Men’s poker or other groups - Monsey

amother

Skyblue

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 8:52 pm

amother [ Bergamot ] wrote:

I did. Afew Rabbanim actually.
This just comes to show you that we all have different standards and ways. Poker with a set amount of small change doesn't mean that it's automatically assur. This was talked about at a shiur DH attended.

I'm sure you did /s.

amother

Buttercup

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 9:11 pm

It’s most certainly frowned upon. And honestly we are allowed to defend Torah, even if we’re not perfect. Gambling is not in the “spirit of the law”. If you stated your husband goes hunting for sport and was looking to join a group, I’d be here saying the same thing.
Everything is not all about “ live and let live”. I actually believe that I’m required to stand up and state that this is hashkafically problematic. To state that I can’t imagine a rav endorsing such a group.

What you and your husband continue to do with your lives does not concern me. If I knew you in real life I’d never criticize you, unless I fulfilled the parameters of giving tochacha. But you posted this on a public forum, so I feel obligated to “fight” it, so to speak.

amother

Snapdragon

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 10:22 pm

We're Chassidish and I cannot imagine a Chassidish Rav OK'ing or Chassidish person playing poker, I doubt OP will find a group.
But it's not my place to tell OP what she or her husband should or shouldn't be considering for "chill time". If it's Halachically questionable let them figure it out on their own.
And showing hair is not comparable. There are Rabbis in certain communities that allow a Tefach to show.
OP you seem like a great wife and I do hope your husband finds an outlet that he enjoys.

amother

DarkYellow

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 10:31 pm

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

I think whoever wants to discuss Halacha should open a spin off and let this remain a non judgemental thread where people can give suggestions to op.

THIS.
Let OP just get her answers without any judgment.
If you have any issues, start a spinoff.
I hate when threads gets derailed and just start giving Musser to OP and OP loses her chance to get the answers she is looking for things like these.
I don't get why people don't start a spinoff since the OP will usually then chap that its directed at her qnd if she wants, then she can follow that thread.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:17 pm

amother [ Snapdragon ] wrote:

And there are Rabbis that say that this kind of poker isn't the gambling that is assur.
Can everyone mind their own business.

It definitely says that you shouldn't give mussar to someone that doesn't want to listen.
It doesn't sound like anyone is listening here anyways.

amother

Pink

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:54 pm

The number of cheating threads on here finally make sense to me. Men aren't going to cheat because they can't play poker, but if they need an outlet they will find one with or without their wife's endorsement, which often had unintended consequences.

amother

Bergamot

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:58 pm

amother [ Snapdragon ] wrote:

Chassidish Rav's hold that this type of poker is not considered gambling. Poker isn't automatically gambling. Not every type of gambling falls into the category of gambling that assur min hatorah.

amother

Bergamot

Mon, Mar 07 2022, 11:59 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

Nope, this is not true. More often then not it's the men with the most outlets that cheat.
And cheating is NEVER EVER the wife's fault.

amother

Apricot

Tue, Mar 08 2022, 1:08 am

Ladies, did it ever occur to you that perhaps playing dreidel is like gambling? Didn’t you all play dreidel at some point?
No one is talking about going to casinos here.
Apparently op’s husband has played poker for fun with his friends and enjoyed it. His wife thought it would be a good idea for him to find some friends to play with. Hopefully he will make good friends through his other outlets too. Op sounds like a very nice person and a very good wife. Her husband is not addicted to gambling or playing poker. It would have been a once in a while thing.
Op, maybe you can invite over a brother, brother in law or old friend if possible for now?

amother

Tue, Mar 08 2022, 7:35 am

What would some of you say if I told you that my husband used to play poker in yeshiva after night Seder (also with very small monies) and the rosh yeshiva knew about it and was fine with it? Would you leave me alone?

amother

Aqua

Tue, Mar 08 2022, 7:55 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Actually in my family we don't use money when playing dreidel because it's like gambling.

This post is surprising to me because in my circles this is not considered an appropriate type of recreation for frum men. They have other outlets, but not gambling. There are some people who do it anyhow, but they're going against the norm.

amother

Bergamot

Tue, Mar 08 2022, 7:58 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Kvittlach is also controversial. Some have a minhag to play, for some it's a no no.
Playing with money isn't necessarily gambling min hatorah.

Librarian

Tue, Mar 08 2022, 1:00 pm

amother [ Buttercup ] wrote:

What is with the chinuch in certain communities!

As a Monsey resident for 28 years I take exception to this statement. Perhaps there are poker groups but I never heard of any and my husband and his friends would never partake in one if there were. Our chinuch is just fine, thank you.

Librarian

Tue, Mar 08 2022, 1:03 pm

amother [ Skyblue ] wrote:

When I was a girl, there were many who wouldn't even allow using playing cards for innocent games such as war and spit.

Wow how the times have changed.

Lol that's how I grew up! Middle of the road Bklyn family. College educated, not "yeshivish". Even had a TV! But no way no how were we allowed to play "cards" even war or spit!

amother

DarkGray

Tue, Mar 08 2022, 1:06 pm

Librarian wrote:

Lol that's how I grew up! Middle of the road Bklyn family. College educated, not "yeshivish". Even had a TV! But no way no how were we allowed to play "cards" even war or spit!

Isn’t that weird though? Just goes to show every family has their thing they are extreme about. No way can you play any type of cards but yes tv?

amother

Apricot

Tue, Mar 08 2022, 1:19 pm

amother [ DarkGray ] wrote:

Isn’t that weird though? Just goes to show every family has their thing they are extreme about. No way can you play any type of cards but yes tv?

Tv was different in the 70’s-80’s. There were only a few channels and there was usually nothing inappropriate. It was mostly used to follow the news and sports. There were childrens programs … totally different than what you know tv to be today
Not saying that very yeshivish families had a tv but regular frum families had ONE tv usually. They still could have been g-d fearing Jews striving to do the right thing

Librarian

Tue, Mar 08 2022, 1:40 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Tv was different in the 70’s-80’s. There were only a few channels and there was usually nothing inappropriate. It was used to follow the news and sports. There were childrens programs … totally different than what you know tv to be today
Not saying that very yeshivish families had a tv but regular frum families had ONE tv usually. They still could have been g-d fearing Jews striving to do the right thing

Yep! Grew up in the 70s-80s. Only allowed to watch on weekends because of school. Went to bais yaakov almost everyone had a TV. Newspaper delivery every morning and afternoon. But no card games for sure Laugh