My daughter's first job post school - what to do with her $?

watergirl

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:44 pm

cnc wrote:

It seems that she is not a student anymore. She presumably graduated twelfth grade and began working .

She is literally a minor child, and I have no idea if she is a student as OP did not indicate either way. But this is quite young to have graduated.

OP I’m sorry to hear about your financial situation, I know its not easy. But it is not on your children who are still children to make up for it.

amother

Apricot

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:47 pm

She should keep it.

I believe this is the time, though, to let her know what things you may not be able to finance for her. If you can't pay for seminary, or can only pay half, or have limited funds for a wedding and none for any support, she can use that knowledge to decide what to do with the money. So she keeps it, and you're not taking it from her, but she may very well end up saving it for expenses that parents may pay for but you will not.

amother

Seablue

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:51 pm

I’m with the opinion of not taking her money. Living rent free? It’s her parents. Not like she’s mooching off them they’re her parents for goodness sake. Sure you can expect her to pay for personal things but not for bills sorry.. wouldn’t you rather she save it?

amother

Brown

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:54 pm

Omg this is so so off
I would be so weirded out if my parents asked me to "contribute"
im 25
none of my friends and I mean NONE paid for "rent" to live at home or for groceries
jeez im shocked

amother

Quince

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:57 pm

My daughter is working and is in college. We help out occasionally, purchase books and pay all incidentals, but dd pays the tuition. She will be in school for many years, and we want to make sure that she is serious about it.

I would never take my kids money to pay for anything.

I grew up poor, we werent hungry thanks to food stamps, but we never got new clothes. I used my money to buy myself clothing as needed and occasionally my parents would reimburse me.

amother

Burntblack

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:02 pm

My dd is the same age and just graduated. Please funnel all the money she earns into saving for her chasuna it’s a big expense on the horizon! Please also consider getting her trained for a career that pays well so money isn’t a stress at the beginning of her marriage iy”H. Wishing you hatzlocha, nachas, and abundant parnassah! Gut Shabbos!

steak4me

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:03 pm

Your debt is not her issue or her responsibility.

It’s irrelevant.

She is earning money. The money is hers. She should open an account and deposit every penny into it and save for the future.

A child should not pay rent to her parents. I’m sorry this is way off.

steak4me

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:07 pm

amother [ Burntblack ] wrote:

Why should a child pay for her own wedding?

amother

DarkRed

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:17 pm

This is community dependant. My parents are BH well off (shtitz children for 5 years after chasuna etc) and we still gave them our paychecks. I also think it's the torahdig thing to do but you can ask your own shaila.

amother

Aconite

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:18 pm

steak4me wrote:

Why should a child pay for her own wedding?

In theory this sounds shocking but if there's literally no money and there's even debt I don't think it's so crazy to ask the daughter to save her money for her wedding expenses. As long as it's discussed in advance and not sprung on her once it's all saved up already.

amother

Teal

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:24 pm

amother [ Aconite ] wrote:

Then she may as well go to college, get a good career and then get married when she has enough money saved up and is settled in life. That is what people do if they have to pay for their own expenses which is why Jewish parents pay for their kids weddings if they want to see their kids settle down, marry and have kids. That is what I would have done had my parents asked me to pay for my own wedding. And I would have rented an apartment if they would have asked me to pay rent because that way I would at least have the freedom to do what I want and not have to answer to anyone.
Op's daughter is working a minimum wage job which is not very much money these day so she should save everything for the future without being burdened by expenses that parents are responsible for in the first place.

amother

Brown

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:24 pm

amother [ DarkRed ] wrote:

where in the torah does it say a child has to give their hard earned money to their parents?
why is it the childs fault the parents are in debt?

omg this is so so strange.
is this a super yeshivish thing?
im from the five towns and live in far rockaway now and no one I kno does this.

amother

Cornsilk

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:24 pm

amother [ Aconite ] wrote:

Your reply reminds me of that thread where the parents asked a married child to "raise money" for other child's wedding.

OP, I'm sorry you're going through hard times. Is there any way you can get help with expenses a different way? Taking from your child is not the way to go.

amother

DarkPurple

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:24 pm

steak4me wrote:

This. The debt is the parents, and the parents alone. If the parent's can't pay their current bills, and they want to ask the child to contribute to their own expenses, that's a discussion that can be had. But to think about having a child's salary go towards the parents' debt is just so so wrong.

amother

DarkPurple

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:27 pm

amother [ Aconite ] wrote:

The wedding night expenses is on the parents, especially when we marry them off so young. But if you're referring to all the extravagant stuff we buy for our kallahs, (outfitting them and their entire apt to the tee), I don't think that's crazy to ask the daughter to save up for that.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:28 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My 17.5 year old daughter started her first office job at minimum wage.
What do we do with her money?
Deposit in her own account?
Deposit in our account?

We are not well off financially.
We both work but we have $70,000 debt.
My husband is limited in what he can do
He earns $40,000 yearly
I earn a bit more on the year
We obviously have no savings.

I'd love to hear what you do with your daughter who is living at home
paycheck/what you did when you were that age

My parents used the money to cover their own bills.
That was their reality.
I also didn't get married with any money as the
bit of chasuna money that came in from my side
of the family went to pay off the wedding. The rest
I paid off with my summer job after my chasuna

You don't do anything. She opens a bank account and manages her own money.

amother

Ebony

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:43 pm

I worked straight out of h.s. as a teacher and I gave my $108 weekly check to my parents.

Got married with zero money to my name.

When dd began to work at minimum wage I didn't dare ask her to contribute. I still had the taste of my own childhood in my mouth. I wish my parents had handed me back my money and told me to keep/save it.
They were poor and I felt bad for them.

Now dd earns very well (21 yrs old, earns over 50k net annual), and when we had a discussion about the possibility of her contributing, she was very clear about not wanting to contribute, so I let it go. Not worth straining our relationship over this. Even though I have 50k in debt and do not make ends meet. She's not responsible for me, unless and until she chooses to be. Iy'h she'll have her own children to be responsible for, why burden her now.

I'm on your dd's side, and want her to keep her money for her own use. She's working for it, so I think it's only fair that she gets to decide what to do with it. If she would want to give it to me I would thank her very much and I would nicely decline to take it.

amother

Burntblack

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 6:47 pm

I guess some people b”H don’t understand what it’s like not to have savings for kids’ chasunas. It’s a huge expense and if the girl is working she should chip in. That’s normal in my circles. You’re looking at 25k and up and if you don’t have it what are you supposed to do?