Owning a smart phone impact parenting

amother

NeonOrange

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 10:45 am

I agree with the poster who said we tend to over romanticize the past. Sure, my parents obviously didn't have smartphones in the 90s, but they still shooed us off to play so they could read a magazine, watch a TV show, yak on the land line with a friend. What difference does it make that a parent today does the same thing so they can scroll through Facebook?

Mommyg8

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 10:46 am

zaq wrote:

Like any technology, smartphones are a double-edged sword. As Socrates is credited with saying, "Know thyself." If the phone is going to take over your life, do what you need to do to make sure it doesn't. If you can take it or leave it and it's not a problem for you, carry on as normal.

Smartphones in and of themselves aren't inherently evil any more than landline phones in and of themselves, are inherently evil. I have no doubt that when the telephone was first introduced, various authorities opposed them because they would be a new vehicle for gossip and slander. For all we know, when the postal service was first introduced, various authorities opposed that, too, for the same reason.

And the printing press....

amother

Gardenia

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 10:47 am

I have a smartphone but it has the tag filter so I can’t do much apart form check my email. I’m currently posting from a tablet. Which I do use when I’m home with the kids. But if we’re outside then I can’t get online. I often don’t take my phone with me if I go out anyway. So no, a smartphone doesn’t affect anything for me.

SwissAlps

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 10:50 am

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

I was around long before cellphones, and raised my older kids without cellphones. I can't say they had my full attention though even at the time- I still napped when they were around, read a ton of books, etc. I'm not sure it's even healthy for kids to have their parents full attention all day long.

It certainly isn't healthy for parents to expect their kids' friends' parents to watch them with full attention all the time, if they are no longer little kids (say, five years old). It's fine for a pair of seven year olds to play in the playroom on their own, with a parent peeking in every hour.

I do think many parents today tend to be on their phone during errands such as carpooling or walking with a stroller, and that's a pity. Much of the best quality time with kids is in the car, or cooing over the baby as you push his stroller.

So while I think people tend to romanticize the past, as though all parents did was parent in their spare time, I still agree that cellphone use has gotten out of hand. For many, it does impact parenting negatively. (OTOH, it has so many other advantages that balance it out).

And I always feel guilty when I'm on the phone when my kids are around, but the truth is that on shabbos I'm also either reading or napping when they are around. I am mostly on my phone because I love to read and don't have enough books and I find my kids play and explore a lot more when I am busy.

Can't help but feel guilty though. Especially when I'm holding my baby and my baby starts looking over my shoulder.

thunderstorm

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 10:51 am

I agree fully that I’m not as present because of my smartphone. I am strongly considering enforcing rules for myself to lock it up once I get home and only take it out once my kids are asleep. Working on it.

But I do want to say that I have a bad relationship with the regular phone because my mother was ALWAYS on the phone when I was growing up and it took away from her being present as well. And people weren’t bashing telephones in those days.

amother

Mimosa

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 10:57 am

I have access to a lot more knowledge so that helps me parent but on the whole very very negative Sad

It’s not just my kids. I feel like I had less meaningful relationships with friends since I got a smartphone. More voice messages and forwards but less teal meaningful vulnerable conversations. Maybe it’s just that I’m 10 years older and it would have happened anyway?

amother

Mimosa

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:00 am

Reading through the thread it seems like those who are naturally anxious/ depressed or have a hard time being around their kids all day see it as a positive while most of those who naturally enjoy being around their kids see it as decidedly negative. Interesting.

amother

Tulip

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:31 am

I agree it’s a double edged sword. I do appreciate though that I can do work from anywhere. If I were tethered to my computer when I’m waiting for an important email, I’d have to stay home and wait for it. Instead, we can go to the park. Yes, you probably are looking down at me because I’m typing on my phone while kids are playing, but I still think it’s a better alternative than keeping them inside the house all day.

smss

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:32 am

All of you self-hating imamother users:

I'm assuming you're still here because something here is filling a need for you. Maybe by being more discerning about which discussions you get involved in, or even which threads you click on in the first place, or which threads you even see (which is a setting I believe it's possible to change), you can get more of what's working for you and less of what's not.

amother

Bergamot

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:36 am

smss wrote:

We can admit that it's toxic and not good for us and admit that we're not ready to give it up at the moment. We're honest with ourselves. I don't participate in every thread and I don't open every thread. But many times, normal innocent threads go downhill super fast. Many posters are always nasty and have an excessive need to be rude and mean all the time.

amother

Foxglove

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:37 am

Zehava wrote:

On a day to day basis I’m probably on the phone too much.
But.
If not for my phone I’d be parenting the way I was parented.
And I would not be living life as it’s meant to be lived.

Can you elaborate? I learned a lot from Insta parenting accounts and courses which I take on my phone. Curious what it is for you.

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:42 am

happy chick wrote:

If anyone says a smartphone doesn't impact their parenting, they're not being honest w themselves. It impacts not only parenting, but every single part of our lives.

Yes, it impacts every part of our lives. But that also includes for the better in many instances. From my ability to relax and go on imamother in bed, buy clothes for the kids while waiting for appointments, to pay my credit card bill from the grocery store, many things are better/easier because of smart phones.

Ravenclaw

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:48 am

It does make me less attentive.
But I chose “no impact” and here’s why. I have only had a smartphone for around 25% of the years I’ve been raising my kids. Before the phone I was distracted by regular phone and was on hotlines all the time. Then I got a dumb cell phone with text and I was busy with that. Then I got rid of it was was distracted by books. By magazines. By my music. By baking fancy concoctions. By shmoozing with neighbors.
Now I struggle by being busy with my smartphone.

But I am not less attentive now than I was back then, actually I am more attentive now because I’ve been working on myself and on recognizing why I feel the need to constantly escape. So it isn’t the smartphone, it’s everything else.

amother

Daffodil

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:49 am

amother [ DarkOrange ] wrote:

Yes, a lot of the stresses & pressure our parents had with constant errands, looking up info, trying to find info, running to different stores to find specific items on a time limit is now not an issue thanks to smartphones.

amother

Sienna

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:54 am

I'm in my 40s and raised my kids without having a smartphone because I didn't get on until recently. So I can't speak for that.
But: my mother was CONSTANTLY on the phone when I was growing up, and by this I mean the landline. Some of my earliest memories are of coming into the house and following the cord to find where my mother was talking (whenever we got a new phone she always ran out to buy the longest cord in the market). When we got early cordless phones, I had to hunt for her.
So you can easily neglect your children with or without a cellphone.