Rabbi asking female teens to babysit at shul

amother

Yellow

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 12:06 pm

If there’s a program in place then they can hire someone to do it. Otherwise toddlers don’t belong in Shul.
Maybe they can offer chesed hours to those girls that WANT to do the program

Elfrida

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 12:11 pm

Quote:

3. Mention to the shul administration that they should consider offering payment for babysitting and anyone that is interested should contact them (rather than approaching girls who otherwise might feel obligated because it's the Rabbi asking).

Out of the options you suggest, I would probably consider this the best. I find it sad though, that people are demanding to be paid instead contributing to the community.
But I do think it should be a regular position, with someone who wants to do it making a regular commitment, not just a random selection of girls.

Lady A

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 12:24 pm

I went through this as ‘the older single girl’. At one shul I don’t go to anymore. I would also be randomly selected to set up the kiddush as well.

I didn’t mind once in awhile. But the babysitting needs to be prioritized by parents. Girls do not equal slaves. The moms should take turns and pay a responsible teen to assist. And not pay $10 for the morning. A real rate.

amother

Pearl

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 12:25 pm

Elfrida wrote:

Quote:

Why shouldn’t they get paid to babysit? It’s a service. The rabbi doesn’t work for free.

amother

Pearl

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 12:28 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wanted tell DD to not do it and ignore the request since she never had a say to begin with and was not asked directly. But she relented and gave up half her morning to babysit (though I did not see any parent with toddler age children acutally inside the shul davening).

If they’re offered free babysitting then they’re entitled to do whatever they want with that time. But your daughter getting pulled out of davening so they can get more shabbos schluff seems messed up.

Elfrida

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 12:59 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

Why shouldn’t they get paid to babysit? It’s a service. The rabbi doesn’t work for free.

The Rabbi is employed by the community to perform certain tasks.

Hopefully a member of the community would feel a degree of pride and responsibility in being able to make a personal contribution to the growth and welfare of the community which she also benefits from.

In the shul I grew up in, the Rabbi, chazan, secretary, and caretaker were the only paid jobs. Everything else was done on a voluntary basis by members of the shul. We felt pride in and commitment to our community. And yes, as an older teenager I ran the toddlers service for a few years. I got money to buy them orange juice and biscuits. It never occurred to me to ask for payment. As a child I had benefitted from those services. Now it was my chance to give back.

But this isn't really helping the OP with her dilemma.

Last edited by Elfrida on Sun, Apr 25 2021, 1:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

Lady A

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 2:47 pm

Payment for babysitting ensures parents respect the caretakers and know that the people in charge of the kids take it seriously too. I have found people don’t value your time, especially unmarried girls, if they do this for free.

amother

Purple

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 6:29 pm

abound wrote:

Many teens like to daven, when approached to babysit, they should say no.
Many teens do not enjoy davening with a minyan, but enjoy children and are happy to do a chessed. They can do a chessed.
Both options are good options, depending on the person.
Your daughter needs to tell her friend, I dont mind that I did it on a one off thing but I would rather daven in shul so please find someone else to do it with you for the rest of the time. She can be nice and assertive at the same time.
Rabbi can ask girls to babysit, If he does not have girls to do it so the moms will have to take turns or just not come to shul....NOt a big deal. He tried his luck and it worked.

The problem is that most girls would find it hard to say no to a Rabbi. It puts the girls on the spot.

pinkpeonies

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 7:29 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

My DD despises babies, and only barely tolerates children if they are relatives, and she can deal with them only in small amounts of time. She would definitely need an adult to back her up.

despises? thats a strong term...

HonesttoGod

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:51 pm

She was asked.
That means she can say yes or no. Obviously she wants to say no so there’s the answer.

As for whether the rabbi should be asking or not well he’s trying to make the shul as accessible and welcoming as possible. I know many shuls that offer a babysitting service and children services too. It’s a nice and community minded thing that many volunteer to help with and if asked and they don’t want to , they say no.

Iymnok

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:27 am

That’s beautiful that she wants to daven in shul. I would not encourage her to miss it. As above, the Shul has other options that if the community wanted it enough, they could come up with something.

amother

Tan

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:21 am

It really just depends on the person actually doing the babysitting. in my situation, it turned out to be a little bit "cool" to do the afternoon program and I was sort of part of a chevra (with free sunday trips) so it turned out to be a pretty fun experience all together and I didn't get paid

camp123

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 4:40 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Nothing wrong with asking teens to do a Chessed. You need to teach her to say no if she doesn’t want to.

Teens have a chiuv to daven and mothers have a chiuv to look after their own kids instead of davenning. If she wants to daven let her do that she should not be asked to babysit.

BadTichelDay

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 5:54 am

Huh? Just want to say, I basically haven't been to shul on a normal Shabbat for nearly 9 years (in other words, since I have children). Before I had children, I went nearly every Shabbat. My kids are noisy and unruly and I wouldn't dream of imposing them on anyone or having them disrupt davening. Our shul expects mothers to take care of their own. A lot of women sit outside shul in the yard with their small children. Others, like me, stay at home. Inside shul you'll find nearly exclusively older ladies and unmarried girls. The age bracket between those two points is largely missing.
On YT, dh and I take turns at different minyan times or shuls.
If the shul would provide paid babysitters, that would be great. But it doesn't seem realistic in our setting.

Chayalle

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:36 am

I honestly think any teen that wants to daven Shabbos morning should be encouraged to do so. She will B"EH have plenty of years when she will be otherwise occupied. Now is the time for her to develop her relationship with Tefillah and Hashem.

If there are teens who are not inclined to daven in shul and have the time, great. But there should be no pressure associated with this position.

watergirl

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:39 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

No. It's not free babysitting stam. It is shabbos morning groups so the mothers can daven and their kids will be watched. To leave your kids and go shmooze is taking advantage of the programs.

liora25

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:43 am

Unless she wants to , she really shouldn’t be expected to , we all have our turn and her turn is not now ... especially if she wants to do Daven and enjoy being at shul without any responsibilities ... her turn for that is now