a Rav and stuff, it should work out well for you. Sometimes there is difficulties for some people, and for others it goes easy.

amother

Blush

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:43 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

My mother is a BT and father is a ger. My in laws are both geirim . The other day my DHs coworker came over to him to vent because he likes my DH and respects him. He was kvetching to him about having difficulties with finding a shidduch for his daughter . He was saying that finally finally she had a shidduch redt to her and all things look great, but one of the parents were m’gayer and he can’t let her think of going out with someone like that. My DH was quiet and didn’t say a word that he is exactly like that guy being redt. The child of geirim. If only this man would know. We are normal Jews and don’t have horns. I promise.

My dh had similar. Man told him essentially he would never allow his children to marry someone like dh although he might consider our children, you know because my dh looks so jewish (0% biology, but lots of jews assume this from his looks) it must have been obvious he is a born jew he was speaking with. Dh never did business with him again, it was too painful.

JoyInTheMorning

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 2:33 am

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

Why are you so angry?

Where are you getting anger from my post???

Why would I be angry? I’m FFB, so I’ve never experienced the slights that BTs and geirim that I know have experienced. I would say, rather, that I am aghast at anyone who categorizes people in this way, and that I am terribly sorry that BTs and geirim are ever made to feel “other”ed.