Used baby gift | Imamother

amother

Taupe

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 3:37 pm

Maybe people aren’t giving you a “gift” as you think of it, just giving you something they think you can use. My mil had a friend who denied that it was a gift when she gave me anything. It may have been something she saw on special and couldn’t resist buying for the sheer joy of a bargain. . It could have been a buy one get one free and she needed only one. Sometimes it was just because she was generous and thought I could use it.

I always wondered why she always insisted that it wasn’t a gift. I’m starting to understand. People criticize gifts.

amother

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 4:50 pm

Definitely not hurt or dwelling. Just checking I’m not completely off base that this isn’t polite.
Unfortunately I had to toss it out either way. It had mold growing on it and old spit up so I doubt it was just something in storage in a store etc
all gifts are lovely and I’m not complaining, but I do think it was not nice to put in the store bag with a note from that store and try to pass it off as something it wasn’t. Like others said, that’s the part that bothers me.

vintagebknyc

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:09 pm

I'm more than a little shocked by this thread.

Someone came to your baby shower and brought you a gift. Etiquette says, you thank her. Maybe--MAYBE--you snicker with your BFFs. But to think that she was impolite because she gave you something that wasn't clean enough? Who are you, the Queen?

ra_mom

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:10 pm

amother [ Snowdrop ] wrote:

A relative who gave birth eight months before me gave me a used box of nursing pads, some odd bottles and bottle brushes, and a gift that was obviously to her from her in-laws' friends. I felt like an idiot for having given her a generous gift on the birth of her child. However, that was better than the deodorant she once gave my child and stale soup croutons. You just have to laugh sometimes.

This made me laugh out loud.

ra_mom

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Oh my goodness.

groovy1224

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:18 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Giving someone garbage and calling it a gift is rude. Better to give nothing.

vintagebknyc

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:26 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

Giving someone garbage and calling it a gift is rude. Better to give nothing.

Really? If she gave nothing there would be a post about someone who came to her shower and gave nothing.

amother

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:26 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Um, I’m sorry it came across that way that I thought I was all that.
I didn’t say anything to any friends!
I didn’t say she’s impolite cos it wasn’t clean enough. I was saying that it wasn’t polite to pass it off as something brand new from a store. Some ppl ate very particular about not putting on second hand so to try and trick someone didn’t leave me with a good feeling.

amother

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:29 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Really? If she gave nothing there would be a post about someone who came to her shower and gave nothing.

There was no shower! In my circles we don’t do baby showers
Plenty of ppl gave nothing. No one owes me anything! It’s my baby and I’m happy to provide. Gifts are lovely, I was just confused why this one was being passed off as something that was bought in the store that day.

vintagebknyc

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:45 pm

Nobody tried to trick you. She wanted to give you a gift for your baby: perhaps this is all she had, all she had time to gather, all she could afford. Perhaps she liked her/her kid liked it/whatever.

Why else would someone pass something off as new?

zaq

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It had mold growing on it and old spit up so I doubt it was just something in storage in a store

OMG! That’s completely beyond the pale. At least they should have washed it first. But you know, you didn’t say this initially. You said it was used and had an unpleasant odor and was not the kind of thing this store would sell. You didn’t say it was filthy and growing mold.

This person must be not right in the head. It’s the only logical explanation. Unless...hmm... she had a new gift in her tote bag and her cleaning lady took it out and substituted her own child’s dirty outfit that she happened to have in her own bag. It could happen. Maybe. In a movie.

amother

DarkYellow

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 6:56 pm

There is a way to give a gift without making someone feel bad. I once had a relative run down to the basement and say she had an unused baby gift. She was clear it was recycled and it was a decade old. I tried to graciously thank her but that I didn't need it. Instead she went to get it anyway and in front of my face proceeded to pick away the 5 dead flies that was stuck to the outfit. It wasn't nice in my book. People are weird sometimes. I don't mind a recycled unused gift, but if it's dirty or has dead bugs attached to it, that's not nice.

notshanarishona

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 7:04 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Whenever you are giving away hand me downs the polite thing is to ask someone if they can use it, not just dump it on someone. It’s not a gift if it’s garbage.
Yes, my kids wear hand me downs but a little respect to the recipient . I wouldn’t take from people who have given me dirty or stained garbage.

Simple1

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 7:44 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

I feel the same way.

Toss the gift, and move on. Maybe she doesn’t know better, but at least she was thinking of you. I’ve gotten gifts that I have no use for. That’s life.

kenz

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 7:49 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Oh please. As I posted above, and as I’m sure OP did, you should always thank someone graciously for a gift, but that doesn’t mean you have to actually believe that getting an old, used gift is normal and the best they could afford. I once gave birth at the same time as an old friend with whom I had mostly lost touch. She sent over an outfit that I was sure was being regifted and I was extremely touched and thankful that she took the time to do that.
Then I realized it was already too small for my baby and went to exchange it and discovered it was worth something like $3 and change bc had been bought on final final sale. Didn’t bother me AT ALL. She’s perfectly entitled.
Then I got a phone call from a current friend of hers who could only have gotten my name from her asking me to chip in for a baby gift for her at $25 apiece. I politely declined.
Just because we should always be gracious doesn’t mean everything is beyond reproach.

amother

Moonstone

Tue, Dec 14 2021, 8:06 pm

kenz wrote:

Agree. I got an engagement gift from my MIL's very wealthy friend. It was a used silver candy dish, heavily tarnished and full of scratches. At least have the presence of mind to clean the piece before you gift it to someone.

imaima

Wed, Dec 15 2021, 3:06 am

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

I am also very picky what gifts I get and what I like and use.

If you feel like sending it back to her saying "Thank you, but I like different style", you could. (if husband doesnt object)

Otherwise wash it and give it to charity

Dont take it personal. cheap gifters dont think about you. its their wallets they think about.

Cheap gifters?! Really? Maybe they DID think about Your Majesty and this was what they came up with? Wink