What is your major life challenge currently?

amother

Amaryllis

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 7:16 am

Living in constant horror fear terror and flashbacks in the aftermath of my childhood zxual abuse.
It’s tentacles reach into every crevice of my psyche and have destroyed me. Zehu

amother

Nemesia

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 7:36 am

My husband's health. He had emergency surgery last year and we didn't know if he would survive. He's been in the hospital twice since then. He's home now and he's not an easy patient.

amother

Ebony

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 7:38 am

Siblings shidduchim. (No dad)

Ds going through some stuff, and we’re trying to do right by him, but every day finding out more…..and he’s kind of distanced himself Sad

.

Hashem will help us all! Iyh!

amother

Tomato

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 8:03 am

Right now I'm having a difficult first trimester. Dehydrated even though I'm drinking a lot, feeling a bit lightheaded sometimes. Really not feeling good. BH first trimester is almost over... Hoping I'll be able to settle after. Also dealing with general anxiety (can't take meds yet bc they interact with my nausea meds...). And our 5 yo is of a more anxious nature too (thanks, self😭), and is having some big feelings rn which makes parenting a bit more difficult... BH in general she's a happy, loving, caring, fun kid, just going through a difficult time now with me being sick. Sending you all hugs and positive thoughts❤️💞

amother

Holly

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 8:08 am

Gaining a healthy amount of weight in my pregnancy. After years of eating disorders, trying to allow myself to gain weight (while not going overboard now that I am giving myself permission to eat what I want) so my baby will be healthy.

amother

Azalea

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 12:08 pm

Wow. Reading all these answers I'm just more aware of how grateful I need to be. I pray that Hashen give you all the strength to continue on and sends yeshuos quick!
My hardest challenge was post partum depression

amother

Garnet

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 12:21 pm

my husbands suspenders...

amother

Bisque

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 12:37 pm

So many…

I’m currently unmarried and have no children, and I’m worried that if I don’t marry soon, I will never have children. That’s by far my biggest stress.

Also, like a previous commenter, my brother is in jail. It’s not something I can just “put out of my mind” because it is affecting my shidduch prospects and I struggle between being there for my brother and not really wanting a relationship with him.

All of the above mentioned things has had a huge impact on my anxiety, which I have always struggled with, to varying degrees.

Bh, I’m doing well professionally and I am healthy and I know I have a lot going for me in other areas.

amother

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 12:51 pm

Wow, you sound like a darling person with a sweet personality. How about sharing who you are
personality wise, (anonymously, of course) and what kind of person are you looking for?
Maybe one of us knows of a good prospective shidduch for you...

amother

Navy

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 12:58 pm

Staying focused on a task for a substantial amount of time without diverting my attention to peripheral details of any sort. Trusting that Hashem is in control.

amother

Navy

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:04 pm

amother [ Garnet ] wrote:

my husbands suspenders...

You're sometin' else! Very Happy

amother

Thistle

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:18 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Major challenges now.
My baby had a major surgery yesterday. Bh it was very successful but it's hard seeing her so out of it and being in the hospital with her.
Someone smashed into me on sunday while I was driving. My first accident ever. I am driving 15 years. Bh bh bh we are all ok. I had 2 kids with me, but now I have no car and insurance is gonna be a fight cuz itvwas a taxi with no normal insurance.
Otherwise I have one super challenging child.

Refuah sheleima. Hope it’s a quick, easy and smooth recovery. My baby had surgery very recently and it’s been nutty...we’re in survival mode since my baby was born with major medical issues and we’ve done plenty procedures/surgeries/hospitalizations, but nothing compared to this. And it’s going to be an extremely long recovery Can't Believe It

And I’m so sorry to hear of the additional stressors. As if a kid in the hospital is not enough... please Hashem help Family “seagreen”. Btdt with other craziness during an admission and it’s a lot... wishing you strength and sending virtual hugs

amother

Cerise

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:18 pm

My husband wants to leave the frum world. I’m not willing to go with him. I’m so worried about how I’ll manage alone and how my kids will grow up.
Trying my hardest to remember “I know You will protect me, I know You’re watching over me, I know that I am never alone...” but some days it’s hard, carrying everything inside me and no one else knows what I’m going through.

amother

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:43 pm

Hashem please help all those unfortunate people who are posting such sad stories they are going through!!!
People, try to keep strong- Yeshuos Hashem Kheref ayin!

amother

Alyssum

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:48 pm

I live in a small, somewhat diverse OOT community with 2 ex husbands and I have kids with both.

There's a history of DV, and I've been pretty let down by the community and by rabbis in adn outside of the community.

I have no family as I am geyores.

I look really put together, but the years of the fallout of the divorces have piled on a lot, most recently my ex, forcing me to pay ridiculous child support because in NYS 50/50 child custody means the higher earning parent pays full child support unless the lower earning parent accepts lower. I've been financially devastated and my tight budget is even tighter. And he walks around a with a black hat and a beard, and now he an his wife are trying to buy our kids love. Also, they don't even want the kids around except to sleep there (so it's considered 50/50) and treat them dysfunction-ally but since it's not overt and the kids don'tw ant drama, there's nothing I can do about it.

The second ex leveled a financially unreasonable and socially devastating blow during and following the divorce--spreading lots of loshon hara and getting a lot of support in people reporting back to him on anything I say or do--which he had used to cause more trouble in court. He looked like a fool, bu tI was out another $30k proving it.

Most people don't want to hear what's going on with me and think a therapist will solve it. Or they know and don't get it. or they know and sound sympathetic but everyone wants to get along so it's not like my exes will ever be held socially accountable for the financial attacks or motzi shem ra they've spoken about me. I'm just expected to move on, but I it's not that simple.

For a long time, I said "well, I can't expect people to stand up for me and believe me so I can't be unhappy if they dont" but tbh, I think to an extent I can expect that and them not doing that is informing what the friendship is and isn't. And the fact is if I were someones daughter or sister they'd speak up for me or at least not just gaslight me by being all fun and social and nice to these jerks including in front of my face. But I'm not, and so they don't.

so, I'm disillusioned by refrains in divrei torah about "achdus" and "ahavas yisroel" and "ahavas hageir" and this that and the other ....and one common platitude bandied about while people make figurative love to themselves giving speaches at shul or communal events about how great of a community they are: "Chassidim ein mishpachah".

And, I sit in silence. I cry a lot. And I'm so traumatized and sickened in the social/communal realms that I want to drop shabbos and kashrus...and I only keep going for the kids and because I know shabbos and kashrus aren't the issues. But the sociological ones are. I have one friend who I trust, and who understands, and I wouldn't keep going if it weren't for their support.

I'm trying to figure out where I fit in and while I've lived more of a RW life, I am more liberal in some respects. So I'm trying to find a balance of keeping actual halachah while adjusting the grey areas and sociological things to work for me in a healthy way so that I can keep going. Keep shabbos. Keep kosher. Keep my mode of dress. Keep davening. I don't think people realize the position I am in, and because of the community I can't tell some of my closer friends because I can't risk that it would come back to bite me via my ex husbands. And, like I said, I don't trust rabbis after actual experiences with them here.

(and, no I can't move, and tbh I don't think that would really solve anything--it would put a bandaid on a deeper issue of devastation and disillusionment.)

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 2:11 pm

amother [ Thistle ] wrote:

Amen! And refuah shelaima to your baby!

Surrendered

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 2:31 pm

amother Alyssum, Ouch, you're going through such such rough time, so much pain, I wish I can hug you IRL.
You are such a special person. After going through so much, you still keep forging forward and try to do what's right.
Please know that we are here for you through thick and thin. Though only virtually, we are real people and you have our support.
Youre saying that you don't have friends, Consider us your friends and keep venting. We will support you.
Keep strong!

amother

Marigold

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 2:51 pm

Unknown trauma that recently revealed itself that was so traumatizing it was completely blocked from my brain as a trauma and was hiding under another layer of genuine trauma. (B"H nothing like rape, but something that for my personality is legitimately traumatic and both situations happened when I was a kid.)

I can't get out of the current scenario that's triggering it so now I have to deal with the stress and anxiety and stomach problems that come along with it. No matter how much I or DH reassures me that the current situation is nothing like the one that happened I have this constant pit of dread in my stomach that won't go away until after everything is over with.

Being deliberately vague because it's somewhat revealing and without knowing who I am most people would probably call the current scenario a first world problem.

amother

Chicory

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 3:04 pm

Shalom bayis, difficult child, dh has PTSD, lack of organization which means chronic deep shame, loneliness.

The thing is, I like my life and am so grateful for it! I’m happy to be alive and able to work on my challenges. My biggest nisyonos are all things that I can and do make better by working on them. I think these kind of nisyonos are easier than things you ultimately have no control over, like fertility challenges. Hashem should help us all accomplish what we’re meant to in this world!

amother

Lavender

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 3:16 pm

I am going through super tough times with my shalom bayis. Its almost 10 years that I am married and have gone to so much help but DH refuses to get help for his issues, and I just realized that this will probably be my life forever.
I am mourning and grieving a loving marriage I will probably never have.
I am depleted and exhausted, and so very lonely...
I put in so much effort to treat my dh respectfully and nice, and don't get any back in return. I am desperate for some validation because I know that I could've made things worse with my reactions but chose to go for help, do the right thing, be a role model for my children, and its really not easy!!!!!!!!