Overnight babysitter for toddler in BP

heidi

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 5:18 am

amother [ Garnet ] wrote:

Come on.
So according to your logic, we shouldn’t leave our precious children with rebbeim, teachers, counselors or a new neighbor in a new neighborhood since it’s SO damaging to leave a child with a stranger for hours at a time.
Lol. Dream on. LOL

I'm not sure what you're laughing about.
Children who are left with babysitters etc. usually go through an acclimation period. One day for 1 hour, the next for 2 etc.
Toddlers can definitely get used to new people.
But expecting a toddler to willingly go to sleep at the home of someone they have never seen before is just insane. Talk about trust issues.

amother

NeonOrange

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 5:29 am

How can anyone not think it's traumatic for a toddler to be left by mommy in the home of a complete stranger, with an extremely immature sense of time and understanding? A toddler does not understand why mommy left him in a stranger's house. A toddler doesn't understand when he'll see mommy again because he can't conceptualize time. This toddler will be terrified.vA toddler who isn't terrified under those circumstances either has poor attachment or a developmental disorder. Why anyone would want their child to feel terrified is something I can't comprehend.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 7:26 am

amother [ Vanilla ] wrote:

Unless it’s a hospital stay it is a choice.

Not always. Sometimes it's to avoid a hospital stay. I know someone who was very weak for a few weeks after birth and her husband was having a mental health crisis and was unable to help out at all. She's lucky she had family locally - the kids went to grandma's house for 2 weeks while she went to a convalescent home.
Though I'm not a fan of sending kids to strangers overnight and I've bh never had to do so myself, you never know what someone else's circumstances are, so never judge.

amother

Red

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 8:14 am

ilovegod wrote:

Op you can Pm me! I’ve been in the situation and Bh worked out great. I did though bring the baby with me for and hour or a bit for a few days so she should get used to her

Some of you are outright mean. Op didn't state a reason. Maybe she's overwhelmed to the point of wanting to harm the baby? Or about to give birth & needs someone to babysit that one night? Or needs to check her loved one into psyc ward...

Op I hope you find what you need & sorry about all the nastiness here.

Dandelion21

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 8:50 am

This whole thread is ridiculous
Maybe where you guys come from it's not the norm to leave a baby overnight but in my community it has been done
Most people try to leave by family but if there is no family then they trust a reliable babysitter Not every baby that is left and someone else's care will be abused. There is so much awareness about this mentality tality that it has become a norm to suggest this For every situation She needs to leave her child overnight that and it of itself is really hard for a mother. It's not because she will harm the child that she needs to leave the child for reasons that we do not have to know about she needs to leave her child please don't make her feel guilty for having to do that. Not every babysitter is abusive. I would say many babysitters are trustful are trustful and reliable. I am not being naive. I know there is abuse out there. And not every situation needs to be turned into a situation

Sorry for the typos voice to text

amother

Mayflower

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 9:13 am

heidi wrote:

Does your baby not have a father to take care of it?
Unless both parents are completely incapacitated there is no reason to leave a baby with a stranger overnight.
It's a horrible idea and borders on abuse.

Just because YOU never had reason to leave a child overnight, it doesn't mean that there is no reason to leave a child. Count your blessings and stop judging others. Every parent has right to make decisions that's best for their family at the time without being subject to horrific criticism.

tweety1

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 9:21 am

heidi wrote:

Bh my kids have a father. But unless your husband works the kind of hours my husband does you will never understand. Dh has no choice. These are his hours. It's hard enough having a dh with these kind of hours. Plenty of our men have jobs close to 24/7. We literally sometimes do.not.have.a.choice. Consider yourself very lucky that it's something you cannot comprehend.

heidi

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 9:33 am

tweety1 wrote:

I don't know who your men are.
I live in Israel. Many of the men in our community commute overseas for weeks at a time. So they're not home.
The majority of families in our community do not have close family in the country. And STILL there is no such thing as an overnight babysitter to bring toddlers to. For emergency situations friends help each other out. When people have babies they come home to their children and the community arranges meals.
I think you need to reexamine your priorities.

tweety1

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 9:46 am

amother [ Dimgray ] wrote:

Agree with Heidi. The concept is insane and abusive. Most communities don’t even have an option bh. There is no reason in the world that warrants such a thing unless it’s really truly an emergency. Yes, I understand mental health issues too well unfortunately. If you understood what your doing to your child you would never do it.
If a mom goes and takes a vacation and is relaxing in a hotel while they do this to their toddler, then I just don’t know how to respond. It’s extremely selfish and unkind to one’s toddler.
It’s a trauma and your abandoning your child and they have no ideas when/if your coming back.

This isn’t something to joke around about or talk lightly of.

If life is so simple and relaxing for you thank hashem a zillion times. Unfortunately, some of really have no choice. We don't anybody a דין וחשבון especially on here. We don't have to put our entire life on here. Just know there some of us that really really sometimes don't have a choice.

amother

Dimgray

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 9:50 am

tweety1 wrote:

Life is complex painful and full of suffering for me. I still believe it’s a trauma that your giving to a toddler and something that should never be done.

taketwo

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 9:59 am

There seems to be alot of black and white thinking on this thread. I don't think anybody is saying leaving your child by an overnight babysitter is ideal. Sometimes there is no other option. Is it traumatic? Probably. But the big picture needs to be taken into account. Lots of things children must go through are traumatic, moving is considered a trauma, what about getting shots by the doctor, parents divorcing.. there are many times our children have to go through traumatic experiences, it's usually for their overall well being. A move/divorce/shots all are done only when it's best for the child, but if the rest of the time they have a calm, loving family life, the traumas won't effect them as much.

You know whats more traumatic? Having a frazzled mother for weeks/months at a time that because she hasn't had time for herself is irritable and keeps getting angry at her kids. The mother who isn't able to be the mother she really wants because she has nowhere to send her children so she can take a break and rejuvenate. If a mother needs to get away, most times it's for the best interest for the child. She just has to do her best to make it the least traumatic as possible for her child. Like by getting to know the babysitter before, sending with something special that reminds the child of mommy, etc. Etc.

Saying black and white one should never do that is a dangerous statement. Sometimes the benefits outweighs the risk.

(Not denying that there aren't mothers out there who make go the opposite extreme and leave their children for no good reason, but that's the minority, not the majority)

amother

Mayflower

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 10:37 am

amother [ Dimgray ] wrote:

Life is complex painful and full of suffering for me. I still believe it’s a trauma that your giving to a toddler and something that should never be done.

That's your opinion and what you think is best for YOUR family. You don't do it. But you don't know what's best for my or anyone else's family, so let us make our own decisions without judgment and criticism.
We're all mom's that are trying our best. Instead of criticizing & tearing each other's down, we should support one another and realize that we all make decisions that benefit our family.

gamanit

Wed, Jul 27 2022, 12:34 pm

losingweight wrote:

There's a Mrs getter (not sure her location. I think 12/high 50's) that is very recommended and a Mrs Abramowitz on 11 ave. that's very recommended.

for all of you that are pouncing on any woman looking for an overnight babysitter, either be happy you have where to leave your kids or feel good about yourselves that you sacrifice your life never to leave your kids. But please don't make her feel guilty.

She is the sweetest woman I know!!! She has a heart of gold. Her husband is a huge tzaddik. I've never used her as a babysitter but I can vouch that she is an amazing person. Her personality is perfect for this. Kids love her.