Rabbi asking female teens to babysit at shul

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 11:54 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Well, my main question then is, how should I address it?

1. Should I discuss with the rabbi directly- as in:
a) Next time please ask each individual party involved?
b) please don't ask my DD to babysit as she doesn't enjoy it and is at shul to daven

2. Encourage DD to address it with her friend and emphasize that her friend is not allowed to speak for her. I anticipate this would be awkward for both girls and probably make her friend feel really bad when, in reality, the friend was put in a potentially awkward position to babysit because the Rabbi asked her (yet she is the type that enjoys little kids) and oops, she totally forgot to run it by my DD...

3. Mention to the shul administration that they should consider offering payment for babysitting and anyone that is interested should contact them (rather than approaching girls who otherwise might feel obligated because it's the Rabbi asking).

I would deal with it as 2 separate issue.
1. Address it with the shul. Either the rabbi or shul administrator. The girls need to be asked individually and each give their own consent.
There also should be guidelines. If they're volunteer vs being paid then a dad can not bring his kids to shul so his wife can sleep late. (I do disagree with teenagers babysitting so moms can be in shul but that's a separate issue)
2. You should encourage your daughter to make her wants and feelings known. She should be encouraged to talk to her friend that in the future the friend can not accept the position on her behalf.

southernbubby

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:23 pm

It sounds haphazardly organized. A program that is well run, either by volunteers or by paid workers attracts people. Nobody wants to be taken advantage of and parents might shove their kids into a room that is run by teens and then get majorly upset if anything goes wrong.
Single women and elderly women do not attend shul in order to allow young mothers to sleep in. People should stop expecting that.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:31 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Totally agree.

Our shul has programs for kids over age 3, and babysitting in a playroom for ages 1-3. The program leaders and the babysitters are paid. Nobody cares, as far as I know, what mothers do while children are in groups or babysitting, because nobody is being imposed on.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 1:29 pm

I strongly feel that the Rabbi should not be asking specific girls. He can arrange for a call to go out to teen girls for interviews in the shul flier.
As others have said, it is hard to say no to the Rabbi. And he should not be putting girls on the spot to give up their davening for babysitting other women's children.